UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, YOU GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS?! Give me a second to try and explain what this is, because I’m not really too sure myself. The Canadian actor Jim Carrey (The Majestic, The Number 23) recorded a personalized video message to American actress Emma Stone (The Help) and posted it to the Internet. Oh, isn’t that nice. Hollywood seems like such a dehumanizing place, you so rarely hear celebrities actually talk to each other in their own words as everything is processed through the publicity filter. What does he want to say to her? OH JUST BASICALLY HOW BADLY HE WANTS TO BANG HER BUT HOW HE KNOWS HE’S TOO OLD, BUT SO HE DOES HOPE THAT SHE FINDS LOVE IN HER LIFE EVEN IF IT CAN’T BE WITH HIM, BUT IF IT WAS WITH HIM THE SEX WOULD BE AMAZING, AND ALSO THEY WOULD GO CAMPING, SO GOOD LUCK WITH HER ACTING. Oh man. It doesn’t help that the camera is SHAKING THE WHOLE TIME?! Ew. Ew to this whole thing. Put it in jail. Put what in jail? All of it! Put Jim Carrey in jail, just right away. That one doesn’t even get a trial. Then put Hollywood in jail. Then burn the Internet to the ground and sweep its ashes into Whoops Ocean. “But Gabe, the ashes have mixed in with all of the barf and it’s hard to sweep now, we might need a shovel.” So get a shovel. Not my problem. JUST CLEAN IT UP! I will be in the shower, scrubbing my skin until it falls off.

I will say the same thing I said when I saw the Mr. Popper’s Penguins trailer: THIS IS SO PAINFULLY AWFUL! WHY DOES THIS EXIST?! (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (80)
  1. Somebody stop him!

  2. Fake and Creepay

    • and meth-facey

    • It has to be fake. I mean, this is Hollywood…of course he’s appropriate aged for her BECAUSE he’s an inappropriate age. It’s Hollywood, it’s all fake and creepy and backwards. Now, any interview she does she will be asked about this and he will get the attention he wants.

  3. No matter how many times I watch this, it is impossible to determine whether or not this is a joke. I mean, I really, REALLY want to believe that this is a joke. But Jim Carrey is not exactly known for his subtlety. I just don’t know, you guys. Thoughts?

    • You think this video is subtle?

      I believe (and I’m quite sure I’m correct) that he THOUGHT he was being hilarious. But he was absolutely not.

      • Well, no, the video itself isn’t subtle. But the whole idea of playing it totally straight, without making any weird noises or contorting his body in any way is just definitely not the Jim Carrey we all know and tolerate.

    • Jokes can be terrifyingly creepy too.

    • I actually thought it was really funny. Remember when Jim Carrey showed up to the MTV movie awards as, like… Jim Morrison (sort of)? It’s that kind of joke, which isn’t really all that funny (disregard above), but sort of makes you laugh at how uncomfortable you are?

      I don’t really understand humor.

  4. That’s some of Jim Carrey’s best Vlog work since he explained the bro code.

  5. Shut the fuck up, Jim Carey!

  6. Horton Hears a Restraining Order

  7. Why is he so close to the camera? I feel like he’s trying to eye rape me.

  8. A bit of friendly advice to everyone ever except for Jim Carrey because it is too late on that count but I hardly take responsibility for that because who would have thought that this would need to be given out as advice, really?:

    See this video, ladies and gents? Never do that. Never. Just no. Just, if you are thinking about it, stop. Go outside and climb a tree. Or stay inside with a good book. Take up knitting! Call a friend!

  9. “I’d like to eat her liver with some farver beans and a nice bottle of chianti!”

  10. “Emma Stone is ssssssssmokin’!” – Jim Carrey’s tombstone

  11. I think this happens to some guys, especially hollywood dudes, where they don’t realize that they are now the creepy old dude and it is completely inappropriate to even look in the direction of a lady under 30. Jim, you’re that dude now.

