Whoa. This photo of Angelina Jolie from the upcoming issue of Vanity Fair in which she is whispering into the ear of her one child who will definitely grow up normal and well-adjusted for sure while her other daughter who will also grow up very normal almost TOO normal probably stands in the background is probably the first photo we’ve ever posted that is just MADE for a caption contest. Like, you should probably go to the Novelty Gift Store and by a pack of those cartoon talk bubble stickers that you used to be able to buy in the 1900s that you would stick on actual photos (actual WHATS?) and write funny captions on them. Do you remember those stickers? Ask your grandma if she remembers those stickers. Anyway, WHAT WONDERFUL SECRET IS ANGELINA JOLIE WHISPERING?! My guess is that it’s something like: “You should always treat people with kindness, respect, and understanding, because not only is the world a cruel and uncaring place filled with billions of people who do not enjoy many of the privileges that you and I take for granted, but on top of that you just don’t necessarily know where someone is coming from and so maybe what you perceive to be rudeness or distraction is the result of an upsetting personal issue and has nothing to do with you and your response might aggravate the situation whereas if you were to be patient and give them the benefit of the doubt you might actually improve their otherwise unhappy day. Just kidding, let’s call the Paparazzi and tell them to meet us at the G8 Summit so we can throw scones at presidents.” Something like that.
Winner will receive
a walk-on role in Salt 2: Pass The REVENGE (gooood joke!) special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. (Image via MarkLisanti.)