Girls, as you know, there are times in all of our lives when we need to get something off of our computer screen that is currently on our computer screen. When we buy eTickets, when we need to print out a picture that we like to hang up in our workspace just to personalize it a little because we can’t work to our full capacity in an environment that is only sterile and cold, documents, maps, and many other things. But, as you also know, printing things out is one of the MOST boring things that you can do. “Print. Print. Print. Print.” – Impression of a printer. “Standing.” -Impression of you, waiting for the printer to do its only job that most of the time it can’t seem to do without a problem anyway. And what do you even do with the paper after you use it? Put it in a folder? Throw it away? See how small you can fold it up? Recycle it? Doesn’t recycling paper use more energy than it takes to just make new paper? Didn’t you hear that somewhere? Shouldn’t you just throw it in the garbage? It’s closer anyway? Too late already just threw it in the garbage? It’s a never-ending cycle of unanswered questions.

Well, girls (and if boys use printers?), I may have an answer.

When GIRLS rule the world, every printer will be a chocolate printer. And there will be no more paper waste. And everyone will be beautiful — and I do mean the Hollywood standard of beautiful, which will have been adjusted by this point, in part due to the printers — and so happy. And we’ll all just eat all the chocolate all the time. And no one will even care about eTickets or maps or documents anymore, because they will melt almost instantly and people will get tired of dealing with them. And there won’t be any wars. And gay marriage will be legal in every state in the USA. Maybe not everywhere in the world, though, because it is a big world and who can say. And everyone will have perfect skin and no one will have to pay for Internet access. And once everyone buys clothing, they will continue to like it even when they get home from the store. And bedbugs won’t exist.

Thank you, chocolate printer! (Via TheDailyWhat.)

Comments (18)
  1. Why you gotta be sexist, printer manufacturers? Dudes want a machine to print with our stereotypical food of choice. Jerky printer 2012!

  2. Listen, i’m as culturally sensitive and politically correct as the next anonymous internet avatar (Very!) but I REFUSE to let “TechLOLogy” go unnoticed. That alone makes me want to give this video 4 2007 youtube stars.

    Having said that, Kit Kat has been printing letters for years. Wake me up when they have chocolate skin grafts

  3. Chocolate maps? I call dibs on Hershey, PA.

  4. Blah blah blah, Willy Wonka, blah blah blah, Oompa Loompa unemployment. (I’m tired and now am craving chocolate… I’ll finish this comment later)

    • Willy Wonka invested time and money into creating a machine to take a large amount of chocolate and make it smaller. I’d say a chocolate printer is the least of his business concerns.

  5. Oh man, Kelly, if you ever come to MN, we should totally have a slumber party. We could play Girl Talk: Date Line and make prank calls and play MASH and eat too much candy. It would be ever so much fun!

    #no creepo

  6. Hey guys, I’m at work and watched this on mute, so maybe I missed something…but aren’t they just putting pieces of chocolate under a microscope thing? Where is the ‘printing’?

    Are these so-called scientists not familiar with the “pics or it didn’t happen” portion of the Scientific Principle?

  7. I am deeply suspicious that a 4-minute video on a chocolate printer never showed the chocolate printer printing chocolate.

    I smell hoax. A hoax that smells like delicious chocolate.

    Techlology, indeed.

  8. I need b-roll of this printer “printing”.


    I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport

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