Grab your tinfoil hat! Grab some extra socks and your good underwear! Grab your contacts case and your glasses! Grab some canned goods and boxed wine! Grab your toothbrush and your bathing suit! Grab your external hard drives! Grab your family photos, unless they’re all backed up on your external hard drive in which case forget about it and good thinking! Put all of your important documents in the cloud and GTF OUTTA HEEREEE!!!!
You may remember that the existence of aliens on Earth has already been proven, as if there were any question in the first place, but for those of you who needed even more proof, well, FOOLISH WISH GRANTED. An ocean exploration team has found a 60-foot disc at the bottom of the ocean between Finland and Sweden. A DISC! Leader of the exploration team, Peter Lindberg, spoke with MSNBC:
You see a lot of weird stuff in this job, but during my 18 years as a professional I have never seen anything like this. The shape is completely round.
Completely round! Says this guy, who may or may not be just saying that after eyeballing it! He also found “evidence of scars or marks disturbing the environment nearby, suggesting the object somehow moved across the ocean floor to where his team found it.” And here is the captivating video evidence:
Oh my goodness that’s a boring video! Anyway, it’s clear that aliens have invaded and are now swimming around in the ocean, pretending to be some sort of ocean species, planning their attack. The only thing we can do now is stop going in the ocean or any body of water that has living things in it, which was, if you think about it, actually a very gross thing anyway. That’s where fish and stuff live! Pretty gross! So let’s all just continue to go to the beach and read our books and never bother our friends about going into the body of water in front of them because also they can cut their feet and nobody wants an alien swimming up inside of them and taking over their bodies right? Protect yourself!
Of course, though, they will eventually murder us all and burn our planet just because it will look kind of nice while they’re flying back to their planet. Oh well, goodbye!