Oh man, you guys, this debt ceiling crisis debate, huh?! Things are getting pretty intense! I bet if I understood half of what was going on it would be even worse! Basically, if I’m putting this together correctly, the United States has until August 2nd to get enough rich old white people to say “aye” or else China something something and defaults and Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. (“Nailed it!” – President Gabe.) It may or may not be worth pointing out that while both sides are “playing politics” with this issue, which is literally the name of the game, that the debt ceiling was raised seven times under President Bush without it becoming a National Thing. Then again, if you want to make two war omelets you’ve got to break some debt ceiling eggs. (“DOUBLE NAILED IT!” – President Gabe, Second Term.) It also seems like maybe the midst of the worst economic crisis in generations isn’t the best time to be goofing around with this shit like you are George Clooney on the set of The Prankmerican. Anyway, whatever. I literally have no control over any of this stuff (and before you tell me that I do have the power to call or write to my local congressman, please don’t. I’m engaged with the process don’t worry! My point remains basically the same!) and either it will all get resolved in the final hour or the world will be plunged into a catastrophic nightmare of hunger and violence, I’m sure. Obviously, I have my preference for the end result (come onnnnnn darkness, mama needs a new pair of EAR AND TEETH NECKLACES), but either way: outta our handz.

That being said, uh, politicians are dorks, you guys. No duh. But look at these dorks:

From the Washington Post:

House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), the party’s vote counter, began his talk by showing a clip from the movie, “The Town”, trying to forge a sense of unity among the independent-minded caucus.

One character asks his friend: “I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is. You can never ask me about it later.”

“Whose car are we gonna take,” the character says.

After showing the clip, Rep. Allen West (R-Fla.), one of the most outspoken critics of leadership among the 87 freshmen, stood up to speak, according to GOP aides. “I’m ready to drive the car,” West replied, surprising many Republicans by giving his full -throated support for the plan.

Hahahha. WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING DORKS CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE SITTING IN THIS ROOM WHEN THIS HAPPENED? Oh man. You guys are losers! Hahahhaha. GET BACK TO WORK YOU STUPID DORKS. Incredible. Very tough, boys. Super impressive. These guys kick ass and take names! They’re total bad-asses. Hahd-coah. Wicked hahd-coah. (Get it? The Town!) Here is the actual clip:

FUCK YEAH! WE ARE LAWMAKERS BUT WE ARE ALSO THUGS! These guys know what Congress is talking about:

Incidentally, with a (debatably) important issue like this that is making a lot of your constituents nervous, especially those who are out of work and struggling to keep their families’ heads above water, but also just those who feel that America has been on a downward shame spiral for years now and may be heading towards some kind of dangerous precipice from which it could never recover, do you really want to frame your party’s position on the issue as being completely without explanation but with the sole intention of HURTING PEOPLE? Well played, tough guys. Super tough, you fucking old dweebs. Turn the White House into a cigar bar. A million more years. (Thanks for the tip, Andy.)

Comments (61)
  1. Politicians sit around watching movies together? They really are just like the rest of us!

  2. This debate is the worst debate in a country that seems to only have incredibly dishonest and poorly informed debates. This is a debate where some people want to have a glass of water to stave off dehydration and the other people think we shouldn’t have water because then there might not be enough water left over for millionaires to fill their pools.

    • Correct me if I’m wrong. But it seems the republicans think that the financial losses would be greater if people making over 250,000 dollars a year payed a marginally higher tax rate than if the entire world economy collapsed.

    • So the war omelet has gotten bigger. Several ingredients have been added (peppers, meat, cheese [queso]), and right now there aren’t enough eggs to make it delicious; It’s just a pile of ingredients with some eggs. So we need to crack a few more debt ceiling eggs to bring the ingredient mix back into correct proportions. Yes, that will make the war omelet bigger, but we can eat that when we’re healthier.

  3. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you honestly comparing politicians to a mass murderer? Do you really think there are comparisons to be made between political bullheadedness and a fucking child-killing monster?

      • no facetaco. I am comparing politicians to a mass murderer.

        I am agreeing with a blogger that it is a very strange time for people to be using crazy rhetoric.

        and you get that I’m doing that dude. your feigned outrage just now was a strawdog argument where you put words and actions in my mouth that I clearly didn’t say or do. fuck you dude. don’t act so fucking stupid.

        • that was supposed to say “NOT comparing politicians to a mass murderer”

        • Oh believe me, my outrage wasn’t feigned. You’ve made your liberal views very clear in the past, which is fine, you have a right to your opinions, of course. But then you talk about the right-wing politicians watching a violent movie and then the right-wing person who just killed a large number of small children, that isn’t even intiving comparison, that IS comparison, and it is BEYOND poor taste.

          • Woah, woah, fellas. Chill pills are half off down at the RELAX-MART.

            Backwaxer was obviously just expressing his opinion that using a violent movie as a call to arms might be in sort of poor taste. I think that’s a bit of a stretch myself, but it’s definitely not a comparison to mass murder. We’re all adults here. Let’s just…

          • Well put, Officer Huckabeast.


            I love a man in uniform.

          • Asshole! The Chill Pill sale is over, and to avoid paying full price, I but a bunch of altternative Chillaxatives instead. Well that didn’t go very well! At all. I am literally shitting bricks right now. Last time I shop at Relax-mart.

