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Twilight comes out this weekend, and the fans are looking even crazier than those Harry Potter kids who wanted to stage a massive protest when Warner Bros. pushed the release date of Half Blood Prince back eight months. Clearly there is something about fantastical movies intended for children that crushes minds.
But it’s important for these young, mentally unhinged Twilight fans to be fully aware of what they’re getting into. Being into vampires as a 12-year-old girl is fine. Science says that it’s a completely normal part of puberty. But if you don’t grow out of this weird infantile obsession with paranormal dry-humping, then there is a much darker path that awaits you.
Because an adult obsession with vampires, much like an adult obsession with anything, is alienating and uncomfortable for everyone. You can write Lindsay Robertson and Edward Cullen on your Trapper Keeper now, but eventually, if you do not move forward, that niche interest turns into this:
(fey friends via ytr)
You don’t want this, do you? No one wants this. I’m even going to be nice and assume the guy who made this doesn’t want it. Right, DJ Bobo?
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what do you think this guy’s punishment would be at the vampire junkyard jail?
omg – i really think he is joking
there is absolutely no other explanation
I double dog dare Lindsay and Gabe to remake this video in Central Park. No lip-syncing.
The best part is the very end. DJ Bobo knows that just because vampires are alive (they’re not), that doesn’t mean they can’t have a good time.
This is why God invented scissors. So you can stab your eyes out to avoid watching nightmare sadness like this. Scissors work in eardrums too, right?
I had no idea what Twilight was until a few weeks ago on the subway. A 35 year old woman was reading it and I read the back notes on the book. “Hm,” I thought, “she seems a little old to be reading stupid vampire chick lit.”
And then the ads for the movie start playing, and now all I can think about is how that guys hair is enormous.
I’m so…confused. Wha? Vampires dancing and celebrating life? That’ll do Switzerland, that’ll do.
“I sleep through the daylight, hence my grave”HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
A not-a-4th-grader wrote that for other people to listen to him singHAHAHAHAHAHA.
OME ~HDU~.
TWILIGHT VAMPIRES ~*~*sparkle*~*~ AND THEY ARE LIKE SPESHUL SNOWFLAKES OKAY!
…….
Just kidding.
It’s the worst series ever written. The last book is all about how if you get married and have a demonspawn baby at age 18 that is literally killing you, then everything will be a-okay and you will live happily ever after for all of eternity.
Typical Twilight fan:
Wasn’t this for the Eurovision song contest?
It didn’t make it through to the finals. BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE STANDARDS ARE SO HIGH!
I’m just going to assume it’s for Eurovision, because otherwise. In that context it makes at least some sense (but not much).
The worst thing about being a teenage girl is that even your otherwise intelligent, reasonable friends eat that Twilight shit up. I think there is something seriously wrong with being that obsessively in love with a fictional teen monster. He is not hott. He is made of words.
Haha, “he is not hott. he’s made of words.” is the best line ever.
I can’t believe I watched that whole thing. Just, wow.
True comment on this youtube video.
“I remember this song. It was my favourioute. I was suprised when it didn’t get through. I felt like crying or even skipping school.”
I feel bad for the youth of the world and their misplaced emotion.
I also don’t appreciate how the guy seems to have been heavily influenced by Voltaire, a fantastic ‘gothic’ musician who also has a tendency to write about vampires and such, but in a much more clever and entertaining way. (For example, he has one song that tears the piss out of ‘Vampire Clubs’, a bunch of sad, too-old twilight fans who dress up like vampires and go to special night clubs) He has some intelligent and delightfully witty lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFt8WQkEvb8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmLYw6wglEY
How has “unts-unts” music survived enough that this idea gets budget enough for a decent video and a shitty song?
I think you’re missing the point, Gabe. Twilight fans want to be those dancing singing vampires. They want to go to garbage jail because it seems edgy and cool when you’re 12 and in Peoria.
i love twilight i wish theres a twilight 2