Look out girls because this week it’s BOYS ONLY! It’s a regular meeting of the He-Man Women Haters Club in this post right now. Kelly is off doing God knows what, just kidding, I knows what, so you’re left with Andrew and Joe. “Just the guys.” – Andrew. “Boys night on the town.” – Joe. To celebrate their bachelor’s post (do you get it yet that it is only two guys today?), they’re each talking about their favorite subjects: Andrew will be discussing a bird, of course, and Joe will be discussing a baby. You may think you’ve heard everything they have to say about these two topics because they’re always talking about them, but I think you’re in for a surprise! Let’s get to it.

Andrew’s Pick

You know how sometimes the perfect joke is really obvious? Like you and your friends are all hanging out at a coffee house or bar or abandoned yacht club or voodoo island when Kiera says something funny, and everybody immediately thinks up the same awesome response but Ryan gets there first, and you’re like, “DAMNIT,” but also you’re like “I’m glad someone said that hilarious thing”? That’s not how I feel about the joke in the description of this video at all. Calling a love bird a HATE bird? Totally hacky. So hacky, and I’d never do it (I’m lying). But the bird itself is pretty hacky, I think, because it’s WIELDING A BATTLEAXE AGAINST ALL COMERS, AVIAN BLOODLUST COURSING THROUGH ITS SLIGHT FRAME. I find it difficult to root for a murderer, Mssr. Bird. I’m sorry, but the Mr. Incredible and Fred Flintstone toys? Those men had families. May Bird G*d have mercy on your bird soul. –Andrew

Joseph’s Pick

UHHH. ERRR. Ugghmmm! Can someone please tell me what this is about? Because I’m not sure I can even begin. You know what, I’ll just stop right here. Sorry, guys, no post today! Couldn’t do it. I died. No just kidding! I’ll attempt. The Internet seems like a pretty unprecedented thing, at least in terms of entertainment. But the thing is, even when an Internet video is “strange” or “goofy,” you can still kind of break it down into its separate components and say, “Oh, I recognize that!” or “Oh, I see how this developed.” So, um, in the case of this video…there’s teen girls dancing to a pop song. Sure! Teen girls like songs, and dancing, and filming themselves. This is an element you can understand. The one teen girl is wearing her underwear over her clothes. Well, alright! This makes some sense to me. Underwear is funny. We’ve all been there. There’s a BIG BABY (I THINK) HAVING A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE…okay. Mmhmm. A very popular video classification. So as you can see, there’s nothing odd or even kind of totally scary about this video at all then! I’m good at explicating videos, right? See this and other videos in my upcoming thesis paper, “Gender and the Politics of Large Babies in American Gender Culture Gender.” –Joe

Comments (12)
  1. Yeah, about that one with the fat baby…I’m definitely either too old or not old enough to watch that video. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to either register as a sex offender or be sent to my room without dessert.

  2. WOW…good job boys!! I may be scarred for life, but true art is supposed to get a reaction…right?

    Also…what’s with throwing your brother on the floor and kicking him in the middle of the dance floor?!?! That’s just lazy choreography.

    • there was a brief few seconds, where i stopped laughing and considered whether or not he had just died, and then she kicked him and i lost it again.

      the “viral” status of this video is surely going to give these three problems when going through the interview process at Walmart in a couple years.

  3. OK that first one is really cute. The second one, I’m pretty sure there are many levels of child abuse going on there.

  4. Harmony Corine is kicking himself for turning down the directing gig for that second video.

  5. Wait but how come no one has brought up the fact that I don’t think that’s a baby but actually just a fat older kid in a diaper?

  6. These anonymous wise-apples know what you’re talking about.

  7. Katy Perry is to “Kathy Beth Terry” as “Criminal”-era Fiona Apple is to those girls.

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