The world of a celebrity seems like a confusing whirlwind of press junkets, champagne lunches, secret celebrity blood meetings, and demanding that you have fish flown in from Hawaii for dinner every night — not something that any non-celebrity could ever fully comprehend. But in an interview with Paul Rudd for Playboy Magazine something seemed particularly off. Paul begins telling a story about getting Judd Apatow’s AOL email address, and the interviewer stops him to ask why so many celebrities (he names Steve Carell, Tina Fey, and Sarah Silverman) have AOL e-mail addresses. Paul responds:

“I like AOL because it’s so embarrassing,” Rudd explains. “People look at you as if you’re a fossil. Which you are. But I enjoy that embarrassment. I like being on the outside. Having an AOL address is like wearing Ocean Pacific shorts. It’s so uncool that it’s cool.”

In a Vulture article on the same topic, they cite Tilda Swinton and David Arquette as celebrities who ALSO have AOL e-mail addresses. TILDA SWINTON and DAVID ARQUETTE! Clearly there is some reason why celebrities are refusing to adjust to the gmail world we all live in today. But WHAT IS IT?

My theory is that once you become a famous celebrity, you are implanted with some sort of device that mainly allows you to access your schedule at all times just by using your brain, but also, unbeknownst to many celebrities (but not all, some of them know) it also controls a good amount of what you do every day. That is why some actors are better at acting than others — because their implant went a little better, so they’re more easily controlled, and the programmers just program in the things they’re supposed to do in whatever particular scene it is. So anyway this was all fine, working out well for everyone involved, all the celebrities were able to access their schedules whenever they wanted and the people who implanted the thing got whatever their motive was, I guess money probably, until they realized there was a flaw in the system. This was in 1992. The flaw was that, blah blah, something with the technology, but they realized it could be solved by e-mailing directions directly into the chip. I won’t get into it. So they all signed up for AOL accounts, and that’s how it got started. AOL noticed some suspicious implant chip email activity, so Hollywood had to sign a $100,000,000,000,000,000,000 deal with AOL so they would keep their mouths shut about it, but one of the terms of the deal was that they’d always have to use AOL for their email. Also part of the deal was that they got first pick at whatever email address they wanted, so it was a deal they couldn’t pass up really.

The End

Comments (34)
  1. I have to stand up for my girl SWINTON. I don’t think she can be judged by the laws of us mortals. It’d be like asking a selkie why it uses livejournal, or why askjeeves is the search engine of choice for the fair folk. Also, if you happen upon a faun, for the love of god don’t mention geocities. They are still in mourning.

  2. Because when you have a personal assistant who checks your email for you, you don’t care how convenient it is.

  3. That’s not the only $100,000,000,000,000,000,000 deal that Hollywood has signed with AOL. #9/11. #neverforget (what??)

  4. that post was insane

  5. I still use it because of all the dollars I invested in Email Stripper, which is not what I originally thought it was. Instead it is this:

  6. Now I really want to see a movie with David Arquette and Tilda Swinton in it. I don’t even care what it’s about. Also, this was my favorite Kelly article ever.

  7. Obviously, celebrities use AOL because it provides an otherwise impossible insight into the popular film, “You’ve Got Mail.” From what I can surmise, this is the only reason anyone becomes famous, to understand “You’ve Got Mail.”

    • Okay. I tell people it’s Red Dawn. But in actuality my favorite movie is You’ve Got Mail. Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, a very likable Greg Kinnear… you think you’re better than it, like ‘Ooh this movie’s going to suck’ but then you watch it and it becomes a part of you.

      • i am with you. i am right there with you. it is a REALLY funny movie.

        • also, i think the meg ryan/greg kinnear breakup scene is the best breakup scene ever, and i have yet to be convinced otherwise.

      • so true. I have yet to meet anybody that, if they were being actually honest with themselves (AND THEIR HEART), who didn’t think “You’ve Got Mail” is great. It may be a their secret shame, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

        “You’ve Got Mail” is like the Billy Joel of movies. I may be wrong, but for all I know, I may be right.

  8. my dad still uses AOL. he is not a celebrity, but people used to say that he looks like Clark Kent. waitamin…….

  9. I feel like a better question is what e-mail address their publicists are using…

  10. I think there’s a bigger problem in society. The jokey old high school email address. Some people let them linger into adulthood. Let’s just say my brother waited until he was 30 to remove the ’69′ from his hotmail handle.

  11. i work for AOL. go paul rudd!

  12. I knew there was a reason I still have an AOL account. It’s because I’m famous!

  13. Or maybe it’s just because Paul Rudd is so CLUELESS. #waitingforhighfive

    • Or maybe because he’s still waiting to hear back from Marky Mark about making an appearance at his Tree People’s meeting…

  14. Enrique Iglesias uses an AOL account. I’m not trying to be funny or clever when I say that. It’s a fact.

  15. David Arquette still uses AOL because no one has ever invited him to join Gmail.

  16. I still comment on Stereogum

  17. Oh my GOD! My e-mail address is exclamationmarksANDstrategically_allCAPS, but I’m not a celebrity, OR AM I!?!?!?!?!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. My email is:
    it’s fun to give to people at parties.

  19. Oh wow, AOL is still around?

  20. Damn, AOL is still around? Now that’s so uncool that it’s cool. #signingup4aolemail_again

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