It must be weird for you that your girlfriend is married to another man, but then again, she is 16 and her husband is 51, and also she’s a Lizard-Faced Garbage Robot, so the fact that she is also your girlfriend is probably the least weird thing about the whole situation.

The thing that I do not understand about this marriage is that there are lots of disgusting women like this of LEGAL MARRYING AGE that Doug Hutchinson could have chosen, so what’s even the point? I mean, not to get gross about it, but if you’re going to marry a child, no pedo but wouldn’t you want one that was at least REMOTELY childlike and did not already seem like a Leathered-Out Retired Porn Demon? So fucking gross. As a marriage! Just as a marriage. Sorry, no, don’t worry, for DATING, which is what you two are doing, just have fun with it!

Comments (97)
  1. How much do you want to bet that that dog is named “Precious?”

  2. Stop bullying her, Gabe. She’s against that.

  3. I don’t feel badly about dating her because she’s 16, but violating Guy Code is just tearing me up inside.

  4. “MMM HMMM!” – Courtney Stodden

  5. 6:10 – the most believable part of that whole interview.

  6. “He does like, all the cleaning around the house, but I have to constantly remind him to wet the sponge.”

  7. we both like soup. we could talk or not talk for hours.

  8. i can’t i can’t i can’t i can’t i just can’t i can’t can’t watch this nope can’t do it won’t nope i need to go shower again nope

  9. All of their mental illness, discomfort, and general grossness is filtered through the way they are stroking that poor dog. It’s like a sponge for their deeply buried guilt.

  10. Nope. Sorry. After she said, “…you know, per se” fifteen seconds in, I seriously couldn’t take any more.

    • I couldn’t watch any further either, but how many times does she say “like, such as” ? Asking for a former Miss USA winner friend.

  11. I get that she’s an aspiring actress, but the Harry Potter movies are done filming. She can stop auditioning for Voldemort.

  12. Ok, I kind of love Courtney and her mannerisms. Like how she looks at Doug intently while nodding her head and giving ‘uh-hmms’, and then realizing she wants to do a sexy face and contorts her mouth into a couple of awkward sexy-lip-and-teeth-lick poses before settling on one. You get the weird impression she just got a new mouth and is kind of adjusting while learning how to control it.

    Also, maybe its just me, but I find the incredibly out-dated Pam Anderson-esque ivy arm-bracelet of hers super charming. It is like she watched Barbwire and said ‘this is a timeless sexy and I will have it!’

  13. man, ecstasy looks like fun!

    • There is no way that ladygirl is not on Ecstasy, because man is she doing all the things that people do on that stuff – A FRIEND OF MINE SAYS, NOT ME.

  14. Is the fact that she’s trying to look 51 and he’s trying to look 16 some sort of miserable I’m Still Here-esque “joke” they’re playing on all of us or are they just awful?

  15. Every time he talks she makes this face like she’s two seconds from unhinging her jaw and devouring the succulent meat pockets in his head.

    • Yes! What a good description. And, she does that face to the camera as well. It is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen a human being do. What is it? She squints her eyes and sucks the air through her mouth like the worst, creepiest porn actress and then fidgets in her seat as if to dislodge something obstructing one of her nether orifices and then makes a face as if she is about to “unhinge her jaw” and devour everyone.

  16. “We’re both really into ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’. Have you seen it? It’s REALLY good.”

    “He does all the cooking…because I’m not allowed around stoves without adult supervision.”

    But really, it still stands that this girl is obviously in her late 20s and somehow they decided that this was a good PR stunt which is somehow worse than marrying a 16 year old.

  17. These are the kind of people who basically got divorced before they got married.

  18. ewwwwwwwwwww.

  19. I bet they both love soup.

  20. This would be my only piece of evidence in a testimony against the argument that gay marriage ruins the sanctity of marriage. Braff Disclaimer: No Homo.

  21. Someone spoil the plot for me because I really don’t want to force myself to watch this whole thing: Does she ever move that chunk of hair out of her face?
    That’s all I wanna know.

  22. Classic Horace.

  23. So when does their reality show start? These two kind of remind me of some government check pedo nightmare version of Sheen and his goddesses.

  24. also, his cocaine nostrils and her budding cocaine nostrils will soon bond to form a single, vacuous, ant eater nostril that will inevitably consume the entire world, before turning on itself.

    but ya….ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    • fuck me, this is too much…that “kiss“ at 5.35…it`s like she`s going to see her grandma in a retirement home, and one of the Alzheimer patients from the neighboring care facility snuck in for a quick one, muttering “my, how miss johnson`s girls have grown! also, when I was a child, you could buy a chocolate bar for a nickel!“, and she allowed it to happen, you know, because she`s all caring and understanding like that

  25. Oh wait, I went to school with a version of this chick. By my calculations she is about 2 years away from a crippling meth addiction and moving back in with mommy and daddy until she is 30.

  26. To me the thing most revealing of the kind of love they are truly in is the way she says “O-K” after he leans in to kiss her on the neck.

