Elephant in the room, not only was Breaking Bad on at the same time as the Emmys last night, but also Breaking Bad did not win any Emmys because they weren’t elegible because the fourth season didn’t start until the summer, or whatever. BOOOO! Why even watch the Emmys at all if we can’t see Aaron Paul be the best when he gives an acceptance speech? Why even bother having them at all? The thing with these recaps is I ask the tough questions and I’m not going to stop so get used to it. In other news, last night’s episode was great!
The episode began with three short scenes. The first showed Gus, Mike, and Jesse getting on a plane headed towards Mexico, where Jesse will be teaching the cartel his meth recipe. Jesse looks flawless even though he just got in that fight with Walt the night before. They all seem a bit nervous and Gus tells Jesse, “You can do this.” It is wonderful because Gus is wonderful now all of a sudden and we all love him so much.
Next we see Skyler calling Walt. It’s Walt Jr.’s 16th birthday and Skyler wants to present him with his AMAZING CAR, AH!, AHAHA!, but she would rather do it with Walt present, but Walt is not picking up his phone because his head is in a yogurt cup big time so she just has to go on without him. The car is waiting outside, and Skyler asks Walt Jr. to go pick up the paper for her, and then:
Ahahahahahahahaha. Very, very good job to Vince Gilligan and the rest of the writing staff. Very funny car choice. Very funny to have Skyler tell him “It has a CD player.” All very good, A+. Obviously Walt Jr. is not too excited about his new “jazziest mom at the party” – Gabe Liedman car, so he says ooook soooo can I have pancakes now? And Skyler is like oh, ok.
THEN, in the final short opening scene, Saul calls Ted in for a meeting. He is posing as a lawyer in charge of Ted’s long lost great aunt’s estate. He convinces Ted that he had this aunt in Europe that he doesn’t know anything about and she died and left behind $600,000 which he new gets because he’s her last living heir. “Oh, kinda weird how all this money comes into my life from this strange cheapo lawyer right when I need it, but you know not THAT weird I guess” is presumably what Ted thinks.
THEN, we are done with those short scenes. Now we’re onto long scenes. Jesse, Gus, and Mike are blindfolded and being taken to the cartel’s meth lab. They walk in looking like a bunch of bad boyz:
The first problem Jesse runs into is that the chemists synthesize their own phenylacetic acid, which Jesse does not know how to synthesize. He tells Gus, “I get mine from the barrel with the B on it.” Hahah. Ugh, how much I love and want to marry a fictional meth manufacturer is VERY UPSETTING! At first the chemists, especially the one jerky old guy with the beard, attack Jesse saying that he is incompetent and not fit to teach them this very complicated meth recipe. Which is certainly fair, I feel like Gus could’ve at least gotten Jesse a new outfit before this trip, but whatever. At first Jesse looks threatened and insecure, but then he turns into the very confident young man that he SHOULD BE!, and calls the jerky beardo an asshole, tells him to “stop whining like a little bitch” (classic Jesse), and instructs them all to clean their GD disgusting lab because he’s not going to do anything until it’s sterilized.
BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!
Back in Albuquerque, Walt Jr. is at Walt’s house because Walt missed his birthday party. He won’t answer the door or pick up his phone because he’s still reeling from the major beat down Jesse gave him in the last episode when Jesse was only trying to be so sweet and nice and innocent and Walt was only trying to be the biggest jerk on the planet. Eventually he wakes up:
GROSS. He tells Walt Jr. that he got beat up because he was gambling, and asks him not to tell Skyler about it because he’d “never hear the end of it.” The “gambling” story doesn’t really explain anything, though, so Walt Jr. presses further, asking him who he got in a fight with. Then Walt starts to cry! And it is sincere! He tells Walt Jr. that he made a mistake, and it’s his own fault, and he had it coming, and he is sorry. Aww, Walt. If I didn’t think you were so terrible I would be very touched but I’m only kind of touched because honestly you have been the worst. But, in any case, it is very sad and remorseful and hopeful. Maybe this means he won’t be such a jerk anymore. Walt Jr. puts him back in bed and before he leaves the room, Walt asks him if he likes his new car. “Uh, no, it’s a GD PT Cruiser of course not,” says me. “Sure, I do. It drives great,” says Walt Jr. “That’s good, Jesse,” says Walt. UH, WHAT! *CARTOON FACE WITH EYES POPPING OUT!* I am often weary of things that I see as too heavy-handed in shows (and movies, and music, and everything) that I really love, and this did seem a little heavy handed. But also I did like it, and obviously Jesse’s on the guy’s mind so I’ll give it a break. Aww, Walt and Jesse. They love each other!!!!
Back in the cartel’s lab, they’re testing the purity of Jesse’s meth. The moment is a little tense, but it comes to 96.2% — great job, Jesse. He looks relieved until Handsome Gabe says, “The first of many.” UH, WHAT? “You belong to the cartel now.” Oy vey, these guys. “The Mexican Cartel: We Never Leave Well Enough Alone.”
Then Saul visits Skyler at work to tell her that Ted put money down on a Mercedes three hours after he left the meeting with Saul. D’OH!
