I’m pretty sure Bill Murray is a person that we all love, as much as we can love a person we will never know. Right? I don’t even know that much about Bill Murray, and the constant “no one will ever believe you” stories/myths/memes/WHATEVER can get a little old, mostly because I clearly don’t understand what they are at all, but generally I and everyone else love him and that will probably never change. So why don’t we all take that love and enter this weirdo Bill Murray poetry contest? Here is the weirdo explanation of it:

Bill Murray inspires us all! He turned his artistic energy into a world famous acting career. Now, it’s time to share your creativity and personal message with the world. Here’s your chance to write a poem for Bill. The best poems will be considered for publication and recording.

Well, I don’t know. Obviously this raises a lot of questions that I wasn’t able to answer with a quick look at the website. Publication where? Who would record it and for what? What is this thing even about at all? But it doesn’t matter, because when you win it you will win $1000 apparently, from someone, and who couldn’t use an extra $1000 from someone? Apparently? Nobody couldn’t! So here is my entry:

It’s a very well constructed Shakespearian sonnet, obviously:

When I go to a movie and see
A cast of those I do not know
Oh, but there is Bill Murray
I guess that we should prob’ly go
To the snack-y stand and get
A snack to have during the thing
I think that we should not forget
To also something chandler bing
Bill Murray, O’, what a guy
I like when he says famous quotes
“Got that goin’ for me which is ni-
ce,” is one I like the most

Holy moly what a poem
Something something nursing home

OMG that was so good and there are no flaws. Try to do a better one, but I am almost positive that there is no way you’ll be able to do a better one. (Thanks for the tip, Darci!)

Comments (38)
  1. O Venkman! My Venkman!

  2. Billy Murray’s the best
    I want him to adopt me
    Why is so cool?

  3. Methinks that I shall never see
    A Bill as lovely as Murray

  4. “been a long time since i’ve made something good.
    been a lon time since i’v done anything at all.
    so sick of selling vodka in a crystal skull.
    I need this.
    O, woe is me.
    why won’t you just do Ghostbusters 3?” – Dan Aykroyd’s entry

  5. Just killed a gopher
    Baby steps down to the bar
    Cuz it’s Miller time

  6. Bill, Bill
    You give me a thrill
    I love to watch
    But kick it up a notch
    This is all I got
    I bet you think it’s hot

  7. Dear Bill Murray
    You were Garfield… twice
    Never forget that

  8. so much depends

    a groundhog seeing
    his shadow

    regardless of its

    I’ve done this 4,000 times

  9. Bill Murray is a fucking awesome dude
    and I enjoy watching him on the screen.
    You know he must be a quite hoopy frood
    to take on ghosts and woodchucks and the green
    is safe from gophers. Oh! Though sometimes lewd,
    he remains a gentleman in many scenes
    though sr’sly, what’d he say to Scarlett Jo?
    That ending bloody frustrated me.

    Iambic pentameter is hard!

  10. I’m going to whisper my winning poem into Scarlet Johannson’s ear and never, ever let Bill Murray know what it is just so he knows what it’s like.

  11. Undeniable Truths And Definitely Not Libel, by Mailman

    There once was an actor named Murray,
    Word on the street is he smells just like curry,
    Who knows the real truth,
    If his aroma is uncouth,
    But… I hear he’s a card-carrying furry.

    Bill Murray is one of those guys
    Whom you might say has a wild card side,
    When he was a boy,
    He bought a sex toy,
    And totally raped himself, seriously, no Astroglide.

    Listen all of these things might not be true
    But one thing is real through and through,
    Bill Murray is old,
    His mind uncontrolled,
    So do NOT ask what he thinks of the Jews
    And honestly, just avoid him, whatever you do.

  12. Roses are red
    Violets are blue

  13. Roses are Red
    Violets are Blue
    Bill Murray ate my hamster
    “No-one will ever believe you”

  14. What did you whisper in her little ear?
    What profound thought or feeling did you say?
    On that busy street, did you say goodbye?
    If I said I didn’t care, I would lie.

    That one! little furry pain-in-the-ass,
    Coming to and fro, destroying the grass.
    You mutter and you whisper and wait–
    No quarter, no respect–only hate.

    Back and forth you oscillate, returning
    To the same time and place, again, again.
    Another rodent torments and haunts you.
    Another world where life endlessly taunts you.

    And all we do is watch, we the spectators
    And continue to when we are specters.

    Shakespearian sonnet ftw

  15. Wanted to write a haiku
    Somethings I just cannot do
    But for Bill Murray?
    A limerick! I’ll hurry
    and write one, but just for you.

