The recent trend of celebrities revealing themselves as heros continues today with unlikely celebrity hero, Kate Winslet! Remember how after the Titanic sank she wanted to float around by herself on the slab of wood she had, so she let Leonardo DiCaprio die? Not so with rebel billionaire Richard Branson’s mother when the mansion they were staying in caught on fire! From ABC:

“My mum is 90 and can walk, but it was more just to speed the process up than anything else. But anyway, she was great. She swept her up into her arms and got them out of the house as fast as possible,” Branson told The Telegraph.”Talking to her, she said it’s like being in a film set where you’re waiting for the words ‘cut’ but they just don’t come. So it was quite surreal for her to be in a real-life situation.”

Hooray! And congratulations to Kate Winslet on being in a real-life situation. In times like these it’s hard not to ask yourself how you would react when placed in a similar position. Would you, as the personal guest of Virgin Group multi-billionaire rebel activist reality star Sir Richard Branson, carry his 90-year-old mother out of his burning Caribbean mansion on his luxurious private island, once featured on an episode of Cribs, after the mansion was struck by lightening and caught on fire? It’s hard to say! Tough call. What isn’t hard to say, though, is that it is clear that celebrities are all the heros now. Goodnight to firemen, policemen, astronauts, teachers, doctors, veterinarians, captured journalists, people who make prosthetic limbs, and lawyers who work on cases pro bono because they just believe the kid and want to help. Celebrities are here now. You can go to sleep. Video from ABC in which they pretty much only talk about how nice the mansion used to be before it burned to the ground after the jump.

Yay mansions! Yay Kate Winslet! Yay celebrities! Yay old people! Booooooo fires!

Comments (21)
  1. Spoiler Alert: The ship goes down after the rescue.

  2. Quick question, lorryheads. So all you have to do to be knighted is be super rich, right? Got it. Good tradition.

  3. I call shenanigans. Kate Winslet has a well-established pattern of behavior regarding mothers, and this just doesn’t fit.

  4. Branson would’ve carried his mother himself if he wasn’t busy skateboarding through the garden with a prostitute on his back.

    • Or having a massive orgy while in low orbit somewhere over northern Russia in Virgin Galactic SpaceShip Two, or, as he calls it, a “slow Tuesday.”

  5. Didn’t Branson also get swallowed by a whale or some shit? I mean, I am not a religious person but this seems like Old Testament 2: The Bransoning. No sacreligio

  6. Didn’t Branson also get swallowed by a whale or some shit? I mean, I am not a religious person but this seems like Old Testament 2: The Bransoning. No sacreligio

  7. If getting caught in a fire means that I get a chance to be swept up in Kate Winslet’s rack, then sign me up for arson lessons.

  8. Kelly: I have an important update for you in the war on horrible bugs. Last night St. Louis Cardinals outfielder Matt Holliday had to be removed from a game when, while he was just standing around in the outfield, a moth fucking flew into his ear and lodged itself in his ear canal. It was removed later by trainers with a pair of tweezers, no word on if it laid eggs in his brain.

    • If i understand this correctly, you’re saying that Phillies games in the upcoming playoffs might be described by the following movie poster:

  9. it’s about time something great happened to Richard Branson. guy has never seemed to catch a break.

  10. One time I lit a house on fire while listening to Danzig’s “Mother.” Where’s my parade?

  11. I hope this doesn’t inspire a swarm of lesser celebrities to force comparably menial goodwill upon the general public. ‘Dustin Diamond attempts to prevent mugging, mugger revealed to be black guy waiting for the bus, Dustin Diamond now presumed racist.’

  12. You guys, there’s no way his weather control satellites “slipped up” and let lightning hit that house. 8/22 WAS AN INSIDE JOB.

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