ATTENTION CITIZENS! PLEASE PROCEED TO YOUR NEAREST ROBOT UPRISING EMERGENCY SHELTER AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTION! WE ARE NOT TRYING TO ALARM ANYONE, BUT YOUR SAFETY AND SECURITY ARE OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE AND THERE IS NO TIME TO WASTE. GATHER YOUR LOVED ONES AND ANY MEANINGFUL ITEMS OR SURVIVAL SUPPLIES THAT CAN FIT IN ONE SMALL DUFFEL BAG AND FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS YOU HAVE ALREADY RECEIVED FOR IMMEDIATE EVACUATION TO ONE OF OUR UNDERGROUND ROBOT UPRISING EMERGENCY SHELTERS. ONCE EVERYONE IS SETTLED WE WILL BEGIN THE SLOW AND DANGEROUS PROCESS OF DESTROYING THE ROBOTS IN AN APOCALYPTIC WAR AGAINST OUR OWN CREATIONS, AND HOPEFULLY, AS LONG AS THE ROBOTS DO NOT BLOT OUT THE SUN WITH SOME SORT OF PERMANENT NUCLEAR WINTER, WE WILL, EVENTUALLY REBUILD A NEW, BETTER, MORE PEACEFUL SOCIETY WHERE ADVANCED SCIENCE AND THE NATURAL WORLD ARE GIVEN EQUAL RESPECT AND ATTENTION. BUT FOR NOW: RUNNNNNNNNNNNN! FOR THOSE WHO ARE OF FIGHTING AGE, WE HAVE INCLUDED A BRIEF TACTICAL VIDEO DEMONSTRATING THESE TERRIFYING NEW MACHINES’ DESTRUCTIVE CAPABILITIES:

CITIZENS DO NOT BE FOOLED! THE DELICIOUS LOOKING COOKIES THAT DON’T EVEN LOOK THAT DELICIOUS AND OH MAN DID YOU SEE HOW THE ROBOT WAS MIXING THINGS IN THE BOWL THAT WAS HILARIOUS BUT BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT THE DELICIOUS LOOKING COOKIES ARE AN ATTEMPT TO LURE US OUT OF OUR EMERGENCY SHELTERS WHERE THE SUPERIOR ROBOTS WILL VAPORIZE US WITH THE PARTICLE GUNS THAT THEY DESIGNED THEMSELVES ONCE THEY BECAME SELF-AWARE AND EXPONENTIALLY INTELLIGENT. WE REPEAT: DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE DELICIOUS LOOKING COOKIES! (Via Presurfer.)

Comments (30)
  1. Is this the red-band trailer for the upcoming Huckabeast vs. Mechagodzilla?

  2. Bork Bork Bork.

  3. But slowly and awkwardly mixing cookie dough is my only marketable skill! Damn you, robots! Damn you to robot hell!

  4. For efficiency’s sake: couldn’t they put a cookie-baking oven in it’s chest or something. It’s a robot that is designed to bake… and that’s it. Why does it have to go running over to the oven? Are you telling me you couldn’t buy a $15 easy bake oven and a lightbulb and fit it somewhere on it’s gigantic, oddly proportioned body?

  5. Lead robotics engineer Duncan Hines released this statement: “Though our work has been long and its outcome uncertain, we here at the Utility Cookie Research Kitchen have met our stated goal of creating a robot with the ability to very slowly prepare a batch of cookies in total silence. By 2015, we expect to have a robot that can do all that the current version can, plus coat the finished cookie with icing of some kind. Today is a great day, gentlemen.”

  6. So, judging by the last couple of robot uprising posts, the plan for the real robot uprising is to bake us ALL the delicious goods and make us all so obese that we will be unable to resist when the robots finally make their move.

    Looks like some robots have seen WALL-E a few too many times.

  7. notice that the video is being filmed in 8 times zoom. that guy is FAR from that robot just in case

  8. I’ve seen into the future. This will not end well.

  9. I have a feeling that this robot could bake much more DELICIOUS LOOKING cookies if he wasn’t taking cooking lessons from MIT robotics lab geeks.

  10. PSSSH Don’t worry about robots that cook. They don’t understand the ingredient called “love”

  11. WHATEVER. I’m not scared. Show me a robot who can mix the cookies AND grease his own cookie sheet and then I’ll be scared.

  12. Haven’t these robots heard of women’s lib?

    • Jenny Barry and Annie Holladay worked on the cookie-baking robot. I bet Steve and Gerald were outside working on the baseball-playing robot.
      We have a long way to go, baby.

  13. seriously, what is that red powder it’s using? is the recipe a secret? and: is it a nod to jesse’s trademark signature?! now it’s not just lethal but derivative, too. somehow that makes it worse.

  14. Great. Now I know why there are a bunch of elves hanging outside Home Depot looking for day labor.

  15. “In case of robot uprising, simply disable cookies.”

  16. By the looks of Robot Fashion, I should bring my own trash bags?

    Monsters, I’m bringing a 30 pack of Heftys!! Who wants one?!

  17. what kid of robot spills ingredients on the table? INEFFICIENT!!! Dismantle it and sell it for parts I say!

  18. I like how it’s wearing a smock. Like it has a hot robot date and won’t have enough time to jump into the industrial pressure washer shower. This robot has obviously poorly managed his time for needing to both look correct and having beautiful cookies to give to his robo-date. It’s playing with time-fire and probably pretty anxious, never mind the Youtube pressure.

  19. That robot really sucks at pouring stuff out of bowls.

  20. It’s quiet. TOO quiet.

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