Ugh. Get ready for this one, you guys! You might want to put a cold compress on your HEART. Then again, this is not actually that surprising. This video should be called “Michelle Bachmann: Par For The Course.” After the jump, I have posted a video that is taken from a 2009 broadcast (like, a pretty major broadcast, probably on NBC, just kidding) but was only recently uploaded to the Internet of Michelle Bachmann leading a bunch of creeps* in a prayer to God asking HER to both forgive the sinners in our government and to stop the passage of health care reform. She actually asks for God’s “mercy” on the subject. Oh, motherfucker. I am (barely) willing to accept that we live in a country where a not unimportant and somewhat powerful segment of the population feels that human beings should not be allowed to have health care** but to bring God into things is just straight-up gross. IT IS A BIG WORLD OUT THERE! Maybe God does not have time to read all 1900 pages of the legislative proposals? She is too busy answering Her emails! Admittedly, this video is not nearly as funny as the photo of her hiding behind some bushes to spy on a gay rights rally, but it’s almost as grossly misinformed as the time she thought she was from the same birthplace as John Wayne when in fact she is from the birthplace of John Wayne Gacy. LOLOL! What a nightmare!

So PUMPED that she’s running for President! Can you campaign for both terms right off the bat? FOUR MORE YEARS! (Thanks for the tip, Merrill.)

*A note about creeps: these people are creeps! Sorry! Everyone is entitled to believe in whatever form of God or religion that they choose, and I don’t just mean that in the boilerplate “we live in America” way, but in the genuine, honestly that is what I believe way. Go for it! Good luck! I hope that it works and I hope that you are right! But as soon as you decide to publicly broadcast your religious belief system in an actual televised program, well then people get to react however they want to that, and the way I want to react to this is to point out that these people are creeps.
**By now, of course, we all know this isn’t exactly true. We live in a country where, thank GOD (get it?), people will always have SOME access to health care since, by law, hospitals are not allowed to simply throw dying people onto the street. The problem is the cost of these treatments is passed off onto taxpayers while also over-burdening/bankrupting the hospital system and lowering the general level of actual care received in America. What Michelle Bachmann n’ pals’ (see: creeps) prayer intended was for that cost and those inefficiences to continue to be deferred to and affect normal people so that major insurance corporations would not be forced to amend their policies and support their fair share of the financial responsibility. Obviously, you can get way more complicated than that with it if you want, but that’s the general idea.
Comments (82)
  1. There is absolutely no chance that there is a God who is against people receiving free health care.

    You may feel free to disagree with that so long as you understand that it makes you an asshole. FULL STOP.

    • Either that, or it makes God an asshole.

      • I think that the characteristics of the god you worship say more about you than him/her/it.

        • Well, I mean, if you believe in any particular God, then you believe in that God, right? You don’t get to decide that God thinks a certain way because you want him to. You’re just kinda stuck with the god you believe in. So if you believe in a God who’s sort of a dick and wants people to pay for healthcare, then that’s the God you’re stuck with, right?

          • Except that it’s the believers themselves who assign those qualities to their god. I don’t think there’s any scriptural basis for the free market, anti-healthcare version of the Christian God, just a desire to invoke God to justify one’s own political beliefs.

          • That’s only operating under the assumption that God is a creation of those who believe in him, and not the other way around. But if God existed since the beginning of whatever and created everything, than he is who he is, and has been before any of us were around.

          • Sure. Right. But that doesn’t change the fact that while there is supposedly one God worshipped by all Christians, He tends to be whatever the particular individual or sect wants Him to be. That fact alone should be quite enough to demonstrate, at the very least, that it is absurd to believe that you can know God’s true nature and that your version of Him is an immutable fact of existence.

          • Then by that standard, it’s absurd to believe that you know God wants people to have free healthcare.

            P.S. You and I have an awful lot of discussions here, and I genuinely hope that you enjoy them as much as I do. You are thoughtful and intelligent and fun to argue with, and I do like to argue an awful lot. But we’re still BFFs, right?

          • Exactly. It’s absurd to believe you know what God wants, so we should leave God out of our policy debates altogether. My original comment was meant to say simply that I can’t believe there would be a creator who would be so petty as to deny people treatment, should he give a care in the first place. I don’t believe in God myself, so I never use Him to justify anything I believe.

