Something that I’m trying to learn, and maybe you’ll find that this is a good tip to use in your own life, is that when someone orders something that is clearly disgusting at a restaurant, you don’t make a gross face and say “Ewwwww.” Similarly, when someone offers you a sip of the drink they’re enjoying and you don’t like it, you don’t respond with, “Yuck, no, gross.” Probably a better response would be something like, “Not for me,” or maybe you just nod and say nothing? I don’t particularly agree with these things — I’d much rather be able to express myself freely and tell you that everything you’re doing is wrong, but it is certainly rude and I’m working on it. Do I like it when people tell me that you’re not supposed to put butter on your pop tarts? Or that water isn’t a fine substitute for milk in cereal when you don’t have any milk but really want cereal? I don’t like it, and frankly it’s none of their business. With that said:

WHY DID YOU ORDER THE SQUID THAT IS MOVING!? IT IS SO GROSS! EWWW!!!!

Ahhhh!! I can’t believe this person is going to eat this thing and that other people have eaten and and continue to eat it, EVEN TODAY! Even today someone will eat something like this, I’m sure! That is not food. That is a monster that is moving. Please take it and put it somewhere it can’t harm you and then continue to eat your meal. A neat fact about this horrible nightmare is that it is dead and only moving because the soy sauce is making its muscles contract somehow. I don’t know. I read it in the youtube comments and was at first VERY interested and then I immediately became bored, so it’s something about the sodium and nerves and muscles contracting. Who says you don’t learn anything on the internet! But maybe you already knew that? “I learned that first in school and then saw it on Iron Chef. Also this looks delicious.” – Everyone, probably. Ugh, whatever.

So, to rest my case, I am gross and have an unappealing personality, but also this is not food, it is a nightmare that no one should eat. I rest my case. (Via UniqueDaily.)

Comments (50)
  1. Nannerpuss?

  2. My favorite scene in the film was when the dancing squid nearly fell over and the person held it up. “Hang in there, beheaded dancing zombie soy sauce squid!” – the poster in my cubicle

  3. DID YOU GUYS SEE GWYNETH PALTROW IS IN A COACH ADVERTISEMENT?!?!?! DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!

  4. gotta say, i’d probably be open to trying it….having said that, if it can climb out of the bowl on its own occord, it has earned my repsect and all i can do is wish it well on its journey.

  5. I would like one bowl of Elaine Benes dancing, please.

  6. IDK, Kelly. A couple of friends of mine have been to japan and gone to these raw bars where they serve you fish that they cut from a STILL LIVING FISH. Like, There’s a fish, swimming, they grab it, slice off the shank, and then put it back in the water to SWIM AROUND SOME MORE WITH PART OF IT CUT OFF TO AWAIT THE REST OF IT BEING SLICED.

    There are competitions amongst fish choppers (I don’t know the exact term, FisheruChopperu, Maybe (dats raycess)) to see who can slice a fish up the most without kill-killing it all the way, flopping fish shanks practically breathing at you…
    Anyway, what I’m saying is, Asians eat weird things; I MIGHT be a little bit racist.

    • I once saw a guy at a restaurant eating lobster out the back (rear? rearus?) of the lobster while it was still alive. He then looked over at me and said, “Real men hold the antenna while eating” which I thought was just a BINGO of a statement.

    • That. That is just horrifying.

      It reminds me of that Torchwood episode where they kept the alien meat monster alive because it healed so fast. That was gross too.

    • Found it:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ikizukuri

      That is horrifyingly cruel!!! Does sadism make the fish taste better?

      • AUSTRALIA banned it. AUSTRALIA! They are the most hardcore English speakers in the world and even they were like “Wait, you just skinned a live fish and now I am supposed to eat its still-beating heart? No no no no no.” Oh god this is awful.

    • omg omg omg – I am alone in my own store and I am scaring away customers at the door by saying “oh god oh god oh god” out loud.

      Even after all these years on the internet, I didn’t know about this and I really wish I still didn’t know about it.

  7. One day one of these zombie squids is going to grab some chop sticks and gouge someone’s eye out and then this will be even MORE of a delicacy.

  8. I don’t remember Spongebob being so dark

  9. If you don’t haev milk and you really want cereal, the only acceptable substitute is Bailey’s.

  10. I can’t believe it’s just moving because of science-magic. It is alive and misses it’s giant squid mother! *sad face*

  11. So then tentacle porn is really just about taking food into the bedroom? Hunh. The more things change…

  12. Oldboy approves.

    • I thought the exact same thing. actually what i thought is, “now some homeless looking korean guy stuffs the whole thing in his mouth and…”

  13. Does this mean if I pour soy sauce on Mother she’ll start moving again? She’s been sitting there for an awful long time, and she’s starting to smell.

  14. man, I wish this was Russian food b/c I could tell the BEST Yakov Smirnof (sp?) joke

  15. When I thought it was alive and being tortured by hot tea, I was horrified. Now that I know it’s science, I find that super-duper-ultra interesting (but probably wouldn’t eat it, because it would be like eating the papier mache volcano science project after all the vinegar-lava has come out).

  16. This makes me very uncomfortable. Even if the squids dead, why would you want to pretend its alive while you eat it?

  17. I understand logically that it’s dead, but a part of me screams “It’s still moving! KILL IT WITH FIRE!” And I imagine that part of me might be kind of resistant to the idea of putting it near my mouth.

  18. So what’s the next step? Do you carve the squid? I don’t understand how you go about just eating a whole squid. Also, is the squid resting on a bed of vitamin E supplements? That’s waaaay too much vitamin E, guys! This is shaping up to be a really shitty meal.

  19. So … maybe this is just me, but I’m just not that into torturing or even really pretending to torture my food before I eat it, because I’m not an orca or a sociopath. But that’s just me.

  20. This made me inexpressibly sad. I’m TRYING to express it, but the best I’m coming up with is :( .

  21. The first thing I think when I see a reanimated, zombie squid is DELICIOUS FOOD.

  22. Um, no, no, NO. I love how this person grabs a tissue to clean up the MINOR spillage caused by the VERY MUCH ALIVE TINY SQUID that can never understand its situation and is thrashing about wildly as its eventual consumer pours various sauces on its FUCKING HEAD. ‘Oh Mr. Squid, you’re making a mess. But that’s okay, just get back in the FUCKING BOWL and we’ll forget it ever happened. Now I’ll pierce your brain with a fork, LOL!’ Horrifying.

  23. Whatever, you are what you eat. I prefer to be ALIVE.

    -Schooled you

  24. I’ll barf what she’s having.

  25. I’m going to start pouring soy sauce on all dead animals to see if it renders the same effect.

  26. I am unashamedly bigoted against cephalopods but even I find this unspeakably horrifying and sad.

    On a lighter note, the Plenty Of Fish ad under the reply box kind of made me laugh a little bit.

  27. Did someone just make an “I Basically Don’t Respect Your Country’s Cultural Underpinnings” Face again? (Old school 2009 Monsters represent!!)

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