  27. Her description of marriage sounds like something that a sixteen year old would think marriage is like…oh wait…

  28. Next to “2 Girls 1 Cup” this is the grossest thing I’ve ever seen. I cant wait for the divorce!

  29. Brought together by their love of right-shoulder decorations.

  30. When does “The Real Underage Housewives of Fucking Gross” air? Is it on Bravo?

  31. I don’t know who these people are.

  32. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

  33. He is the reanimated corpse of Corey Haim and I claim my five pounds.

  34. I do not entirely believe she sixteen. I also do not entirely believe “she” is a “she.”

  35. Isn’t that the guy who squeezed through vents and mail slots to eat people on the X-Files? Courtney better watch her liver…

  36. looks photo-shopped.

  37. Seriously, who the fuck was this guy on LOST? Because I’ve seen that show *a lot* and *multiple times* and *often* and I don’t remember him. Was he an extra on Widmore’s boat? That doesn’t qualify you as a LOST actor. I was in the background of a Tori Spelling reality show episode but you don’t see me listing it on my credentials when I sit in a dark room and make fun of people on the Internet.

  38. There is no Courtney only ZUUUUUUUL!

  39. “She’s Pretty”

    -Nobody

  40. She reminds me of the alien dude in Men in Black, who is wearing the guy’s skin as a suit. And he’s all awkward and not quite right with his human puppetry. Doug Hutchinson is a willing participant in the future alien invasion!

  41. Oh yeah Horace! I was wondering that too, Creepy!

  42. What in holy hell is this chick taking? She looks more wasted than Kid Rock at the CMT Awards. And as for her age, if she is really a teen, she looks like she’s been rode hard and put up wet. In just a few years she will look older than me and I’m as old as her husband.

  43. She’s 16 – how horrific? An old soul who looks old – she looks like a very tired, worn out 45y.o. Not to mention the girl is positively scary with the piled on cosmetics and she’s trying too hard to be sexy. Instead of trying to be an “actress” “singer” “celebrity” – she should have stayed in school. Hitched your wagon to the wrong star honey – he appears as worn out as she is and without connections. I remember him from ‘The Green Mile” but that’s it. It’s as sad as Hefner and those silly blonde nitwits surrounding him.

    • Oh, be nice. I’m sure if we took the 4 pounds of makeup off her, sobered her up, braided her hair into pigtails and put her in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit should could pass for a 37-year-old, easy!

  44. If I married everyone who liked the same TV shows as me, I’d be married to a lot of people I really hate. Probably.

    Point being, don’t marry people who could be your child EVEN IF they like “I Love Lucy.”

  45. Her birth certificate is about as authentic as Obama’s.

    ….too soon?

  46. Hutchison has completed a 99-page personal memoir, Hey, Guess What? Tom Hanks’s Shit Smells, Too!: My Adventures in the Toilet of Tinseltown and is currently writing a children’s book series based on his chihuahua, Everette.[6]

    Can’t wait!

  47. I think one of the main reasons this story has become insanely uncomfortable for us lucky viewers, is the fact that on paper it’s kind of dismissively gross. Oh, this old chester with bit Hollywood parts married a child, super ew.
    Unfortunately, we’re the kind of hyper-active society that can move on pretty quickly from that and forget it ever happened. This particular instance is capturing my interest (disgust) for such a prolonged amount of precious internet time because, honestly, that girl is so out of this realm high/insane/old-looking/whatever, that she pretty much comes off like the predator in this scenario. Not even a cliched gold-digger.
    I don’t know how to phrase this correctly: As the mother of a young girl, I never fathomed that I would consider a fifty-one year old man the sucker in a marriage with a child bride, and yet that’s what these couple interviews have led me to feel.
    That’s just such a twist, our little perverted, bored media minds latch onto as almost revolutionary. But, to me and anyone empathetic of my confusion and horrid fascination- this is not some interesting movie mindbender that subverts normal tropes and prejudice, this is child abuse.
    Yuck! Go away!

  48. It’s like an alien from a planet that only gets our transmissions from Cinemax put on some human skin and is trying to act like how it thinks women act.

  49. There’s no way this is real, right? This can’t be real. This is some Joaquin Phoenix-style art school experiment to illustrate the triviality of marriage or something, yes?

  50. Good thing Courtney’s mom was able to hook her up with a sugar daddy.
    The bills for the robotic lip implants sure weren’t going to pay themselves.

  51. “We love laughing.” Who knew!

  52. Wow. Therapists all over the country are drooling at this wonderful psychotic display. Unfortunately, there are not nearly enough hours in their SAG health plan for what they need.
    Anyone else hoping he is like the most dedicated method actor ever and he’s getting ready for some big part about being the husband of an ex-porn actress that had too much plastic surgery and obviously hates herself? No, just me…I’m the only optimist?

  53. I’m appalled that they proudly pulled out proof that she was 16, all like, “Ha, in your face, haters/doubters!” as if normal people’s attitudes about pedophilia don’t even exist at all(?)

  54. I want to take Gabe to parties and listen to the derogatory hyphenated name insults he comes up with.

    Lizard-Faced Garbage Robot and Leathered-Out Retired Porn Demon made my day.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.