Walt finally wakes up from his beat down nap to find that Walt Jr. had his glasses fixed. Aww, jeeze. He comes out of his room and sees that Walt Jr. spent the night on his couch, after telling Skyler he was sleeping at a friend’s. Awwww, jeeeeze. Walt explains his beat up face by saying he had taken pain killers with a few beers, and apologizes for the previous night. He tells Walt Jr. that he doesn’t want him to remember that way. The one memory he has of his father who died of Huntington’s Disease when he was seven, he says, is from his hospital room, with his father looking at him — but not seeing him — and breathing. “This rattling sound, like if you were shaking an empty spraypaint can. Like there was nothing in him.” Basically, he does not want Walt Jr. to remember him as a broken man.
And at this point Breaking Bad does a thing that I love so much when it does it: has a character say the exact thing that they should say. Which seems obvious? But it is not obvious and not a lot of shows do it. But anyway, Walt Jr. tells him that remembering him that way wouldn’t be so bad, and would actually be much better than remember him the way he has been all last year, because he was at least real. YES! TOO TRUE, WALT JR. Exactly correct. It was pretty much the only decent Walt moment all season, and I hope it invites a bunch more decent Walt moments. I miss liking Walt! I don’t like to hate you, Walt! Come back! Then Walt Jr. leaves and the stupid new Gus guy pulls up to tell Walt to go to work, basically. UGH.
In the penultimate scene, Skyler shows up at Ted’s office to ask how it’s going. You know, any TONS of money come into your life randomly right when you need them recently, you big idiot? He tells her that he’s gotten some good news recently and is going to start up his business again. D’OH D’OH D’OH! Skyler asks him if the IRS stuff is resolved and he says, “Ooohh, that stuff, no I don’t think I’m going to do that stuff,” basically. He wants to get a lawyer and see if he can get a “better deal” than to pay all the back taxes he owes. Skyler explains to him that he is an idiot and won’t get a better deal, and that this affects her too and he just should GD pay the GD IRS already, and he tells her to leave. Then she tells him that she is the one who gave him that money, end of scene. UGH. UH OH. UGH. I really do not like this subplot. I already have enough anxiety with the MAIN plot, I don’t need this nonsense.
And then the final scene. WHAT A GREAT SCENE! Gus, Mike, and Jesse are at Don Eladio’s pool, and Jesse is expressing his concerns to Mike, who responds, “I promise you this. Either we’re all going home or none of us are. Now settle down.” YAY! Everyone loves each other, that’s what I like about this show. Then Don Eladio comes out with a million cartel members and makes Gus give him an awkward hug:
Gus also presents him with a gift, “A token of respect, in honor of our renewed friendship.” It is some kind of alcohol. Tequila maybe? I don’t know, I have no idea. I’m not an alcohol scientist. But whatever it is Don-E is super psyched on it and pours a shot for everyone. He tries to hand one to Jesse but Gus tells him that Jesse’s an addict, and to work he needs to be sober. YOOPS. If we didn’t already know that this alcohol is poison, now we definitely know that this alcohol is poison. Gus downs his shot first, followed by the rest of the million of them. Then Don BRINGS OUT THE GIRLS! Woooooo. “Woooo.” A bunch of bikini babes come out and sit on everyone’s laps.
Gus is sitting with his hands on his head because he doesn’t like the bikini babes, so Don Eladio sits down to cheer him up. “There’s no emotion in this. You of all people should understand, business is business.” Ugh, Don Eladio. You killed his best friend and partner and maybe PARTNER PARTNER right in front of him for no reason you big jerk! Gus leaves to go to the bathroom, and is followed by a big fat guy to show him the way. He pukes very daintily and by the time he’s done, everyone is dying. The big fat guy is already dead when he opens the bathroom door and Gus literally brushes his shoulder off and walks over him. WHAT A VERY COOL MURDERER BADASS METH GUY WHOM I LOVE! The camera follows behind Gus as he walks back to the pool, which is also very cool, and he sees that everyone is basically dead, except (I think) Handsome Gabe, who Mike then kills, and Don Eladio, who dies slowly and falls into the pool. PERFECT! But Gus looks like he’s being effected by the poison. Uh oh.
While they’re leaving the house, a guy who ALSO looks like Handsome Gabe, I honestly don’t know which one was Handsome Gabe or if they were both Handsome Gabe, comes out and shoots at them. AHHHHH. He hits Mike. AHHHHHHHHH! Gus looks like he’s dying. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Jesse shoots and kills him, and Mike says, “Get us out of here, kid.” And he does. Jeepers creepers. But, other than the maybe causalities of Mike and Gus, that seemed like a pretty easy takedown of the entire Mexican cartel. No sweat. But it will be interesting to see how f’d up this makes the rest of the season. Will pieces of the Mexican cartel still have a big role? Will Walt and Jesse get back together and kiss on the lips? Will Hank exist anymore? Will Skyler murder Ted? What’s up with the baby? Do you think Aaron Paul will marry me someday? Again, we’re left with SO MANY QUESTIONS!