          • It’s not a stretch to say that politicians getting inspired by this is “in poor taste,” and it is really not just about “poor taste.” It’s about a whole style of thinking about violence, and thinking about what is an ok way to talk about violence. Bob Cesca was pointing out another piece in the pattern of the right wing’s use of violent imagery and rhetoric. Sarah Palin said something about ‘reloading’ again the other day. and now the inspirational movie scene for them is Ben Affleck saying he’s going to ‘hurt people.’

            Right now there is an intelligent and necessary global discussion going on about the ideologies that this Norwegian guy took inspiration from.

            It is perfectly fine to make this example of the pattern of violent rhetoric part of that discussion.

          • I agree with Facetaco. There is really Norway to make that an apt comparison.

          • I am appalled that huckabeast and cakeordeath think it’s appropriate to use pics of Cookie Monster, given his recent history

      • SHUT THE FUCK UP, GABE AND GABE!

  4. I want to say “noo, Dad, you didn’t really do that? You did?” and he’s not even my dad.

  5. I stole a shopping cart from target just the other day! Bring it, Apocalypse.

  6. I really hope Boehner was there, wearing his fabulous green with yellow polka dots tie from the other night’s presidential address, just overcome with his drunken weeps from joy and pride. I think that would really make the moment (in my head) complete.

  7. “Lookit that duck! He’s swimmin’ in gold coins. Hee!” — John Boehner watching DuckTales

    • I just loved the image of a bunch of republicans sitting in a room, while they watch an animation of someone going to Scrooge McDuck’s vault, fishing out the chain attached to a plug at the bottom of the vault, and then pulling the chain so that all the coins drain out of the vault like bath water. Then all the republicans will just shake their heads and say, “What a shame.”

  8. “The uploader has not made this video available in your country”

    It’s hot, I’m cranky, and that notice has put me on edge. Activate the bad cover version that was a #1 hot in Britain!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NM_V5zXmPQ

    • Hot & Cranky Lads & Lasses, the newest lorry* periodical from NewsCorp, hitting London newsstands this fall!

      *British slang for “political

  9. i’m worried and would like to retroactively apologize to the people on Extreme Couponing that I laughed at and called ridiculous, because they are now the only ones who are going to survive this.

  10. I can already tell that us in the near future are going to want a palate cleanser at just about * this * point in the comment thread, so, Merry Wednesday! from all of us over here at Terribly Sorry For Getting So Carried Away With Opinions Industries.

  11. Bone Thugs N’ Harmony’s “Crossroads” is my freakin’ childhood jam!

    “Aaaand i’m gonnamiss evrybody, Aaand I’m gonnamiss evrybody”

  12. At least I’ll finally get to spend some time with Dad

  13. A great, cogent summary of the debt ceiling issue:

    http://www.oaktreecapital.com/MemoTree/Down%20to%20the%20Wire%2007_21_11.pdf

    Exceptional, politically impartial, backgrounder on current debt crisis for anyone still feeling remotely confused. Clear analysis of how we reached present situation, what the true risks are and which outcomes are most likely.

  14. I hope they did this as well in session

  15. “The debt ceiling has been raised more or less automatically in the past—77 times since JFK, including 18 times under Ronald Reagan and 7 times under George W. Bush. Republicans were not rushing to the ramparts then — consistent with their heightened concern over deficits that comes only when Democrats are in the White House.

    Not that there hasn’t been plenty of partisan hypocrisy to go around. Then-Senator Obama famously voted against raising the debt ceiling when President Bush was in office—a vote he later described as ‘a new senator making a political vote as opposed to doing what is right by the country.”

    Nonetheless, this is the first time in American history that the debt ceiling vote has been held hostage by hyper-partisan politics. It won’t be the last. It will be difficult, if not impossible, to put this genie back in the bottle. ”

    UGH. I’m so sick of this shit.

    • Me too. Can we get an apocalypse anyway, even if the debt ceiling is raised? I promise I’ll be good and not cannibalize anyone!

    • As a Canadian, it drives me crazy that this debt ceiling nightmare is jeopardizing the global economy.

      It is much harder here to stock up on shotgun shells to ward off cannibals.

      The one saving grace is that Canadian cannibals apologize to you while they are eating your skin.

  16. If anything can bring an end to bipartisan politics, it’s the fact that Ben Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms.

  17. “one of the most outspoken critics of leadership”

    What?? No.

  18. While everyone’s good and fired up about something else, I think this is the most appropriate time to let you all know that I recently re-watched Dude, Where’s My Car? and I thought it was still really funny.

    This is what journalists call “burying the lede,” and I have just executed it masterfully.

  19. I’m so angry right now over all this debt ceiling shenanigans. Pile on top of that my housemate’s girlfriend using our home to do her laundry and a coworker that plays show tunes waaaay too loud makes this the worst week ever.

  20. Speaking of Cookie Monster (up there with the yelling), Martha Plimption Tweeted this Monster Piece Theater about Cooperation:

    http://youtu.be/fvKqCT17wxc

    It is pretty cute.

    http://twitter.com/#!/MarthaPlimpton/status/95703462687416320

  21. I realize it’s not a popular opinion, but I really did not enjoy The Town at all.

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