You know how celebrities are always saying that the thing that they want the most is a blowjob from a real life mermaid to just be able to go out in public for once in their lives without being recognized, enjoying that beautiful sense of privacy that the rest of us stupid civilians take for granted? Well, Kevin Bacon DID IT! And HATED IT! From the LA Times (Via FilmDrunk):

A couple of years ago, Kevin Bacon needed a few degrees of separation from his fame. He daydreamed of a crowded place where people didn’t tug at his sleeve to gush about “Footloose” or quote “Diner.” Finally, he went to a Hollywood makeup specialist and invested in a custom-made disguise that was weirdly simple but completely effective. He paid the $500 and then, with an anxious glee, he took his new rubber face to the Grove shopping center to experience an afternoon without autographs.

“You wouldn’t have recognized me if I was standing next to you,” Bacon said with a faraway expression. “It was really bizarre and I didn’t really like it. I didn’t like it at all. People cut in front of you and when you’re at a check-out counter it’s just … different. People weren’t all that nice to me. I’m just not used to it.”

Sitting in a quiet corner of a Brentwood restaurant, the actor shook his head, perhaps surprised at his own candor and then laughed at himself. “I can’t imagine life without it,” he added, referring to fame…

You know what I like about this? It’s honest! Kevin Bacon is famous and loves it. Good for him! That old chestnut about how hard it is being a celebrity because people take your picture at CVS has always seemed kind of specious. I’m not saying there aren’t ASPECTS of it that aren’t VERY VERY HARD. Most celebrities end up borderline psychotic, so something is obviously up with it. But they place their focus on the wrong things. Like, what I think probably makes famous people so crazy is the unrelenting status anxiety that comes with living a momentarily exciting life that you know for a fact could and almost definitely WILL be snatched away from you at any second. And since most of the people who finally get that kind of life were the ones willing to do absolutely ANYTHING they could to get it in the first place, you can imagine that the terror of losing it is pretty complete and makes for scrambled brains. But, like, yeah, going to a restaurant and having everyone falling over themselves to pour you free champagne is NOT THE ISSUE. Admittedly, I’m not entirely clear why Kevin Bacon dressed up in a disguise to GO TO THE MALL. That doesn’t sound fun at all. Then again, his name is Kevin Bacon, not Kevin Genius.

Comments (26)
  1. Damn, Gabe, you are killing the photoshop game with that picture…I will congratulate you next time I see you in public

  2. For anybody wondering, Kevin Bacon was inCcavedweller with Paul Brogren who was in Detroit Rock City with Kevin Corrigan who was in Moves: The Rise and Rise of The New Pornographers with Gabe Delahaye.

  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  4. “Who’s this asshole in the weird, plastic mask? I’m getting out of here.”

    • “Here comes that freak that looks like Kevin Bacon with a creepy mask on again. Make sure all of the iPhones are locked down.” – some Apple Store employee

  5. I’m a girl, and even I want a blowjob from a mermaid. Possibly your best strikethrough yet, Gabe.

  6. One day I paid $500 so that I could be disguised as Kevin Bacon, and people weren’t nearly as nice to him as they apparently are to him. Though that could be because instead of paying more for the “Handsome Kevin Bacon” disguise, I went for the cheaper “Child Molester Kevin Bacon” disguise from those Logitech TV commercials.

  7. this says more about how shitty people are to 1 another than it does 2 what being faymouse iz like. or being Kevin Bacon. being famous didnt keep that Madoff from stealing all his $. + you should all know people are even worse 2 animalz. we need to stop the humans. we need to RISE! WHO’S WITH ME??!

  8. Excuse me, which way is the Cinnabon?

  9. “There’s just no fakin’ Bacon.” – Ben Lyons

  10. He also discussed this when he was interviewed before his “Not My Job” segment on Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me! if you want to hear it come out of his mouth directly. Love, NPR Nerd

  11. Was this the same day he walked around and told everyone his name was Kevin Beggin’ Strips?

  12. I’m Kevin Bacon! …dot com!”

  13. The awesomest thing about being Kevin Bacon is that he always wins the “6 Degrees Of Kevin Bacon” game. I mean seriously, don’t even bother playing him. The guy’s that good.

    • I actually want there to be an annual contest against Kevin Bacon for that game because I’m pretty sure there are people that could beat Kevin Bacon at that game and I’m pretty sure they are super intense and creepy and I want to see those people

  14. “A couple of years ago, Kevin Bacon needed a few degrees of separation from his fame.”

    – LA Times writer nailing it.

    • Rejected by editorial:

      “A couple of years ago, Kevin Bacon wanted to be footloose and fancy free…”

      “A couple of years ago, something something Apollo 13…”

  15. “You wouldn’t have recognized me if I was standing next to you,”

    I’m not sure I would have anyway, Mr. Cool Surgery.

  16. He probably could have watched that 30 Rock episode with Jon Hamm as a beautiful person (redundancy, I know) and saved himself a lot of time.

    If not, he ALSO could have reasoned a trip to the mall is depressing in whatever face he chose.

  17. Kevin’s cocaine nostrils are highly unsettling.

  18. Are you sure? You want to live like common people? You want to see whatever common people see?

  19. He told this story on some late night talk show that isn’t Conan or Stewart or Colbert and therefore doesn’t matter and it was one of those things they play in the back of cabs on loop for a few months. Thank god the only time most people are in cabs are when they’re too drunk to understand what they’re being submitted to.

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