We already talked about the long-awaited trailer for Margaret yesterday, the follow-up to Kenneth Lonergan’s wonderful first movie, You Can Count on Me, which associate editor Kelly hates for some reason. (What’s the matter with you, Kelly? That movie is great!) So, it’s not going to get much more exciting than that, which was VERY EXCITING, I’m sure. And look, I’m not going to lie to you, it’s the beginning of September, Labor Day weekend, not exactly the time when movie studios wow us with their hottest coming attractions. This week’s kind of got some duds in it. But hey! Let’s talk about these old duds!

Wilde Salome

HOO-AH! The budget for Al Pacino’s head on this movie must have been tremendous. Look at that head on him! Also, this is fine and everything, but these myths about incredibly famous and successful people “doing too much” simply has to go. Whatever his role was in directing this, I bet you he got A LITTLE BIT OF HELP FROM SOME FRIENDS. You know what I mean? Something tells me it was NOT AS HARD OR AS TIME-CONSUMING AS HE IS MAKING IT OUT TO BE. But sure. Al Pacino, the hardest working man in all of the businesses, we got it.

The Double

Boo! This could have been such a good thriller. I love thrillers like this! But I have never seen a trailer that so blatantly and aggressively gives away the twist. And if you missed them giving away the twist, don’t worry, they give it away 10 more times before the end. What? And even if there is another double-reverse-twist that isn’t in the trailer it really doesn’t matter, there’s absolutely no way that it’s going to be satisfying. Oh well. Chalk it up. Put it to bed. Goodnight.

The Skin I Live In

Pedro Almodovar movie. Good. Next trailer.

Fireflies In The Garden

Huh. The Green Lantern 2 is NOT what I expected! (Good joke.) This looks mostly miserable, and I don’t mean that in a mean way, like, I think it’s supposed to look miserable, but I don’t know, I’m not in college anymore. That kind of thing just does not interest me as much as it used to. I get it: dads stink. No kidding. Let’s all write books about it and throw dinner plates against the wall, but after that let’s watch something GOOD.

Janie Jones

First of all, it is such a lazy trick to put an acoustic guitar in someone’s hand as a way to show they are a deep and emotional character. Also, have you ever seen someone with an acoustic guitar in their hand? It’s annoying. Get them away from me. But more importantly: movies about grown men developing strong emotional attachments to young girls CAH-REEP AH-ME OUT! It’s weird. What is that all about? Speak of what is that all about, wait until you see this next trailer:

Stay Cool

Gross. Gross! Look, this movie might be really well written and perfectly well put together and there is nothing particularly problematic about the cast: Chevy Chase can be super funny, Winona Ryder is too skinny and aging a little weirdly but is otherwise unobjectionable, Hilary Duff (?!) and that dude from Northfork and Twin Falls Idaho, which are not comedies, but are interesting. Oh, also Samwise Gamgee. (Jon Cryer and Josh Holloway cancel each other out.) But at the end of the day this is a romantic comedy about a middle-aged man having an inappropriate relationship with a high school student and DING DONG THAT IS DISGUSTING. (Also it was made in 2009 and is only getting released now but I’m sure that’s normal and not an indication of any deep-seated problems with the movie.)

Comments (37)
    • haha. awwww.

    • I’ve always loved that movie and I think it’s criminally underrated. Everything about it is basically the best. Just the way Tom Hanks says “You will record ‘That thing you do’ in Spanish. You get one cut per side of the LP, but i don’t want any of this lover’s lament crap. I want something peppy, something happy, something up-tempo.” Perfect. Nailed it.

  1. “First of all, it is such a lazy trick to put an acoustic guitar in someone’s hand as a way to show they are a deep and emotional character.” -Just a Very Good Assessment of John Mayer

  2. I see Ryan Reynolds is trying out John Ritter’s old “beard = serious actor” trick.

  3. Where have all the good movies gone? The last good movie I saw was Midnight In Paris. I seriously have not been interested in a single movie since (maybe PotApes, but i’m not going to see that). These trailers are further contributing to the GARBAGE strom that is the last few months of movies

  4. Janie Jones= This Year’s “Somewhere”

  5. So, was the surprise in ‘the double’ when I said, “Heeeey, what’s up?” to my computer.

  6. Movie trailers make me so uncomfortable.

  7. Nip/Tuck the movie looks pretty good actually….except I cannot get over Antonio Banderas holding someone hostage with a garden hose. That weak spray is DESTROYING that guy…I mean what is going on there?

    I hope there’s a scene leading up to it where the guy laughs at Antonio because the water is just trickling out of the hose, but then Antonio does that thing where you put your thumb in the hose to make it spray and then that leads to the scene we see in the trailer. That would pretty much explain away the issues I have.

  8. Al Pacino once again declares “I am an acTOR. I am a trained ShakeSPEARian acTOR, look at me!” We get it Al, you like the stage. Then go be on the stage.

  9. I wonder if Al Pacino reads the signs in Rome with a British accent too.

  10. I am worried. The title The Skin I Live In seems waaay too specific. I fear the implication that the movie features piles of skin in which the protagonist does not live.

  11. let’s talk Stay Cool, internet. questions aren’t cool, but i have them. for instance, why does Chevy Chase have Chris Farley’s fake nose from Dirty Work?

    is that something he saw the new funny guys did on set, so 14 year later he’s giving it a shot?

    also, Sean Astin’s character.Basically his skooter-riding Encino Man character was shot through the vortex of middle earth and came out the other side as Perez Hilton?

  12. Could you guys help me out? I’m trying to think of the different categories of people in the world. Here’s what I have:

    -People who are obsessed with other people
    -People who are born unlucky
    -Those who contribute to human progress
    -Those who abuse their power
    -Those who were born to fight
    -Those who live in a violent world
    -People born to survive

    What am I missing?

  13. “Fireflies In The Garden” sounds like a fake movie title from a tv show. “And the Oscar goes to…Vincent Chase, for Fireflies In The Garden.”

  14. As another Gay Pedro, I always find myself a bit proud when I see an Almodovar film is being released, because for a second, I mistake myself for the director, and wonder when I had the time to make a movie, and then I create fake memories of lounging with Penelope Cruz and Antonio Banderas (sans Fishlips) by Barcelona (that’s where they all hang out, right?)

    It’s healthy to dream.

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