  12. Jim Carrey- this is exactly what age m’ingle is for! Spambot, back me up!

    • WAAAIT. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIT. age m’ingle has broken the fourth wall! AGE M’INGLE IS SKYNET. JIM CARREY IS A TERMINATOR. Only, instead of trying to kill Sarah or John Connor, he wants to perv on Emma Stone.

      This is both more terrifying and more surreal than I ever imagined.

  13. Jim Carrey needs to give the Andy Kaufman stuff a rest.

  14. Zooey Deschanel played his love interest in that god awful Yes Man movie (insert WMOAT nomination here) and she is 18 years younger than him. Perhaps he is forgetting that what works in the movies does not work in real life. It shouldn’t work in the movies either. I mean, there are plenty of attractive women his own age to star in lame rom coms.

  15. … at which point Ryan Gosling came in, whispered something in his ear, handed him twenty bucks and sent him on his way.

  16. Yuck and Yuckier

  17. FREE JIM CAREY!!!!!

  18. But it’s okay to say these things to Emma Stone in our head, right guys?

    Guys?

  19. I think this is the first time I’ve heard Jim Carrey referred to as “the Canadian actor.” Interesting, in that it uses the term “Canadian” broadly and the term “actor” loosely.

  20. Is that gadget from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ready yet so we can all erase this?

  21. Jim Carrey and Emma Stone is our generations That guy from Lost and that terrible 16-year-old he married.

  22. Could someone share something nice and not skeevy so my Thursday isn’t ruined?

  23. i’m only two years older than her, can i send her a creepy, shaky-cam video?

  24. No way in HELL I’m watching this thing.

  25. I don’t know – I think you guys might be harshing this too much. I’m serious!

    Maybe I’m being naive (I don’t think so, though – I’m anciently old and WISE – like 30), but I think maybe he’s just chosen a creepy way to express that he sincerely thinks she’s great. And – I don’t know – I like it when people say nice things to other people, and this seems mostly like a bunch of nice things to say to someone.

    I’m not taking it so far as to say “Way to go, Jim Carrey – you really hit it out of the park w/ your compliments,” but I vastly prefer this to videos in which people say mean things about each other.

    Anyway. Agree to disagree.

  26. I only watched a few seconds of this before stopping it. This is a viral marketing thing, right? Fake internet crap to promote something stupid right?

    • yeah. if you’ve ever seen him in a movie, you can tell he’s ‘acting’ in this video. it’s a joke, or a stunt… or a trick, or a lie, or a farse, or a goof… or a, you know, fake thing.

  27. Dirty Larry approves of this.

  28. Nice to see him talking out of his ass again.

  29. This is a message for the website Videogum.

    Videogum, I just wanted to let you know that you are …huh… all the way awesome. Not just funny but smart and kind-hearted. If you were a person or I was a blog, we could hang out and look at pictures of puppies and videos of trampoline accidents. We’d have little, chubby-faced snarky monsters. We would…Laugh. We’d disccuss Gwyneth Paltrow’s awfulness. And EVERY day for the rest of your life… you’d thank god people can hang out with blogs. Anyways, I wish you continued success, artistic fulfillment and most of all I wish you contentment.

  30. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL!

  31. I was going to make a The Number 23 joke in regards to Emma Stone’s age/Jim Carrey’s WTF, but then Google informed me that she’s not even that old yet. And I didn’t think this could get any grosser.

  32. Why wasn’t this titled “How long can you watch Jim talk creepy to Emma stone with out being creeeped out and shifting around uncomfortably in you chair?”

    cause id last 25 seconds. no shame.

  33. Jim, just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any creepier, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!

  34. Every time I watch something like this I think how lucky stars of previous decades were to be free of the temptation of instant expression. I can only imagine the weird drunken vlogs of John Wayne or Humphy Bogart. Yikes.

