Let’s just get right to it: Shaquille O’Neal is taking film school classes to become a director of movies. From TMZ:

Shaquille O’Neal is giving the movie biz another shot — yes, even after “Kazaam” and “Steel” — and this time he wants to be a director!

Shaq is about to complete the Filmmaking Conservatory at the New York Film Academy’s branch at Universal Studios Hollywood. Shaq’s been very hands-on during directing and cinematography classes — walking his crew through stunts and shooting on the studio’s famous back lot.

According to the school, Shaq has been “incredibly humble, funny, and likable” … or just the usual Shaq.

JUST THE USUAL SHAQ! This is kind of a sidenote that doesn’t have a lot to do with the film school thing, but clearly Shaquille O’Neal has incriminating pictures of Harvey Levin’s butthole or something, right? Because regardless of what Shaq may be, I am confident that the first and most readily agreed upon description would not be “incredibly humble, funny, and likable.” I would go with maybe “very tall, kind of aloof, and looked right through everyone.” But also: SHAQUILLE O’NEAL IS IN FILM SCHOOL CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HIS GREAT MOVIES! Here are a few ideas for his new career:

  • Basketball Draft: a retired basketball player is on a cat and mouse chase with an arsonist.
  • Long Day’s Journey Into Shaq: a day in the life of an American family featuring a retired basketball player’s devastating morphine addiction.
  • White Men Can’t Jump: a remake of White Men Can’t Jump.
  • Shaq: when the 7’1″ president falls ill, his advisors cover it up by putting a look-alike in the White House.
  • Everyone Says I Dunk You: a middling musical set in Paris.

And the Oscar goes to: SHAQUILLE O’NEAL FOR DIRECTING!

Comments (43)
  1. Did you guys know that Shaq has a 5’2 girlfriend?

    What if…

  2. Finally there’s a chance of seeing a Shaq Fu movie released within my lifetime.

  3. I’ve never seen jorts with a 36″ inseam before.

  4. Shaq is the Miles Davis of the NBA (ie the coolest)

    Just wanted to let all you non-NBA fans know that. I am an NBA fan…so I know that.

  5. I have to say, as a sports and a Shaq fan, that if you’ve ever listened to him during interviews or on his Twitter account, Shaq is a funny individual. Why he thinks that translates into making movies, I don’t know, but I’d gladly see Shaq act in some goofball comedies if he were cast in them.

    • Truth. I always disliked him for fan-related reasons, but I eventually had to admit that he’s one of the goofier and more likeable athletes out there.

      • Yeah, I kinda have to take umbrage with Gabe for writing Shaq off as a jerk or aloof. He is affable, funny, kchill as hell. I have met Shaq

        “I know Shaq”
        -you, making fun of me

        “I don’t know Shaq, met him one time and “Hung out” in his presence for approximately 15 minutes, but it’s ok”
        -me, setting the record straight, also gently poking you again with the fact stick that reads ‘I have met Shaq’

    • I’m a Celtics fan, and even after last season, i still don’t hate Shaq. mostly because he pretended he was a statue in Harvard Square. (this actually happened)

      • I like this guy. He seems honestly, genuinely entertaining. And this is way cooler performance art than selling air. (Sorry to make a James Franco joke twice in the same page but it has to be said.)

        And I think I may have met him once and he was nice but I didn’t really pay attention because of my disdain for sports. But I think I have, and I think he was very amicable. Unless it was someone else. Or I saw it in an Aaron Carter video. No, I think I met him. Or not. I have not met Aaron Carter… I think.

        Is this what it feels like to be incepted?

  6. Wait, is it a normal thing to not find Shaquille O’Neal likeable? I will be upset about that for some minutes.

  7. The Maltese Freethrow

  8. I know what it’s going to be called … ‘Box Office Poison!’

  9. If Shaq is as good at directing movies as he is at shooting free throws then….. never mind.

  10. The Playbook (co-starring Ryan Gosling)

  11. I wanna try that again. You’re headed in the right direction but I really want you to commit to the physical aspect of the character’s anguish. Sure you’re telling us about the pain you’re going through but right now it’s just not reading, especially in the way you carry yourself. So before we jump back in I want you to take a moment here, just by yourself, take a moment and really meditate on how you’d be affected by this news, what it would do to you. No rush, take your time and when you’re ready we’ll jump back in. And to answer your question from earlier, no, I’m not the one who has AIDS. – Shaq

  12. Jurassic Court (basically a Space-Jam with dinosaurs)

  13. I am not a great fan of sports. But I like when they dunk like these dunking devils.

    http://funnyandspicy.com/the-best-basketball-dunking-devils

  14. i bet he’s everyone’s first choice for boom operator…that and he’s the only one who can get a good crane shot effect, without actually having to bust the budget…not to mention all the cool forced-perspective effects you could do with a guy that big…..man, i bet he’s the first choice for everyone’s projects. I’m pretty sure he’s doing pretty well there.

  15. “Andre the Giant once took my screenwriting seminar…and I once told Manute Bol to go fuck himself when he cut me off on the 405″ – Robert McKee

  16. Basketball Miracle on Ice
    Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clippers
    The Third Point
    Annie NBA Hall of Fame

  17. There are a lot things you can call Shaquille O’Neal. Bad at rapping? The last man you want taking a free throw? Most likely to get fat within 2 years of retirement? All valid points.
    But you can’t call Shaq aloof. This is a guy who used to tweet his location so fans could come up and find him and he would give them tickets and hang out. He once posed as a statue in Harvard Square. Aloof this man is not.

  18. Caddyshaq
    Ghostballers
    National Lampoon’s NBA Lockout Vacation

  19. Shaq to the Future

  20. There Will Be Dunking

  21. I wonder if there are any actors out there that sit in their trailer thinking, “what I really want to do is coach…” (Besides James Franco, of course.)

  22. Shaquille A Mockingbird

  23. I know I’m so late to the party, and that Aaron Carter’s parents have already come home, accompanied by a record scratch sound effect, but I just had to post this gif of Shaq at his humblest: http://tinypic.com/r/29bfzp4/7

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