The rumor mill has been off the charts lately with rumors about who is going to be cast in the upcoming movie version of Les Miserables. We’ve all heard them. It’s almost like we’re sick of all the rumors but then it’s like GIVE ME MORE OF THEM, because really we can’t get enough? You know what I mean. The latest rumor is that unstoppable performer Anne Hathaway has been cast as Fantine! From BroadwayWorld.com:

Anne Hathaway was last associated with Les Miserables when she belted out her own version of “Own My Own” at February’s Oscar ceremony to past host Hugh Jackman. Now, BroadwayWorld.com’s reliable sources tell us that at Jackman’s pushing, she is now set to take on the role of Fantine in the eagerly anticipated film version of the epic musical.

To completely switch gears in tone right now: UGH OH COME ON NO THANK YOU ANNE HATHAWAY! There was once a point in my life during which I did not find Anne Hathaway completely insufferable and unbelievable as any character, even the character OF Anne Hathaway, but that point ended a long time ago. And, ugh, THE SINGING. The constant singing and rapping. No thanks, please, I said no thank you. But then again I guess it’s a little silly to be put off by a casting rumor for a Les Miserables movie because that is already an unappealing movie idea, as most* musical-to-movie movie ideas are. Will I get school credit? That’s what I’d like to know. Five extra points on the English final? If we’re not getting school credit I’m NOT GOING. Which brings me to my question: Who would have to be cast in the Les Miserables movie to get it to a point where you would actually maybe want to go?

Now, I don’t really know the roles of Les Miserables by memory and I wish there were a way to look them up but I don’t have a Playbill or anything like that with me right now so these are just suggestions for ANY character that might fit these peoples gender roles.

Britt Daniel from Spoon

I would see the movie version of Les Miserables SO many times if Britt Daniel from Spoon were in it! Wow. I didn’t even think I would have a smart idea in the blog post, and here I am, typing out the SMARTEST idea. Way to start off on a high note great job Kelly you are very good at this.

Aziz Ansari

Oh yeah, I would definitely see this movie if Aziz were in it. Did you guys see the movie he’s in with Jesse Eisenberg? Robbing A Bank? He was very good in that movie! He was very funny. I give him a 10/10 for that movie. I give that movie, though, by itself, if I’m being honest, probably a 6.8/10? Anyway, next.

Ryan Gosling

Duh.

Kelly Conaboy

First of all I know this photo has a watermark on it but it’s the best one of me I could find. Second, it’s not like I WANT to be in this movie, it’s just that I’m not going to not see a movie that I AM in.

Vincent Gallo

I just think he would be good in it.

Chuck Bass

The character Chuck Bass.

Hugh Laurie

I think Hugh Laurie is pretty good, right? Remember when he was Bertie Wooster? That was great. Also I bet he can sing which would be a plus.

Li’l Wayne

The thing I like most about Li’l Wayne is that he is legitimately a crazy person. And for Li’l Wayne’s songs they would all be autotuned and everyone would love it. That is a genius idea. PRINT, GREENLIGHT.

I guess that’s it? No girls. I don’t care about ANY girls other than myself apparently, but if we can get these guys to play all the parts that would be great. Thanks for the tip, Scott!

*With the one exception of the ’70s Jesus Christ Superstar movie which is actually the best movie, that is a fact.
Comments (54)
  1. “If it’s not the original cast recording, I do not care.” -Patrick Bateman

  2. Birdie- Jean’s dog who he steals bread for

    Bell and Biv but not Devoe

  3. Andy Serkis.

  4. What about Haley Joel Osment? He’s probably already got practice stealing loaves of bread to survive.

  5. Gerard Depardieu! Obviously. In the role of “Man pees on Airplane…for bread”

  6. Obtenir son fait!

  7. The kids from The Glee Project, obvs.

  8. Hugh Laurie can sing, but he also raps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7geU-4MPOE

    Dealbreaker?

  9. Tilda Swinton. As everyone. And maybe Adam Scott can stand in the background sometimes? I would pay so much to see that. For real.

  10. ricky gervais and gerard depardieu. one can take the piss out of it, and the other would put it all back in.

  11. These guys. They already know the words!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhXsJjVdj1E

  12. Oh shoot I forgot to mention Courtney Stodden.

  13. Perfect for Jean Valjean

  14. So, I mentally applied real Les Mis roles to each of your suggestions:

    Britt Daniel for Valjean
    Aziz Ansari for Gavroche
    Ryan Gosling for Marius (double duh)
    Kelly Conaboy as Eponine
    Vincent Gallo for Thenardier (I originally cast Aziz for this, but I can change my mind, dammit)
    Chuck Bass for Marius’ friend whatsisname
    Hugh Laurie as Javert
    Lil Wayne as Madame Thenardier

    …AND Aubrey Plaza as Cosette

  15. Can Javert look just like a bald version of Valjean, and be 500 lbs, stupid and fart a lot? Because, then, Eddie Murphy.

  16. I would see any Les Mis movie with any cast because I’m a weird Les Mis fanatic.

    But the main point of this comment was to tell you that I signed in just to tell you that you’ve been ON FIRE lately, Kelly. Stop drop and roll.

  17. This is again just a great, great Kelly post.

  18. Je ne pense pas que ce film sera mieux que le dernier avec Liam Neeson. Le seul chose ils peuvent changer, peut-etre, c’est a guarder Liam Neeson mais avec plus d’action comme “Taken” ce fois. Qu’est-ce que vous en pensez?

  19. Annie Cuhlark as a girl who does singing and has dirt on her face but still bright eyes! Oh! and Paul Udesky from Jurrassic Park three as John ValJohn!

  20. Why are they even making this movie? Didn’t one “just come out” (like ten years ago) with Liam Neeson? We can’t find any other movies to make, so we’re gonna make this one, even though most of the principals could probably still be in the remake, in their original parts?

  21. And St. Vincent can perform her song, “Paris is Burning.”

    • I’m actually really surprised that Kelly didn’t include St Vincent in the proposed cast list up there. Kelly, how are you doing? Is everything okay? Are you eating? I’m just very worried about you.

  22. I will watch anything Britt Daniel is in. He could be in an Iranian hostage video where tens of babies were murdered with Britt Daniel holding the knife and I would watch it because he is the best.

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