“After years of being in and out of relationships, I realized that maybe my mate detector was mis-calibrated. Obviously, people like what they like and the heart wants what it wants, or whatever, but after a certain number of dramatic failures, you have to start to wonder if you don’t play some kind of role in these disasters. What I’m trying to say is, I opened my heart and my mind up to the possibility that the best person for me in terms of love and dating and romance and marriage (fingers crossed) was with someone completely unexpected. Maybe I didn’t even have a CLUE of what was best for me? And wouldn’t you know it, that is when I met Riff Raff. If you’d told me a year ago that I was going to fall in love with a clownball goon wearing expensive ironic jewelry and making haul videos about pork chop seasoning who used to be on From G’s to Gents and is now signed to Soulja Boy’s record label, I would have told you that you were out of your mind. But look who’s out of their minds now! Me, out of my mind with love for my man. And Riff Raff, out of his mind with something more clinical. Oh cupid, let your arrow sing!”

- You

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Comments (53)
  1. Another Riff Raff?!

  2. Fake and Silver Lake.

  3. It’s true! What can I say? There are few things more attractive to a lady than an inspired choice of pants.

  4. It’s astounding…

  5. Fake and Silver Lake.

  6. This guy’s a fraud. Everyone knows my boyfriend has a tattoo of

    over his heart.

  7. “Stay on top of pork chops.” Truer words have never been spoken.

  8. Fake and Silver Lake.

  9. i haven’t seen prop comedy this good since Carrot Top was in his prime [1996!!]

  10. “Hmm, you are certainly sexually attractive though you also appear to be some sort of a bitch.” – Juan Cusack, to Riff Raff.

  11. Riff and Raff and Encino Man have never been seen at the same place at the same time. justsayin

  12. At first I wasn’t sure if I should fully commit to him, but then he showed me his BET tattoo and right then I knew he was the one.

  13. You know that scene in Monsters, Inc. where Sully takes Boo back to her room and she excitedly shows him all of her toys? This reminds me of that and now that scene is ruined forever for me. In other news, Rfif Raff seems to have the same emotional intelligence as a three year old CGI girl.

  14. HGTV has gotten weird, guys

  15. He does have a lot of nice stuff, but it still looks like his mother’s kitchen

  16. Say what y’all will, but that girl’s got an INSANE ass.

  17. i had to turn it off when he said “supposed to have been did”. a couple of months ago i was at a fancy academic event for my school, and i was having a pleasant chat with someone about an upcoming social event, and i said the phrase “nothing been doing”. and the person i was talking to laughed at me and i felt embarrassed because sometimes i talk in lazy southern phrases and sometimes i forget to say verbs and i conjugate things wrong. but that shit? what he just said? that just makes me feel sad and dirty. also he really needs to reconsider his grills, because i think it’s making him slur like a 13 year old with a retainer. also, i LULZed when i looked it up and saw that he’s from houston. explains everything.

    • on further digging, it appears that he runs with that idiot vnasty and the white girl mob and is in her latest video where she’s screaming about her right to use the n word. barfaramajama and a pox on all their houses.

      • American regionalisms are nothing to be ashamed about. Nothing. You must recognize that anyone who laughs at you for your concientious use of language is a bigot.

    • I am assuming, as a Southerner, that you love some Tony Chachere’s just as much as I do. Can we please start calling it Tony Chararigan’s?

  18. Fake and Silver Lake.

  19. BET tattoo.

  20. Riff Raff and Mr. Chi City need to come to NY and get married, stat.

  21. Pound cake–now for whitey, too!

  22. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Rk7eSPX58CU#at=115

    We might as well accept it, we need to sing “Soulja Boy signed me” repeatedly instead of the ACTUAL words to Jingle Bells.

  23. It’s nice to know they’re keeping the mentally disabled street performers off the streets.

  24. This is a safe place to admit that I unironically loved “From G’s to Gents,” right? This is probably the safest place to admit that.

    • Is it even possible to love something “ironically?” If you like something, don’t you just like it? Maybe it’s just me, but “ironic” seems to have become an excuse for liking something you’re embarased to actually enjoy. I say like what you like, and to everyone else can go screw. Nothing to be ashamed about. Keep fucking that chicken EVERYbody.

  25. Oh dear, her ass is severely bruised.

  26. Just curious. Was that chain middle of the mall shit?

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