Something that at least I see as a sad truth about hearing that a show is going to be coming to ABC is that there aren’t any good shows on ABC. I can’t even REMEMBER the last time there was a show on ABC that I watched. Probably Modern Family would be the example most people would counter that thought with, and Modern Family is certainly a fine show, but to be honest I feel mostly not very excited about it overall. I don’t watch it, let’s say. So hearing a show is coming to ABC generally means, TO ME, that there will be another television show on ABC and then that is the end of that thought. But this show kind of sounds like maybe something? Let’s think about this show for a second. From The Hollywood Reporter:

ABC is getting into the music business with a comedy project from Seinfeld writer Jennifer Crittenden and Scrubs scribe Gabrielle Allan. The as-yet-untitled project would revolve around a “super cool” 1990s all-girl band who, after 20 years of bad blood, tries to reunite though they’re no longer girls and no longer cool.

It goes on to say that they’ll, after reuniting, have small success with a “viral-type” video (ugh), but that it will mostly be about them touring around and going to lame venues that they wouldn’t have gone to when they were cool and not lame. Which doesn’t actually sound very good. That premise sounds ONLY like a montage. But! ’90s girl group! Comedy music show! In current times! With a Seinfeld writer and a Scrubs writer and I understand that maybe Scrubs wasn’t that great but also in its day it wasn’t THAT bad and I really feel like everyone should give it a break most of the time! WHY DON’T THEY TRY TO MAKE THIS BETTER? This is how they can make this better: 

  • No “mom jeans” jokes.
  • No jokes about spanx.
  • No terrible children who are so embarrassed.
  • Force Carrie Brownstein to be involved.
  • Absolutely no Liz Phair cameo.
  • I’m sorry but no Lauren Graham.
  • No scene where they realize they don’t really know how to play their instruments very well anymore.
  • No scene where the mom has to drop her kids off at school in the old touring van because her actual car broke down and can you believe this thing still runs?
  • No stupid band name.
  • NO MOM JEANS JOKES.
  • Change it from a comedy to a drama/comedy.
  • Maybe put it on NBC instead.
  • Have the actual music remain a small part of the series, but when there is music make the music preeeeeeetty good.
  • LOTS of Kurt Cobain references.
  • Don’t make them dress stupid during performances.
  • Once Carrie Brownstein is involved try to get Fred Armisen too.
  • No one from Desperate Housewives.
  • The women shouldn’t be totally ignorant of current music.
  • No scene where a kid says “Who’s Kurt Cobain?” after the moms are making one of their MANY Kurt Cobain/Nirvana references.
  • They should talk about other girl bands/artists that actually existed in the ’90s but really there should be no cameos, not even Carrie Brownstein though definitely get her involved in some way.
  • Let me write it.

So there you have it, GABRIELLE ALLAN and JENNIFER CRITTENDEN. Basically a blue-print for a hit TV show that will probably let’s face it only last at the most one season either way so I guess who cares. Is it bedtime yet? Goodnight!

Comments (45)
  1. “Oh look! It’s only Michael Stipe, who also happens to be our landlord.”

  2. Might this band of theirs be called…HOT SUNDAE?


    You guys, I am SO EXCITED for this show.

  3. Forgot one:
    -No show about a ’90s girl band

  4. I’m sure it will be a laugh riot, grrrl.

  5. Can we just strike wistful Nirvana/Cobain references from our culture entirely? I mean, Nirvana was a cromulent band and all, but enough already. More often than not, I skip past them on the radio or on my ipod because that whiny shit did not age well.

    • “This shit is cromulent, dawf!”
      -R2d2, the first time he heard Nirvana in 1991.

    • there is a good article on Slate that really goes after how awful nostalgia is and how it is a limiting trap that keeps people from creating new ideas that looks at it through the idolization of kurt cobain and Nirvana.

      it is excellent and i agree with it almost completely, but I still love the music. but basically in 20 years, we should all do our best to not be that dad/uncle we all have that says “Rock N Roll died with the Who” but just say “Nirvana” instead.

    • Cult of personality aside, In Utero is still a great record because Butch Vig couldn’t drown the songs in dated effects. Steve Albini 4eva!

  6. Get Courtney Love involved. And Kathleen Hanna. There is literally no way that could end badly.

  7. “Death Cab for WHAT-ie?” -almost certainly a quote from ABC’s upcoming, as-of-yet-untitled, ’90s girl band television show.

  8. NO MOM JEANS JOKES.

    But if you recall, what we now call mom jeans were just what women were wearing in the nineties. Look at any show from those days if you don’t believe me. Fuckin’ nightmare, I tells ya.

    • Aren’t people wearing those again today though? Especially in the form of cutoff shorts? Or are all the hipsters I see around town just super lame? Oh… wait.

      • Ya burnt, hipsters.

        For some reason, they’re bringing back the pants that make your gut look bigger and your ass look flatter. I will never understand this.

  9. I’ve got an idea for the show, one of the girls wears only t-shirts of other girl bands and every week she wears a different shirt (like Judah Friedlander with the hats).

    Episode #1 – Bananarama shirt

    • Episode #2

      (I have been waiting for an opening to make this joke for 15 years now. My time has come at last!)

      • I was once the Guitar Tech for Hanson, about 5 years ago in Toronto. Hilarious story because 1) I’m not a guitar tech by trade, and 2) Hanson and their entourage and their fans (who begged me to throw them their sweaty towels after the show, true horrendously gross story) are the most surreal people you’ll experience. Super nice guys. But clearly guys who grew up in fame. I’m often inclined to share this event when the topic of Hanson is raised, yet I never do. But this time I did.

  10. I can’t wait for the crossover episode where they open for the Blues Brothers.

  11. “What do you get when you cross a pair of Mom jeans and a gorilla”
    “Oh, uh, I don’t know, what do you get?”
    “I don’t know, but I definitely won’t be making fun of it for wearing Mom Jeans!”

    *dragged off stage by vaudeville cane*

  12. Don’t have one of their daughters be Kreayshawn!

  13. I want flashbacks to Z Cavaricci’s and Skidz. Actually, just set the whole thing in the 90′s with hot 20-something actresses.

  14. Kelly, I think you’re my soul mate. Want to come sit on my couch and eat snacks and talk about our dream TV shows?

  15. Good shows on ABC: Boy Meets World, Full House, Family Matters, Step by Step, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, geez DAD.

  16. The main thing I’m gathering from these comments is we each imagine very different things when someone says “90′s Girl Bands.”

  17. No ultra-conservative children. (“we need a foil for this wacky mom, character–hey, why don’t we make one of her KIDS a republican!”)

  18. Gilmore Grrrls

  19. Carrie Brownstein could make this good, because she is the best human being.

  20. I don’t know why, but I can’t not see this starring Parker Posey. This has ‘Parker Posey’ writtn all over it.

    In fact, I predict they’re going to clone Parker Posey twice so that she can play all the lead characters and the band will be called ‘Parker and the Poseys’ and it will be amazing.

  21. I say they just make a Josie and the Pussycats live action series based on the movie. Get the original cast and have Anna Waronker write all of the songs. You’re welcome, ABC.

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