  35. He could just pay her money, and she could tell everyone they got married then divorced. At the very least she could get a gift card to the Home Depot out of it.

  36. This is worse than than when Charlie Sheen started following Sarah Hyland on Twitter.

  37. This video makes me have to go number 23.

  38. Was anyone else TERRIBLY distracted by that television behind him?

    He must have bought that thing with ‘In Living Color’ money.

    It’s 2011, Jim. Shit’s cheap. Get a flat-panel so you can stalk Emma Stone in high definition.

  39. I am just going to wait for Emma Stone’s response on Funny or Die or on SNL.

  40. Mace Ventura

  41. In a weird way I am comforted in knowing that I am not the only person who looks terrible through a web cam. In other, more accurate ways, I need to be comforted after seeing this.

  42. This is his best work.

    (no snarko)

  43. This would be funny if it weren’t for men like Charlie Sheen….actually, I find this funny because of men like Charlie Sheen.

  44. Women are a labyrinth, my friend. Can I be frank? I don’t think you listen to her. I think you tell her what she wants to hear. She wants you to thirst for knowledge about who she is, all the complicated splendor that is women. When your love is truly giving, it will come back to you ten fold. – Chip Douglass

  45. What makes it so much worse is that Jim has a daughter who’s 22. The same age as Emma Stone! And she has a kid, so he is a grandpa! He clearly thinks he’s being funny but he needs to be making videos professing his love of Werthers, not young starlets.

  46. Is it okay that I genuinely find this hilarious? Can I do that?

  47. “This is a message for Emma Stone.”
    Holy shit I hope this is not what it seems.

    “I think you are all the way beautifull”
    Oh shit…

    “…not just pretty”
    Oh Shit…Jim…no Jim seriously please…

    “but smart, kind hearted.”
    Oh God…it is what it seems.

    “If I were a lot younger I would marry you”
    Wait what?Jim for the love of God …

    “….chubby wrnkle face kids, yazeee, ghost stories…”
    JIM STOP!

    “and the sex…LONG PAUSE…”
    Ackward

    “and everyday… you would thank God that I was the right age”.
    Allright buddy…you are on your own now. Fuck it all up, I dont give a fuck anymore. Its your dignity not mine. I am just a fan.

    “I have lines, it takes me longer to pee.”
    Ouch…
    Chandler voice in my head: Could this BE any sadder?

    Whispers “I love you…I do”.
    YES!!! THANK GOD! HE WILL NOW PROCEED TO REDEEM HIMSELF WITH THE AWESOMEST PUNCHLINE EVER. ITS JIM CARREY MEETS ANDY KAUFMAN! THIS WILL BE THE BEST JOKE-PRANK-EXPERIENCE EVER, SORRY FOR EVER YOU DOUBTING YOU JIM FUCKING CARREY.

    (Jim Carrey pretends he wants to cry untill video ends.)
    Fuuuuuuuuuu….

  48. the most disturbing thing about this is that people find Emma Stone attractive. how do they not realize its just a skinsuit

  49. I’m tired of these sort of comments especially from women. The most idiotic is the one above that says someone Jim’s age shouldn’t even look in the direction of someone under 30. Clearly, this is a pock-marked, insecure old woman. What’s at stake here is HOW Jim did this, joke or not. Age-appropriate or not, the delivery—i agree—is peculiar. I don’t like the ‘c’ word. It’s over-used by today’s super-conceited female population. So I’m sticking to peculiar. I just think it was a sincere love letter to a younger colleague done horribly wrong. I will always stick with women under 30. Women over 30 are issue-laden and lose interest in sex. The universe’s gift to men who were too shy under 30 is a lifetime of women under 30 when they are over 30. Fuck all y’all bitches and their male cheerleaders going with the status quo on this. You know damn well all of you would bang a 23 year old anyday over someone your own age when you’re 49…so stop frontin’…shit. And stop actin’ like you’ll never turn 49…

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