  16. Bill Murray holds a place in all our hearts,
    Yet, what of he the forgotten Murrays?

    Does Brian Doyle deserve such scorn?
    Where it not for he, Noah’s Arcade would be set adrift?

    Do you not pay Joel any mind?
    Without him, Cusack would have entered his Crazy Summer alone?

    Have you spared a single thought to John?
    Would Scrooged’s Frank Cross been redeemed without his brother James?

    We all hold a place in our hearts for Bill Murray
    but there’s room in there for more.

  17. Bill Murray is the funniest actor, breeding
    LOLs out of the dead dialogue, mixing
    Hilarity and desire, stirring
    Dull scripts with deadpan expression.
    Zombieland kept us amused, covering
    October in undead gore, feeding
    A mediocre premise with incredible cameos.
    Fantastic Mr. Fox surprised us, coming over the age barrier
    With a flurry of intelligence; we paused at the puppeteering,
    And went on in hope, into the second half,
    And watched Michael Gambon, and laughed for an hour.
    That’s just weak songwriting. You wrote a bad song, Petey!
    And when we were children, watching the Ghostbusters,
    My favourite, he took me out on an adventure,
    And I was frightened. He said, Come on!
    Let’s run some red lights! And through we went.
    Into the paranormal, there you feel free.
    I watch, much of the night, and go to Netflix and rent Rushmore in the winter.

  18. I was of three minds,
    Like a tree
    In which I could watch either Ghostbusters, What About Bob?, or Lost in Translation.

  19. Peter Venkman, Steve Zissou,
    Spackler and Slater, to name a few.

    You’ve starred with Goop’s goddess,
    And Angel’s three,
    You’ve even proved stunning
    With face in a tree.

    I’ve quoted and loved you,
    Throughout your career.
    (I’m even still wondering what you said in her ear.)

    But Murray, my love,
    I’m sorry to say,
    I’ll never see Garfield,
    No cussin’ way.

  20. Thirteen Ways of Looking at Bill Murray

    Among twenty Garfield sequels,
    The only moving thing
    Was the eye of Bill Murray.

    I was of two minds,
    Like a Ghostbusters trilogy
    In which there are two films.

    Bill Murray whirled in the non-fiction golf book section.
    It was a small part of the career.

    Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell
    Are one.
    Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell
    Are one.

    I do not know which to prefer,
    The beauty of the Ramis
    Or the beauty of the Anderson,
    The career before Quick Change
    Or just after.

    Christopher Guest fills the track listing
    Of the Radio Hour box set.
    The shadow of Bill Murray
    Crossed it, to and fro.
    The question
    Of why they never worked together again
    An indecipherable cause.

    O thin men of the Wu Tang,
    Why do you drink herbal tea?
    Do you not see how Bill Murray
    Gargles oven cleaner
    In the diners about you?

    I know Chicago accents
    And punctured, recumbent A’s;
    But I know, too,
    That Bill Murray played Polonius
    In that Ethan Hawke thing.

    When Alexis Dziena walked out of sight,
    It marked the edge
    Of my attention span.

    At the sight of Bill Murray
    Improvising the last scene of Scrooged,
    Even O’Donoghue
    Would cry out sharply.

    Jordan Kerner rode over to the premiere
    In a limousine.
    Once, a fear pierced him,
    In that he mistook
    The image of Papa Smurf
    For Steve Zissou.

    Ernie Hudson is moving.
    Bill Murray must be checking his 800 number.

    It was evening all afternoon.
    I was karaokeing
    And I was going to karaoke.
    Bill Murray put his hands over my eyes.
    “No one will ever believe you.”

  21. Bill Marrey, please dont be so mad
    Indeed, an Oscar you’d love to win
    Lost in Translation sucked, I might add
    cause see,I d rather eat, my own foreskin

    Bill Marrey, its not he first time
    that you are being a complete dickhole
    so dip your dick in a cup of lime
    go ahead and fuck your eyehole

    Groundhog day, it was awesome
    you bitched again and you were right
    but stick that movie in your bossom
    cause you bitch, with all your might

    pretending to be a zombie, sneaking on a man
    like you did on zombie land,
    is a stupid idea, if he bears a damn shotgun
    I got bored.

  22. Bill was insane.
    He took a train.
    To New Orleans.
    In Search of some beans.
    Turns out they couldn’t handle the Murricane.

    My Bill Murray limerick.

  23. hshutup94

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