            Also, yes. BFF’s 4 eva.

          • An argument about what god wants between to people who don’t even believe in god is probably the most productive thing I will do all day.

          • i don’t know much (aka ANYTHING) about the bible, being raised a heathen and whatnot, but there’s this really interesting book about the marriage of christianity and free markey capitalism by a political theorist named william connolly called “capitalism and christianity: american style” that traces the evolution of how our grand poltical and cultural narratives combine to enforce the idea that since america, christianity, and capitalism are all essentially about exceptionalism and faith, it was only natural for the lines to get blurred , especially since so much of our rhetoric is colored by similar phrases that enforce the three, ie ideas of bountifulness, rewards being extended to those willing to work, etc.

          • I don’t think healthcare needs to be necessarily free to be consistent with a God of love, but it does need reform and it does need to be affordable. And if someone cannot afford to pay anything, then it would be free for them.

            I would respect this if Bachmann prayed for proper reform, or guidence, or any number of things that are not clearly just Republican talking points.

      • “If God exists, he sure hates people.” -Kurt Vonnegut, AKA THE BEST.

      • I always kinda thought God was an asshole. First time I ever actually listened in mass it was the story about how God told some guy to go up into a mountain, tie his son to a rock and then murder his own son for no reason other than that God had asked him to. Then, right as the guy was about to stab his son through the heart, God came down and was like, “Whoa whoa whoa!!!! SIKE!! Why are you about to kill your son? Don’t YOU look like the bad father! HAHAHAHHAHAHA LOLOL……….. I’m God, do-ith what I say-th!”

        I was like… “oh ma gaaaawd…” and then I went back to counting how many letter Bs were in the gospel because even that was preferable to listening in mass.

        So, to sum up. God probably does hate health care. Jesus, on the other hand…. I always sorta thought Jesus was the radical hippy son that God could never see eye to eye with.

        • Don’t know the exact chapter or verse or whatever, but at one point in the Bible, Jesus comes across a fig tree, and he wants a fig, but there are none growing, so he KILLS THE TREE. Way harsh.

          • There is no way he wasn’t drunk.

          • whoa! I was totally wrong about Jesus, then! No hippy would kill a tree!

            All his disciples were probably like, “oh man.. Jesus… chill…” and he probably tried to pass it off as some lesson about how if you don’t give to others (fruit) then you are a wasted life (tree Jesus killed while throwing a hissy fit).

          • there are many passages that make God look very petty.

            – The Bible never says what was wrong with Cain’s offering. We have to make up a story to provide the motive for killing his brother.

            – there are several passages where God is going to punish a town/nation and is ‘convinced’ to spare people as if the all-knowing deity needs advice from a farmer

            - the Abraham/Isaac story murry mentions. there’s no ‘the more you know’ segment, it’s used as a metaphor for Christians with Abraham=God People=Isaac Jesus=sacrificial substitute with no practical use for Abraham himself.

            - the Bible mentions God hardening Pharoah’s heart in Exodus. Maybe just not do that and skip the whole death of the first born thing?

          • I think, if in this conversation God is real (which I believe), it’s impossible for us to understand His/Her perspective. The answer to why God would have Abraham kill his son, if we take that as an actual event, is because He’s fucking God. He can do whatever He wants. I mean, God is either always right, or is outside the scope of morality.

            This is in some ways ridiculous to hear, since we only know our own limited perspectives. But if we think of the grand cosmos of what being God would be, it might make more sense?

            I don’t know. There’s also the argument that God is perfect, and therefore He is perfectly good and perfectly moral and just. So then Jesus killing a fig tree or God hardening the Pharoah’s heart is still right.

            Also, w/r/t the Pharoah, there are verses that say that the Pharoah’s heart was hardened and others that say God hardened it specifically, which I think gets into the issue of free will vs. divine intervention. But I think hardening a heart doesn’t necessarily mean “Let’s kill all the first born.”

            To echo what Facetaco was arguing before: God is not what we think of Him, even if we think he’s an asshole or doesn’t exist. I’m sure there are some people who think I’m an asshole (or don’t exist?), but my parents still love me and say I’m great!

            Wow I really ruined it at the end there, didn’t I.

