Saying “the nerds are mad about Star Wars” is basically the same thing as saying “the nerds are.” Being mad about Star Wars is the nerds’ constant. But, you know, guess what. The nerds are mad about Star Wars. It was revealed yesterday that in the upcoming Blu Ray release of the original trilogy, in that scene where Duke Skywalker is losing his LaserSword™ battle with Mr. Emperor, and then Dark Vader comes up and throws Mr. Emperor off the balcony, instead of the genuinely intense and interesting silence of that scene, now Dark Vader shouts “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Hahhaha. Oh geez. Usually I don’t have much sympathy for the nerds–they whine too much and their glasses are too taped together–but that is pretty awful. It’s kind of amazing how good George Lucas is at ruining stuff. He needs to pull a George Cadanza and do the exact opposite of whatever his instincts are telling him. Anyway, as mad as the nerds are, they should count their blessings because think of all the dialogue that HASN’T been added to the Blu Ray:

  • “Frankly, Star Wars, I don’t give a damn.”
  • “I. DRINK. YOUR. SPACESHAKE.”
  • “I Have Had It With These Monkey-Fightin’ Ewoks On This Monday-To-Friday Tattooine.”
  • “You know what’s cooler than a million mars bucks? A billion mars bucks.”
  • “Needs more Tauntuanbell.”
  • “You know how I know you’re space gay?”
  • “Yoda. Yoda. She’s written 65 songs… 65. They’re all about you. They’re all about pain.”
  • “You had me at gleepgloopgleepglop.”

It is bad, but it could have been worse. Hush now, nerds. If you can’t fall sleep just lie on your cot and think about dinosaur bones you like.

Comments (125)
  1. I’ll Star Wars what she’s Star Warsing.

  2. You’re a wizard, Chewie

  3. This is our Star Wars!!!

  4. It’s Star Wars, jump into Star Wars.

  5. This is what happens, Luke. This is what happens when you fuck a wookie in the ass!

  6. Get your filthy lasers off me, you damn dirty droid.

  7. ABC – Always Be Chewbacca

  8. Clear eyes, full blasters, can’t lose.

  9. Storm Troopers. I hate these guys.

  10. “Play it, Sam. Play Ewok Celebration Theme…”

  11. Ow! My spaceballs!

  12. “I love the smell of proton torpedoes in the morning!”

    • Oh come on Mr. coffee, that’s Star Trek not Star Wars. -nerds, and me :(

      • Actually, can’t believe I’m interjecting here, proton torpedoes are a Star Wars weapon, like what Luke used to destroy the Death Star. Photon torpedoes are more common in Star Trek.

        “And that, fellas, is a line I like to call ‘The Panty Dropper” – One guy at a Star Trek Convention in 1984.

  13. If you can’t fall sleep just lie on your cot and think about dinosaur bones you like.

    I gotta say, that is the first new and clever nerd insult I’ve heard in years. Kudos.

  14. “Yeah, it’s the the Chewbaccanaut, Bitch”

  15. Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the Star Wars Room!

    #nailedit

  16. “I’m so tired of all these Star Wars.”

  17. Leia, don’t just look at it! Eat it!

  18. “A funny, made I.” – yoda

  19. Love means never having to say you’re sand people.

  20. Banthas? We ain’t got no Banthas! We don’t need no Banthas! I don’t have to show you any stinking Banthas!

  21. “You’re going to need a bigger Death Star.”

  22. Beam Me Up, Scotty

  23. “Rebels! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of the Galatic Empire, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.”

  24. Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former moisture farmer, now, about to become a Jedi master. It looks like a mirac… It’s in the exhaust port! It’s in the exhaust port! It’s in the exhaust port!

  25. Well, if you like tauntauns — give ‘em a try sometime. I can’t usually get ‘em myself because my girlfriend’s a wookie which pretty much makes me a wookie. But I do love the taste of a good tauntaun. Mm-mm-mm. You know what they call a tauntaun with cheese in France?
    No.
    A Star Wars Royale with cheese.
    A Star Wars Royale with cheese! You know why they call it that?
    Because of the empire?
    Check out the big brain on Luke! You’re a smart m——–r. That’s right. The empire.

  26. You had me at [insert Chewbacca sound here]

  27. Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of Alderaa–*BOOOOM*

  28. I know it was you, Greedo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.

  29. “FIRST!” -Han Solo

  30. i hope he adds more podrace scenes. and replaces the millenium falcon with a podracer.

  31. “You’re a sick fuck, Fett.”

  32. Did you fuck my droid?

  33. There’s no crying in podracing!

  34. ‘This duel was brought to you by POM Wonderful.’ – ObiPOM Kenobi

    ‘Oh my heavens, let’s do the Dougie, I do declare!’ – CSPOM

    ‘Here we go again!’ – Boba POM Fett

    (miscellaneous Ewok farts)

  35. Leave the blaster, take the canoli.

  36. Greedo is good.

  37. “Forget it, Hans. It’s Tibannopolis.”

