We already talked about the This Must Be the Place trailer earlier this week, so you might think we didn’t have any other trailers to talk about, but you would be wrong, and you should think better. There were so many new ones! There’s the Martin Scorcese movie for children (?!) and also the John Carter From Mars trailer with Tim Riggins. Oh! And a new Steven Soderbergh trailer that looks great and also the new Sherlock Holmes trailer which also looks very good. Man, now that I’ve listed them like that it is just crazy how you thought there weren’t any other trailers to discuss this week. Come on, dude!

Hugo

Snore. I know that kids movies are for kids and the opinions of adults don’t matter, so, we don’t need to spend too much time on this, but here’s one question: if the movie is set in Paris, why do they have English accents especially when Chloe Moretz is American? I AM NOT AFRAID TO ASK THE TOUGH QUESTIONS ABOUT CHILDREN’S MOVIES CHARACTER LOGIC!

The Thing

Whoa. This looks good! I haven’t actually seen John Carpenter’s The Thing, which is supposed to be a classic, and so maybe people who have seen it and love that movie think that this looks like another terrible, cash-grabbing Hollywood remake. Fair enough. I don’t know. This looks good!

Glee

No comment.

John Carter

Let’s just hold out hope for this one? We have, like, another 100 months to just be hopeful that this won’t be an utter disaster. The idea is fun, and also TIM RIGGINS, but, you know, like I said, let’s just hold out hope. But, hope aside, when is Hollywood going to realize that is not a type of costume that appeals to anyone? It was awful in Prince of Persia: Sands of Slime and it looks awful in this.

Contagion

Yes! Just the idea of a Steven Soderbergh directed movie about a virus outbreak is a very good idea that I was on board with before the trailer but now that the trailer is here and the trailer is very good then this is just better and better. “The birds are weapons, Mrs. President.” What a cast! Matt Damon! Kate Winslet! Marion Cotillard! Bryan Cranston! Jude Law! John Hawkes! GWYNETHHHHHH! This looks great. Let’s see this. GET WELL SOON.

Sherlock Holmes

The first Sherlock Holmes movie was basically perfect. I’m not saying it was an amazing movie, I just mean that it was kind of exactly what you would want from a Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes movie that you hopefully see as a matinee on a wintry Sunday afternoon. Fun! So this looks like more fun! But I still wish it was a feature length Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock Holmes that was coming to the big screen. Just you guys wait until I am in charge.

Higher Ground

I’m pretty sure this is the movie they were always going to see on Seinfeld.

Jack and Jill

Oof. All I will say is that people usually end up getting what they deserve and the same probably goes for large groups of people, like “movie audiences” and “America.”

Breakaway

HOW ARE THEY GOING TO BEAT THE HAMMERHEADS?! This movie looks benign and dumb, who cares. But I guess if it changes just one uneducated (but cinematically mildly adventurous?) white person’s idea of what Indians are capable of…in the world of hockey, then it’s totally worth it.

Comments (86)
  1. Jane Lynch is so prescient.

  2. I actually just got a little angry that you haven’t seen The Thing. Like, actual anger.

    • I watched it on Youtube about a month ago and its broken into about 15 parts. And just to be a dick, MGM removed part 15/15 from Youtube so no one can watch the last 10 minutes. They left the other 14/15 parts up. I had to read the ending on Wikipedia. But, great movie.

    • Me watching The Thing:

      “Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the dog in. Don’t bring the… You idiots.”

      • I’ve never seen The Thing and I think this looks like a terrible remake. Is that wrong?

        Oh look there is a dog here. I’ll just bring it in.

        • It’s not a remake, it’s a prequel. I’m not defending anything (I can’t watch the trailer at work), just clarifying. This isn’t really sacred ground considering it’s a prequel to a remake, but I’m holding on to hope this turns out to be decent.

    • Me, to The Thing trailer just now: “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO”

      John Carpenter’s The Thing=Best remake of all time

      This Thing thing= NO.

      • I’m fairly certain that was actually a fake trailer. It was just a bunch of footage from the 2009 Kate Beckinsale vehicle, “Whiteout,”(yeah, I saw it. I’m probably the only one) cut with what looked like footage from “The Thing” videogame.
        So, I don’t know Gabe. Maybe you should just watch “Whiteout?”

        • From the youtube info:

          “This is my fan-made trailer for the upcoming movie Re-make/Prequel of “The Thing” (1982) is set to be released April 29th, 2011.”

          so yeah. Scared of that.

          Gabe needs to see the movie though.

    • i upvote the shit out of that sentiment

  3. Looks like Gwyneth accidentally ate some canned cheese.

  4. “Someone doesn’t have to weaponize the bird flu.”

