BREAKING NEWS STORY! BREAKING NEWS STORY! INTERNATIONAL HEADLINES READ: “GERARD DEPARDIEU PEES ON CARPET OF AIR FRANCE PLANE”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FROM THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER:

[Gerard Depardieu] urinated on the carpet of an Air France plane in front of passengers Wednesday when the cabin crew asked him to wait 15 minutes to use the restrooms. The plane was delayed in Paris, and due to fly to Dublin. “Je veux pisser, je veux pisser,” Depardieu, 62, was overheard telling flight attendants, according to a passenger’s recollection on French radio station Europe 1 (via the Associated Press).

“The attendant said ‘I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait fifteen minutes, [when] we’ll be in flight. The toilets are locked’,” the passenger, Daniele, said. Instead, Depardieu said he couldn’t wait, unzipped his pants and peed on the carpet in front of all the passengers.

The plane returned to the gate and was delayed for two hours while the mess was cleaned up.

“JE VEUX PISSER! JE VEUX PISSER!” – Gerard Depardieu’s Tombstone (Also My Tombstone)

Well, we might as well shut down the News Factory and turn time off because this is my favorite story for the next FOREVER. So good. From now on if you ever hear anyone describe anything as being “good” or “funny” as them if it is as good and as funny as this story, because the answer will almost certainly be no. (Fun back and forth. Good questions! You seem fun to talk to!) Can you get married to a news story? “What can I say, she always makes me laugh and I just love her so much. My life started when I first read her.” That is me on the beaches of Hawaii renewing my vows to this story in 20 years. Ball is in your toilet, Hugh Jackman.

Comments (42)
  1. my father the zero.

  2. Snake On A Plane

  3. I smell a comeback (and pee)!

  4. When Air France declares bankruptcy, I’m going to remind them that it once took them 2 HOURS to clean up urine. Stupid.

    • That’s how long it takes to bottle it.

    • when the homeless dudes pee on the albuquerque buses it only takes the driver ten minutes to clean up. and that’s with the drunken homeless dude yelling at him that he has the right to pee on the bus while hitting the dude repeatedly with a bag of unknown trash/personal belongings.

  5. More like Sur la PISSED du Marsupilami, amirite?

  6. Cue announcement that he’s entering rehab in 3…2…1… (or maybe he’s just French and they’re cool with this type of thing?).

  7. When he was done, he turned to another passenger and said, “What am I going to do now, Pierre?”

  8. Urine trouble.

  9. Texan on the flight: “Hey man! Yer getting wee all over the carpet! Wee! Yer a peein!!”
    Gerard Depardieu: “Oui! European!”

    And that’s the end of contrived stereotype theater.

  10. French men age so gracefully….what’s their secret?

  11. In Europe once you achieve a certain social status, I think you’re allowed to do that. Hasn’t anyone seen Caligula?

  12. Is there a supercut of piss jokes? Oui, Oui?
    (no…but if there WAS it needs to include: http://youtu.be/viuP17bFy2E )

  13. C’est la pee

  14. This probably won’t reflect well on Gerard’s airline commercials. Clearly he was too comfortable: http://goo.gl/aVRG2

  15. The good news is that I can post again after being unable to sign in due to that evil Miracle Whip rollout ad that followed me to the ends of the internet. The bad news I have nothing to say in this post. The good news is that I will probably win that Miracle Whip contest. The bad news is that I don’t want to get a divorce. The good news is that this post is now over.

  16. so the French word for “pisser” is “pisser”. got it.
    wait…because its French, is it pronounced pis-say?

    • Actually, “pisser” is “to piss”, and it is pronounced “pis-say”. I remember this because when I found out as an 11-year-old boy, I finally had something funnier to laugh at in French class than “oui oui”.

  17. Well, he was in that movie 1492: The Conquest of Pee-radise, and next year he’s going to be starring in The Life of Pee…

  18. C’est l’homme que j’ai aimé dans mon enfance? Bof!

  19. It must have Cousteau lot of money to repair the carpet.

  20. “JE VEUX PISSER! JE VEUX PISSER!” – Gerard Depardieu’s Tombstone (Also My Tombstone)

    Reading that line nearly made the actor in ME take over, right here in my cubicle!

  21. It was probably still better than any Delta flight I’ve ever taken.

  22. Hugh Jackman must be furious. Someone get that man some iced tea so he can reclaim his throne. (Get it…throne…ha!)

    • I’m wondering now whether Kanye and Jay-Z STOLE their project from Jackman and Depardieu. Take a look at some of the original track titles: “Lift Off (I’m Not Waiting For),” “Actors in Paris (Pee),” “Gotta Have It (A Wee),” “That’s My Urine,” and “Who Gon Stop Me (From Peeing All Over This Aisle).”

  23. “Cyrano de BergerACK” – The other passengers on the plane.

  24. The flight attendant responded, “I thought he was just saying ‘Yes, yes.’”

  25. Q: Does Gerard Depardieu prefer boxers or briefs? A: DEPENDS

  26. Just another reason to call him Gerard DeparDon’t

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