  38. George Lucas: “We’re adding a brand new Lightsabre fight to Return of the Jedi”

  39. Subtlety? You want the subtlety? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE SUBTLETY!

    “This wasn’t part of the FILM!”
    “I am ALTERING the film. PRAY I don’t alter it any further!”

  40. “Mr. Hutt, you’re trying to seduce me… aren’t you?”

  41. I see you have constructed a new lightsaber. And it’s 4G? Sick balls, bro.

  42. This is actually an example of George Lucas’s judicious editing. The first draft was, “This reminds me of the last time I shouted ‘NOOOOOOOOO!’”

  43. “I am a golden Tauntaun!”

  44. R2 be or not D2 bee.

  45. I want you to Darth me as hard as you can.

  46. Yoda man now, dog!

  47. “You’ve been to Saturn? Hey I’ve been to Saturn. Whoa. Sandworms, ya hate em, right?”

  48. C3PO, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

  49. “Run C3P000000000000 RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!”

    “Why doncha luuuv me Luke? I am not be a good man, but I know what Luv is”

    “Why, this Death Star is Auto-matic. Its System-matic. Its Hyyyyydro-matic. Why, its Greased Lightning!”

    “Darth Vader:What’s it like not to feel the Dark Side?
    Luke: Let’s say there was a little boy, and from the time he could understand, he was taught to fear… let’s say he was taught to fear darkside. He was taught that it was his enemy, that it would hurt him. And then one dark day, you ask him to join the darkside and he won’t. You can’t be angry at him can you?
    Darth: I knew that little boy and I saw the darkness in his eyes, and no matter what you say or do, that’s still what I see.
    Luke: We are who we are. Jedis don’t change. ”

    Darth Vader:”I had no idea you could milk a Wookie.”
    Han Solo:- “Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.”
    Darth:- “I have nipples, Han. Could you milk me?”

  50. Poor Darth must fuck like dogshit.

  51. Eechuta you, you eechutaing eechuta!

  52. That’s what I love about these jawas, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

  53. Gotta make my mind up, which X-Wing can I take?

  54. “Next Saturday night, we’re sending you back to the Death Star!”

  55. I’m just waiting for this at the end:

    http://youtu.be/SRd55I46th8

    (was going to make a gif but needed the music ♥)

  56. “Frozen carbonite or alive, you’re coming with me!”

  57. If I grew up on a moisture farm and was retarded, Dagobah might might impress me. But I didn’t, so it doesn’t.

  58. “You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon?…It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. Which, to clarify, are units of length and not time, and I am fully aware of that.”

  59. CGI? I hate the word, as I hate Coruscant, all Hammerheads and thee

  60. “man tatooine is beautiful”

    “and now with more sand.”

  61. Hasta la vista, Boba.

  62. Get your stinkin’ paws off me, you damned dirty nerf herder!

  63. Nobody puts Boba in the corner.

  64. “Scaredness leads to being upset.
    Being upset leads to disliking stuff.
    Disliking stuff leads to DISCOMFORT!!!”
    -Yoduh

  65. GOOOOOD MORNING, ALDERAAAAAAN!!!

  66. On the run from Johnny Law. Ain’t no trip to Yavin IV.

  67. Clever Droid…

  68. I did not hit her, its not true..its bullshit! I did not hit her….I did not…….oh, hi Darth.

  69. Every time I try to get out, they just keep Force pulling me back in.

  70. “tell them I’m through, for love of the podrace.”

  71. …and that’s when the attack comes, not from the front, but from the sides. From the the other banthas you didn’t even know were there.

  72. Who the hell is George Cadanza?

  73. The name is Vader,
    Dark Vader

  74. “Jeddddddddiiiiiiiiissssss! Come out to play-ayyyyyyyyyyyy!”

  75. You are tearing me apart, Chewbacca!

  76. Meesa know what yousa thinking. Did meesa fire six shots or meesa fire only five?

  77. Damn it Leia, I’m a smuggler, not a Jedi!

  78. My God, it’s full of Star Wars.

  79. Holy Tuscan Raiders Master Obiwan!

  80. Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout Chewbacca?

  81. “im getting too old for this sith”

  82. stormtrooper: “I CAN’T BELIVE YOU SLEPT WITH MY BROTHER!”

    stormtrooper’s girlfriend: “HE LEFT HIS HELMET ON!!!”

  83. Heeeeeeeeere’s Jabba!

  84. “The greatest trick the Emperor ever pulled was to convince the Senate he didn’t exist.”

  85. Remember the Tatooines

  86. Send in the clones!
    Don’t bother… they’re here.

  87. Ewoks never say die!

  88. Dying Darth: “Earn this…”

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