  5. A Glee movie? I thought the whole point of watching Glee is that it’s something you do in your own home and never, ever let anybody know that you’re doing it.

  6. Oh gosh, Gabe, please watch Carpenter’s “The Thing” and then rewatch that trailer.

    I’m not a purist and do believe most movies can be remade in an interesting way, but “The Thing” is so perfectly terrifying and dread-inducing that this trailer/”prequel” just clearly misses the boat on why it was scary to be begin with.

    • THIS, A HUNDRED TIMES THIS. “The Thing” is probably one of my top five movies, and I hate scary movies! But it’s so good! And now it looks like “Resident Evil: Antarctica.”

      And April 2011? Did I miss something?

      • Admit it, it would be pretty terrifying if while you were watching that movie, whenever it comes out, all of a sudden it was April 2011 all over again. Oh no, I don’t think I have any tears left to shed for another announcement that Katie Couric is retiring! #april2011throwback

    • Seriously.

      “How about we throw a bunch of random people into the cast, so we can have a lot of death, like tons of action and just violence and adventure, cause that’s what made the first one good, right?”
      “Actually, no. It was -”
      “I don’t care.”

  7. Jack and Jill has me torn. On one hand it looks like hot garbage. On the other hand I actually liked Mr. Deeds and, stay with me, Zohan (YIKES!) and those two had equally ridiculous and hot garbage trailers. Now to be fair, Grown Ups (yeah i saw it, it was late and on netflix, sue me) and Chuck and Larry (refuse to see) are terrible.

    Just don’t count Sandler out.

  8. The tagline for Hugo should be: “Hugo–in which Martin Scorsese definitively answers the question of whether or not he’s capable of making the worst piece of shit ever SPOILER The answer is yes.”

  9. “From the producers of Just Go With It and Grownups…”

    Thanks for the warning.

  10. Was the big scary climax of the The Thing trailer just a clip from Dead Space? Anybody? Videogames?

    • Yeah, wait, it’s a fan-made trailer?


    • (No, I will never stop using this.)

      • But yeah, it’s FAKE. Here’s the real one:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KFrrgkRmSI

        • Yeah, that was totally a fan-made trailer or something! I watched The Thing trailer this morning, so reading this post I didn’t play the trailer, but noted while scrolling past that the logo was different from when I watched it this morning. That’s totally not The Thing.

          That said, I finally saw The Thing for the first time about 8 months ago and really enjoyed it quite a bit, like, to the point where I questioned if my roommate was actually my roommate afterwards. This new The Thing, which is technically supposed to be a prequel to The Thing, looks like it could go either way. It looks totally like a remake of the film, but when you think about what the film will be about, that original team of Antarctic researchers who discovered the Thing in the first place all probably met their end in a similar fashion anyway.

          Mary Elizabeth Winstead is nice to watch and hear.

        • Look we’re all nerds, but Videogum is nice because it’s not solely comprised of really mean or gross specific nerds. The best part of Videogum is that there’s this educated Everyman feeling about it. But I’m still a little disappointed all around that so few identified a very fake trailer with video game scenes cut into it as such.

          Unless you were just playing a prank, Gabe. But you don’t like pranks! You said the very fake trailer with video game scenes cut into it look great, though. Very pranky.

        • Let me just say that the 80s version scared me so much that I had great hesitation about clicking the link to the real trailer. Glad I did! I’m still a little cynical about whether it will be as good as the Carpenter’s movie, but I guess we’ll see!

    • Not proud that I figured out it was a fake once I saw the footage from 2009′s WhiteOut (7% on Rotten Tomatoes).

  11. The use of Atlanta Thrashers colored practice jerseys was particularly timely. But it’s nice to see Rob Lowe trying to bring back the Youngblood magic.

  12. Every time I see Tim Riggins I’m like “That’s Tim Riggins? He does not look like a Tim Riggins.” I think he and John Hawkes should switch names.

  13. sherlock holmes looks good! the first one wasn’t that exciting to me, but this one looks like fun. Still not benedict cumberbatch, but we’ll have that soon enough.

  14. Jude Law is only in 3 of those movies, come on Jude stop fucking the nanny and be in every movie

  15. I’d just like to thank Steven Soderbergh for continuing to make movies that actual adults might like to see.

  16. Some of my friends were extras in Contagion! I am excited about looking for their heads in giant crowd shots!

  17. Is it weird that my primary problem with the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies is that he’s too sexy? Sherlock Holmes is not that sexy, RDJ! Cut it out!

