Obviously, YouTube user sirlancelot133 has a very solid lawsuit on his hands against the Rainbow and Sperry corporations. Let’s look at the facts please: Rainbows hurt the bottoms of his feet and Sperry’s embarrassed him at a frat party because he wore them with socks (clearly a Sperry’s problem). Furthermore, they stole memories from him and ruined the whole college. What’s more, he has barely eaten due to his sustained injuries. Let’s be real, Rainbows and Sperry’s, for the cost of two pairs of shoes, someone could purchase 120 chicken sandwiches from McDonald’s*, surely that alone is justification for legal action. (His father is a lawyer for Exxon Mobil, so, take that as you will, Rainbows and Sperry’s. Summer Shoes vs. Big Oil? I don’t think so.) Is it even worth adding at this point that your shoes are a little “metro”? In return for your negligence, all sirlancelot133 wants is 15 pairs of each of your shoes (one assumes that he would like the new pairs, you know, the shoes that you will be making after adopting all of his insisted upon security changes and design adjustments), warning labels on all of the boxes (presumably alerting potential customers that these shoes DO make you look “a little metro”) and your standard corporate face-to-face apology. What’s that? He did not rest his case? God damn it, another landmark civil lawsuit that could have very well brought some corporate responsibility to the greedy, anti-human business world defeated by the high-paid in-house litigators against whom these dorm-room lawyers are no match. We really hoped that “triple dog dare you” would hold the same weight in court as “I rest my case,” but these entrenched institutions take years to adapt to modern society. (Thanks for the tip, werttrew and John.)

*It is actually kind of annoying that he invokes the McDonald’s coffee lawsuit because a) he wasn’t even born when that was a punchline and b) the documentary Hot Coffee JUST AIRED this summer and explains how completely justified the woman was in that lawsuit (third degree burns in a parked car) and how the mockery her case received is a prime example of the success businesses are having at protecting their bottom line by eliminating consumer protections. PAY ATTENTION, LANCELOT133!
Comments (54)
  1. So this is the asshole who took the Youtube username I wanted.

  2. His dad basically runs the world, which is how he was able to afford that diamond hat.

  3. Hahahaha. I wish he’d come into my classroom with this excuse for missing class. “I couldn’t leave my room because there was blood on my socks.” Welp, you’re an entitled little asshole, so sit down and fail this quiz about Beowulf. There’s a guy who knows about blood on his socks.

    • Also he didn’t have time to read Beowulf because he had to write three angry letters to the shoe manufacturers within a week’s time.

      • Which just highlights how this kid is kind of like a modern-day Beowulf, and Rainbows and Sperry are Grendel and Grendel’s mother, obvious from how easily he dispatches of them. If anything, he learned too much about Beowulf from this experience.

  4. Picture of Curt Schilling’s bloody sock

  5. Lancelot133 vs. Sperry’s is our generations Kramer vs. Kramer. Except, you know, Dustin Hoffman is clearly Youtube in this case. And Meryl Streep is a rage-filled killing spree. And the little boy is me being painfully pulled between the two for all of eternity.

  6. Kid, bandaids.


  8. fake & greasy

  9. $120? Don’t they sell Sperry’s at Wal-Mart now for a bag-full of nickels?

  10. Another way to look at it is: Rainbow and Sperry should be given a commendation for making sure no one had to meet this guy during week one of college*

    *apologies to his roommate

  11. Upper right quartile?

  12. i really think we should reconsider making fun of anyone from virginia tech blogging their feelings online.

  13. Someone needs to get off of his boo-hoo-hoo suede shoes.

  14. Dear Professor Higginbotham c/o Virginia Tech,

    Please grant this little douchebag an extra credit point even though he missed the school blood drive. As it turns out, he is a whiny little bitch, which is a valid medical and legal excuse.

    Rainbows and Sperry’s

  15. Boy, if he’s worried about what the frat guys will think about his bloody sock, just wait until they see this video!

  16. Did you guys notice his headphones? I noticed his headphones. He wants you to also notice his headphones.

    I want to put this kid in a room with Courtney Stodden and see who comes out alive.

  17. Best promo for Season 3 of Eastbound and Down ever.

  18. Ya’ll got trolled.

  19. This is the epitome of first world problems. He is angry that he had to eat ramen noodles, watch Sports Center all day and play X-Box (occasionally). I’m pretty sure this is a normal day for at least 50% of college students.

  20. “Who let this kid into a frat party? No bid.” -frat guys Everyone

  21. For curious Monsters who have not seen Hot Coffee, here’s a Mental Floss article with the details of the McDonald’s coffee lawsuit: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/79371

    “I buy Mental Floss when I am bored in airports” –Tooch 1981 – 2012

  22. Hey kid, they aren’t responding cause they laughed so hard they peed their pants and are stuck in their office. They don’t want to be embarrassed so they just sit there laughing and peeing. Their office mate left cause he doesn’t like pee and they have no friends to get them food or a clean pair of pants. I smell a counter-suit

  23. This thing gets exponentially more hilarious with each sentence he utters. He is our generation’s Gingerkid.

  24. Wait, they can NOT take his video seriously, OR he can sue the bejeezus out of them? Wow, that’s a tough call.

  25. Where is Jim Carrey’s response video??

  26. lookin like an idiot wearing socks!

  27. Was that directed by J.J. Abrams?

  28. It has to be so exhausting being so self-assured.

  29. This guy got accepted in a university?

  30. His surname is diamond and he has a diamond on his hat?

  31. also, when he dares someone to not take him lightly, it’s best to not threaten to “sue the bejezuz” out of them.

  32. I guess he wants Sperry’s and Rainbows to make their shoes out of that “magical cotton” used on his polo socks

  33. Hahaha “upper right quartile”

  34. Asbergers?

  35. This is Lance Diamond, thanks for the love yall hahah I was on CNN….twice I win Haters Lose, thank you all doe

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