When you start to notice a real pattern in your life, it’s probably time to take a look at yourself, you know? Like, if you are constantly getting in fights with your friends but none of your friends are getting in fights with each other, maybe you are the problem! That’s not a great example, because who even gets in fights with friends anymore? You just stop POKING THEM BACK on FACESPACE! The point is, take a look around. Maybe everyone else is the problem, sure, but maybe actually you are the problem. Like, I feel like Christians often complain that they are getting mistreated and misunderstood and maybe they are, I don’t know. Perhaps in the aftermath of the Great War on Christmas, when the smoke clears and the rubble has been swept away, maybe then we will finally know what was what. But maybe they can stop making low budget mail-order DVD parodies of reality TV shows providing married women with inspirational bible stories to help guide them through their relationships with both husband and GOD. Just for awhile. See if maybe that was part of it?

Oh, so it’s still the gays and the Jews and the women who would like to be in charge of their bodies and the people who feel that the very concept of a God is so vast as to be unknowable and so maybe we should at least stop pretending to be so self-righteous about our impossible knowledge and give everyone the chance to live their lives as best as they know how without the constraints of our personal belief systems that are being weird? Got it. (Via WarmingGlow.)

Comments (20)
  1. Sigh. I feel like there isn’t a day that goes by that something stupid like this makes me feel a little embarrassed to call myself a christian. #realtalk

  2. Apparently you don’t get everything you want, because if you did, you’d be able to drive down the driveway and park a half-mile closer to the house.

  3. Real Housewives of The Bible

  4. Oh man, the cat fight between Eve and Lilith during the reunion episode is going to be EPIC.

  5. We joke here, because I know we do, haha and whatnot; but can I be serious for a second? I know this thing is sort of a joke (is it? I am not sure if this is a joke), but listening to that middle girl, Delilah, made me briefly black out from unhappiness. I think the problem is, when I watch this kind of TV, two things conflict in my mind:
    a) This type of horrible person really exists, and she continues to exist because people keep watching her and TV keeps paying her to be horrible, or
    b) This type of person doesn’t really exist, and this lady is like any other actor, who is acting, and she continues to act like that because people keep watching her act and TV keeps paying her to act horrible.
    Option A is terribly depressing and it makes me feel sort of like I do when I think about how big the universe is. Option B is not so depressing, but makes me wonder why it would make me angry? They’re all just apparently stellar actors in that case. What I’m saying is, dear Television (if you are reading this): just cast actual well-known actors on these shows so that I know for sure what’s up, and don’t have an existential aneurism and die.

    Okay, carry on.

    • Those that didn’t have 12 years of Christian school education may not have picked up on it, but part of the whole joke of this is that each of those women is a character from the Bible the stories mirror those of the biblical stories. Delilah as in Samson and Delilah.

      Speaking of those 12 years of Christian education, I think almost every depiction I’ve seen of Delilah has shown her as dark and exotic, and not in the way which would make sense since people from the Bible lived in the Middle East and all. Other biblical characters get to be blond and blue-eyed, but Delilah is always a dark temptress.

      • I did get the Bible reference; I was commenting on I guess Delilah’s character type? Because despite being from the Bible, that character type translates extremely well to the entire Real Housewives franchise cast. Or perhaps the entire cast of the Bravo network? Who knows. Science will have to decide that one.

  6. - Keeping Up With the Noahs
    - Say Yes to the Technicolor Dreamcoat
    - Cake God
    - Jerusalem Shore
    - Ice Loves Cocoa & Jesus

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