  18. What the fuck is wrong with you 2011?

    A Martin Scorsese movie that looks like a Shawn Levy movie?

    And if the barrage of sequels and remakes weren’t enough, now “guy in a cartoony cgi space land” is a new genre that we have to deal with?

    Thanks a lot 2011…you asshole.

    • Are movies seriously dead? I haven’t seen Beginners yet, so maybe I’m rushing to judgment. But Beaver is considered one of the top movies of 2011. Am I dead?

  19. I had no idea where that screen grab came from. I was like, Is there a He-Man movie coming out that I didn’t know about? I wouldn’t have been surprised because I am not ‘in the know.’ Anyway, someone should tell John Carter he looks like a brunette He-man…and that i am disappointed.

  20. The Thing – cool looking movie, but what was with that end shot where it looked like a video game promo? I actually had to rewind it to make sure Ashton Kutcher (that’s how you spell his name, right?) didn’t just punk’d me.

    John Carter – Jesus Christ! Not saying that in vain, I mean, JC-JC. This baby is going to be heavy of the Christ symbolism.

    Contagion – Outbreak ruined my brain when I was little. Time to ruin it when I’m an adult.

    Hugo – Marty’s back? Yay?

  21. After seeing the 2011 The Thing, fans of the original are so gonna be all “tl;nekr.”

    (not enough Kurt Russell)
    (or, never enough Kurt Russell?)

  22. Haha, Gabe got so played by the fake trailer. The real one has Mary Elisabeth Winstead and the guy from Dumb and Dumber 2 who played the Jim Carrey part. And it looks like a pile of hot garbage.

  23. John Carter: Clear Eyes, Full Loincloths

  24. Gabe is as correct about John Carter’s outfit as he is correct about GQ photoshoots.
    (That is to say, very very very.)(That is to say, it’s totally okay to be terrible about and to people if the people involved are pretty on the eyes.)

  25. Hugo: There is way too much footage of Sacha Baron Cohen running around like an idiot in this trailer. By the end I assumed there were only three sequences: One with Jude Law, one with the overly enthusiastic girl and the magical drawing robot whatever and then one with LOTS AND LOTS OF WACKY RACES CHASING. Go away movie, you are no ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ (love that movie).

    The Thing: For some reason this reminds me of that remake of ‘The Fog’ in that all of the actors look like they were punched out of paper doll books (dull, flat, made of paper) and are being made to recreate something most of us enjoyed the first time around. Burn those paper dolls is what I’m saying. Also it’s a prequel and yet it has the same title as the original? GREAT JOB HOLLYWEIRDS.

    Glee: A preview for ‘Captain America’ started playing so I don’t know what happened there.

    John Carter: “You know what people hate? Mars. We should take ‘Mars’ out of the title. Just call it ‘John Carter’, trust me, we’ll make so much money.” – A Hollyweird who doesn’t realize their film looks exactly like ‘Prince of Persia’ only somehow more boring (SOMEHOW).

    Contagion: Now yes, please, this looks very good. I’ll have what they’re having! #BirdFluMartini

    Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows: Didn’t see the first one … so … hrm. Drag humor!

    Jack & Jill: The American south is burning into the atmosphere but I’m sure it has NOTHING to do with climate change caused by mankind. THAT we can all be sure of yes? Oh and also this is fucking garbage and it should be taken out to the curb.

    • To add onto your John Carter commentary:

      Exec 1: “It’s called John Carter of MARS? Nah, that’s no good.”
      Exec 2: “Oh yeah. Mars Needs Moms did TERRIBLY. Y’see, people just don’t like MARS. It’s UNSELLAbLE.”
      Filmmaker: “Are you sure it wasn’t because Mars Needs Moms looked terrible and was in fact terrible?”
      Exec 2: “Nothing wrong with the picture. People just don’t like Mars. It’s too spooky. It’s a spooky planet.”
      Filmmaker: “Well all throughout everything and in the books he’s always referred to as John Carter of Mars. That’s kind of his whole thing. Without Mars, what? You’re just going to call it John Carter? What kind of a title is that?”
      Exec 1: “You don’t know a single FUCKING thing about marketing, kid.”

      • I like how they kept the JCM sigil, too, so that audiences will look at it and say, “John Carter? John Carter of where? M something, huh? John Carter of Mississippi? John Carter of Madagascar? John Carter of Manchuria? WHAT COULD IT BE?”

  26. It’s a pretty cruel joke that I had to watch the Insidious trailer to get to the Hugo trailer. I have the brain of a child, I want to see children’s movies, and I don’t want to pee my pants at 3 PM.

