When I was young, I had LOTS of toys that were robots. I had a classic robot, I had a Teddy Ruxpin, I had a dog that I could walk, and I had a barbie that was life-sized that I could walk with that wasn’t mechanical at all but that was pretty close to a robot. Et cetera. And they were all, at one point or another, completely terrifying. Like for some reason they’d all turn on sometimes at night randomly? Especially the actual robot. One time I brought it to school and it wouldn’t turn off because it was possessed and terrifying, so my teacher had to take the batteries out. TRAUMA-RAMA™! That one had a “tickle spot” — a button you could press to make it laugh a robot laugh. Man alive. That was a scary thing. Robots are not for children. Until they can make robots turn off and STAY OFF, they should be kept far away from all humans. But instead they are moving in the exact opposite direction, making them artificially intelligent and able to greet you when you walk in the door. Yeah great. Please, more things to scare me when I walk into a room.

Though I do still want this teddybear, which is the sort of sad part about this fear I have. As long as they make something terrifying and possibly deadly cute, I will accept it into my home with open arms. Aww. It takes so long to wake up! “Uhhh, it seems a little groggy” is a very funny quote. “Yeah, we built this robot to be really difficult in the morning. Also it only listens to dubstep and needs a lot of personal time.” The guy doing the demonstration really seems to have no idea about what’s going on with this bear, but that’s fine. We get it. It’s a thing you can buy in the future for your elderly relatives that will grow to understand their patterns and feelings and will eventually kill them in their sleep. WE GET IT. Great invention, I will take multiple. (Thanks for the tip, Werttrew!)

Comments (16)
  1. Step 1 towards life becoming the movie AI. Before you know it we’ll all have Jude Law sex robots.

  2. “So hey Grandma, I don’t feel like visiting you anymore, so I got you this robot with pitch black eyes that sleeps most of the time. Enjoy.”

  3. This is really just like half of a toy, though. We all know that kids won’t play with the bear unless there’s a corresponding intelligent salmon for him to murder while you play in the bath.

  4. mass producing that bear would be a bad idea…there will always be that one murderous one that goes on a rampage

  5. But will he store the hair of my adopted mother inside him so that when I am in the future and defrosted by aliens they can recreate my mother so I can hang out with her for one more day?

  6. Skynet has gotten clever in their tactics. But they can’t fool me; ENHANCE

  7. So this bear is like your groggy, pot-loving roommate who’s bordering on his thirties and can barely scrape enough together each moth to pay the rent. … Except the bear doesn’t even try to pay the rent. Dammit bear, you’re such a mooch!

  8. Sorry. No chainsaw, no sale.

  9. Hang on, a “life-sized” Barbie?! Now that’s terrifying!

  10. Gabe, the trick with robot-toys is you need to show them who’s boss right away. None of this “Please drop that knife”. Like prison, you need to strike first & when they’re sleeping.


    This guy can handle his robot-bear

  11. Shut the fuck up Robo-Bear!

  12. He’s so cute! Santa will bring one Kelly.

  13. Good evening, Sebastian. Little movie rivia for you there. Little movie triv.

  14. Trivia. Fuuck.

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