At long last, America can dry the flop sweat from its brow, confident that it won’t just pop right back out. And we can hug our children firmly and reassuringly without swelling with adult fears and doubts, and we can sleep at night without wearing a mouthguard to keep us from grinding our teeth down to nubs. Yes, the name for Katie Couric’s new talk show has been announced! It’s Katie! Gooooood name. Worth the wait. I like how it’s clever, but not intimidating. Also, the first poster has been released, seen here. Uhhhh. Hahahah. Look, jokes aside, Katie is a perfectly reasonable name for a Katie Couric talk show. I get it. But WHAT is this poster? It looks like she’s about to champion the benefits of women getting enough folic acid in their diet. (Episode 201: guests Lauren Graham and Folic Acid discuss the day’s hot topic: SWEATERS!) This poster does not really make me want to watch a talk show* but it does make me want to join a mah-jongg club. From the Hollywood Reporter:

Details on Couric’s new syndicated talker are being held closely to the vest but Disney/ABC Television Group president Anne Sweeney told The Hollywood Reporter in June that the show would be “topical” and “capture the zeitgeist of what people are talking about.”

Totally. Totally. Fer sure. When I look at this picture there is one word that immediately pops into my head: ZEITGEIST. I am curious what the tone of her show is going to be, you know? Like, on Ellen, Ellen comes out in her sneakers and vest and does her little dance. She’s fun! She’s kicky! People know that about her. Katie’s got her work cut out for her to definer herself in a crowded field. My guess is that she’s going to try and stick with what comes naturally to her, so the show will have an overall tone of skin-tearing shark smiles and terrifyingly HUNGRY eyes. And also zeitgeist, of course. All filmed through a vaseline-smeared lens stolen from the Sears family photo department because one last time: WHAT IS THIS PICTURE?!

*I know that I am not the intended audience for Katie, and that perhaps this poster directly appeals to the middle-aged, mildly incurious women that ARE the show’s intended audience, and that’s fine, but I would just like to say to those women, ladies, you’re not dead yet! You can still put some effort into shaping a life and a world that you want to live and want to live in. You don’t HAVE to watch stuff like this just because her impossibly expensive clothing is still muted and under-stated and kind of ill-fitting just like your clothing. Have you seen some of the new shows on the BBC over the past year? They’re great. I think you’re going to really like Downton Abbey, and you should even give Luther a shot. It’s really really good!
Comments (48)
  1. Q: WHAT IS THIS PICTURE?!

    A: Masturbation material for people who like a challenge.

  2. That outfit looks like something my wife is scared of turning into.

  3. “Gotcha, zeitgeist” – Katie Couric, Zeitgeist Hunter

  4. She looks like she’s being whipped around every yoga or massage ad background ever made. CALM. REFRESHING. CHI.

  5. If you’re going to hire a school portrait photographer, why not spring for the laser background?

  6. But will the whole show be Autotuned?

  7. Still waiting on the Gwyneth Paltrow mid-morning talk show, “Gwyn & Frynds”

  8. I am proposing a theory that Katie, in her new show Katie, is going to make it look so innocuous and pastel-ey and yogurt commercial-y that no one aside from the target audience will tune in.

    The target audience: the all too often neglected middle aged lady/international jewel thief contingent.

    Since I will likely never watch this show, no one will be able to convince me I am wrong.

    • Let’s see how well that arguments holds on your first day calling off from work.

    • TRUE STORY TIME:

      Shortly before I got out of the Navy, the Captain of the ship came by the area where I work. For those of you not in the know, the Captain is considered something of an untouchable godhead, and lowly enlisted men such as myself were not supposed to even so much as initiate eye contact with him. So when he saw me, he came over to wish me luck on getting out of the Navy, and asked what I was planning to do when I became a civilian. Without so much as cracking a smile, I looked him in the eye and told him that I planned to become a jewel thief. As the chiefs and officers behind him began making frantic hand gestures that meant I should shut the hell up, I continued to tell him that I had already started putting together a crew, but we still needed a greaseman and someone who’s good with explosives. He was so confused, he left without doing whatever he had come in there to do. It was a proud moment for me.

  9. Downton Abbey is so good, you guys. For moms and non-moms alike.

  10. Billy Graham is going to steal that background for the cover of his next book/DVD/CD. That just screams evangelical Christian loudmouth.

  11. I’m getting a super strong Masengail vibe from that poster. The zeitgeist is definitely shower fresh, ladies.

  12. Re: the show’s slogan, “The opportunity begins,” Hymie Kelly on HuffPo has posted quite a relevant thought: “I hope I have the opportunit­y to be nowhere near a television on that day.”

  13. This is the last thing General Hospital sees before it dies.

  14. They used “zeitgeist” incorrectly. The zeitgeist the thing people are talking about. Saying “the zeitgeist of what people are talking about” is incorrect and redundant at best.

    Can’t wait for this show though!

  15. Is Love’s Baby Soft making a comback? My LORD Katy, there are options….

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