    • I didn’t realize it was playing another trailer first, so for too many seconds I was like “This is a children’s movie? Does Martin Scorsese hate children?”

    • Isn’t it so annoying that we have to watch commercials before loading movie trailers, which are just other commercials? Commercials don’t need to be sponsored by commercials! Get with the program, The Internet.

  27. Also, why does the Groundbreaking Indian Hammerhead movie (which is the Mighty Ducks and why can’t all races and nationalities have a Mighty Ducks that is in the Canadian constitution) end in rap?

  28. Knock knock. Who’s there? Sherlock. Sherlock who? Sherlock the looks ah some of them movies.

  29. No mention of that horrible Spielberg movie about the magic horse during WWI? Played before Potter last night and the whole theater was laughing very hard.

  30. John Carter is directed by Andrew “Wall-E director and general all-around Pixar guy but pre-Cars 2″ Stanton, so I’m holding out, like, a shitload of hope.

  31. I am excited about John Carter 1) Because coincidentally reading those books became my summer project instead of Infinite Jest and 2) Even though while reading the books my main thought has been “Thank god no one has ever made a movie of this, which must have been a conscious choice; Hollywood probably discussed it but then realized they could never capture the weird and airy mystery that makes it worthwhile.”

  32. I am pretty sure that in the John Carter books, everyone just went around naked all the time. Like, sometimes there was a harness that you put your sword and rope on, but otherwise even the loincloths were added in by the cover artists so that the books could be sold in stores.

    So how come Hollywood doesn’t do a costume like THAT, huh?

    • whats weird is that john carter has a weird conflict of hollywood movie titles that LOVE colons (:the streets) and their desire to shorten names of biopic films to just one name (ray, amelia, ali). either way i want a ripped guy in a Zardoz outfit battling on a giant iguana for 45 minutes!

  33. Did anyone else notice all the nearly upskirt shots in the Glee trailer?

    Jack & Jill. Ugh. All my ughs to this. Not that EVERY SINGLE THING about this trailer wasn’t the worst*, but what was with the pony’s legs breaking? Are they implying that Jill is so fat it crushed it? Because while she’s no Gwyneth Paltrow (except in horribleness), she’s not big enough to crush a pony’s legs. Since he seems to be going for an Eddie Murphy/Martin Lawrence thing I don’t see why he didn’t just spring for the fat suit. Also from what I hear they’re supposed to be identical twins? But identical twins are never different genders because identical. “I am surprised an Adam Sandler ‘comedy’ movie made such a basic scientific mistake!” – Dr. Antisocialite the genius.

    *PS Gabe, is it too early to nominate this for WMOAT?

  34. The finally used one of Awesome-O’s movie ideas!!
    so, like, Adam Sandler is in love with this girl, but she’s really a dog…or something

  35. No one commented on the Higher Ground trailer! I have absolutely no idea why, but it looks really interesting to me!

  36. “The Thing” 2011, No, Just, No.

  37. John Hawkes is in two of these trailers! Contagion AND Higher Ground. When does he have time to make all the movies?

    And Contagion looooks greeeaaat. I love apocalyptic movies – I prepare by watching survival strategy videos on YouTube, like the pioneers did.

  38. I guess nobody who reads this blog is surprised that Gwyneth Paltrow kills the human race. I had to stop watching the Glee trailer after 12 seconds because it was the worst. Hugo needs more Pokemon.

  39. http://www.benzlogo.com/

    I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport

  40. Oh Matt Damon, its just like that one time when trees tried to kill you, that one time, in the M. Night Shamalama joint! Also,don’t share straws!

  41. the thing remake looks like its gonna blow chunks of media poop

  42. funniest moment of the entire series

  43. yutyutyghjghjrtyrtfgh

  44. No. No RDJ Sherlock Holmes movie. I like RDJ (especially his lovely face, only improved by Victorian clothes) but the first movie was so dumb – TOO DUMB. If they just didn’t associate it with Sherlock Holmes, I would be fine. Call it “Bad Boyz 7: Queen Victoria’s Buddy Cops”. Whatever! This new one had about twenty explosions and that is too many. This should be a movie version of the Benedict Cumberbatch version of Sherlock. Then this movie would awesome instead of terrible.

    By the way, did everyone read that the new season of Sherlock is going to be Hound of the Baskervilles, A Scandal in Bohemia, and The Final Problem? I am very excited for this!!

  45. People I was most excited about in the Contagion trailer: Enrico Colantoni (Keith Mars!) and Jennifer Ehle (Elizabeth Bennet!).

    Also, as a children’s librarian I feel I deserve an apology for what Martin Scorcese has done to a gorgeous and amazing Caldecott-winning book.

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