Nicolas Cage is OUR generation’s Alex Trebek. From Reuters:

For actor Nicolas Cage, making the new thriller movie “Trespass” hit close to home.[Ed. note: Powerful stuff.]

Cage, at the Toronto film festival along with director Joel Schumacher promoting the film about a home invasion, said that he has actually lived through the nightmare in real life. “It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed,” he told reporters on Wednesday. “I know it sounds funny … but it was horrifying.” [Ed. note: Well, which is it Nicolas Cage?! Was he naked or was he wearing a leather jacket?! Get your story straight, please.]

A Fudgesicle is a frozen, ice cream-like snack. [Ed. note: DING DING DING, WE HAVE A PULITZER WINNER!]

Cage said the ordeal ended after he talked the man out of the house and police arrived. He did not press charges, as the man had mental problems, but Cage, who now lives in Nassau, Bahamas, said he could not stay in the house after that.

Obviously, our thoughts and prayers are with Nicolas Cage and his family during the remembering of this difficult time at a press conference for his new movie, Tresspass. It is very clever how he explains that he couldn’t stay in the house after this happened, when we already know why he couldn’t stay in the house. Nicolas Cage’s wigs were not harmed during this ordeal.

Comments (30)
  1. Is he sure it wasn’t his head painter doing a midnight touch-up?

  2. The naked man was still the #2 nutcase in the house.

  3. I don’t understand, I mean I know what a Fudgesicle is (now) but what the heck is a “Leather Jacket”? This story doesn’t explain anything.

  4. “How’d it get (Freezer) Burned?!”

  5. I would be pissed too. Everyone knows you should bring enough fudgesicles to share, otherwise you are just being rude. I’m pretty sure it’s in Emily Post’s Guide to Etiquette and Home Invasion, 2nd edition.

    • That is so funny and charming, Kate Schmidt, who I am definitely not! I am sure neither of us has reasons to hate facebook connect! ha ha ha.

      (Seriously, damn you to hell facebook connect)

      • A little disappointing that this Kate Schmidt person doesn’t have the recently published 3rd edition.

        (Also, I need to come up with a name for the particular brand of schadenfreude that comes from not having facebook.)

  6. The naked guy sounds pretty strange, but you have to consider the only two items in Cage’s house are leather jackets and fudgesicles. So you know…not a lot of options.

    • Well, the only two that would be easily accessible to someone who didn’t live there. All of his wigs and spare faces live in the crawl space behind the false back wall of his closet.

  7. Is he sure this wasn’t his son? (Gong!)

  8. But Nick, you said “Come over anytime!”

  9. They’re remaking Trespass now? eh…better than a Footloose remake I guess
    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4LrAkzfpSmM/SZl7stvQb7I/AAAAAAAAFEU/v_i96ILp8xc/s320/Trespass+(1992).jpg
    I hope Cage is playing the role of Savon. Ice Cube killed it

  10. gabe, you can now cancel the You Can Make It Up! feature. i no longer need my imagination, as all my dreams have been fully realized with this story. in fact, I kind of resent it, because it should have came up with this years ago.

  11. last summer, a (mostly) naked schizophrenic woman, wearing only an adult diaper, broke into my house and walked into my parents bedroom at about 3am; she was a former student of my mother’s, who is an adult literacy teacher. anyways, i can sympathize with cage; hilarious or not, any stranger in your house, however harmless, leaves a horrible feeling in the house well after they leave. it’s such an invasion of everything one COULD invade…ugh, still gives me chills

    #whydon’tschizohomeinvadershavenicetits.

    • I was like, “How did this honest personal story get downvoted?” And then I saw the remark about the tits. I was with you until then, Tom Sproat.

      • I’m still with Tom Sproat, home invaders need to at least give us something to look at

        I bet if the fudgesicle man had a really beautiful penis, Nic Cage would be singing a different tune

  12. Thanks but I only go on sites that want me because I am rich and famous. I guess that’s why I’m alone. Sigh.

  13. crap that was supposed to go to the spambot. now i really know why i’m alone.

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