          • w/r/t pharoah again and the first born thing, I was referring to the plague where God kills the first born egyptian sons. If God didn’t harden his heart, or instead said ‘hey, now you want to free those people’ he could have skipped the mass death.

            I agree with you mostly. As imperfect and limited people we can’t really understand the perspective of an all-knowing and perfect being. Christians that claim to have all the answers are wrong, because there are no answers to many questions.

          • Honestly the most shocking thing about this whole thread is that we’re having a civilized conversation about religion over the internet. Which I thought to be impossible. There really is a God! Way to go everyone!

          • God Hates Figs.

        • How many Bs ARE in the gospel, murry?

          My church coping strategy was to see if I could spell all the words in the prayers faster than the people around me could recite them. That’s why, to this day, I can spell things really fast. Super transferable skill, btw, so at least I got something out of church. JUST KIDDING… still bitter.

          • It’s different every week! It was an exciting distraction, counting those Bs.

            Spelling out the prayers faster than they could be said, though, is amazing. Nobody would ever think our hobbies are things only serial killers would do!

      • Old Testament God is very much anti-health care. WHERE’S YOUR OLD TESTAMENT GOD NOW???

        • Everyone knows that the only way you can heal your “demons” or illnesses is belief in God. Who needs a doctor?

    • Jesus was a socialist. It’s right there in the Bible. Refute that, so-called Christians.

      • there was that time Jesus was about to feed a crowd of 5000, but then decided that the sudden influx of available food would cause prices to crash and damage local businesses.

      • it’s hard to argue for or against this seriously because Jesus made an effort to not comment on political issues. Many of his contemporaries wanted a political messiah in addition to spiritual and Jesus avoided stepping on toes, instead saying ‘give unto Ceasar what is Ceasar’s’ and so forth. He was definitely in favor of personal habits that are similar to what socialism would enforce, but it’s different than saying he valued a particular political system (especially one that didn’t exist as we know it yet).

        The problem with the point of view I just put forward is that the people who say “let me give money to charity on my own, but don’t force me” often don’t understand that working to fight those gays and spread your religion isn’t what most people consider charity.

    • Nailed it after the first ten words.

    • “Si Dieu n’existait pas, il faudrait l’inventer” ~Voltaire

  2. God should end free health care as soon as Michelle Bachman comes down with something that can’t be cured and costs a lot of money to research.

  3. I have a few reactions to this (of course I do! I never shut up, haven’t you all realized that by now?) First, on behalf of the not all that bad state of Minnesota, sorry again. Really. We…we’re not quite sure how this happened, either, but we’re looking into it. There is a popular theory about poisoned lutefisk.

    Second, almost better than the ‘spying on a GLBT rally from the bushes’ is the time she accused two women of holding her in the bathroom against her will. It’s almost glorious in it’s asscraziness.

    • COUNTERPOINT::

      Soul Asylum is from Minnesota. I (briefly) saw them giving a free concert a few weeks ago, and they were not playing Runaway Train. Why weren’t they playing Runaway Train? Nobody goes to a Soul Asylum concert to hear them play any song other than Runaway Train! That is just absurd! ASSHOLES.

      • I saw Soul Asylum in DC on July 4. They played Runaway Train as the fireworks started up over the Washington Monument. U-S-A! U-S-A!

        I am sorry that they didn’t play it at the concert you went to. You must have been awfully frustrated (incorporated).

        • I’m sure they did eventually. I didn’t stick around. But there’s no excuse for them to play anything else. I did not go to see Soul Asylum to hear any song other than Runaway Train! Get on the stage, play your one hit, and go home! If you feel like it, play it a few times! But nothing else, Soul Asylum!

      • “Soul Asylum never comin’ back” – Minnesota Venue Owner

      • I’ll be it made you so mad that you needed to find somebody to shove*.

        *Disclaimer: I can recognize about four Soul Asylum songs. I’m afraid that working one of those songs into a comment will make it appear that I’m a big Soul Asylum fan. Let me assure you this is not the case. Though I do have respect for fellow Minnesotans Bob Mould/Husker Du, the Replacements, and the 3/5 of Free Energy who are from Redwing.

      • Counter Point: Somebody to Shove.

      • Soul Asylum played a free concert a block from my apartment about a year ago. I got them confused with Collective Soul and felt very disappointed when I opened my window to hear them singing Runaway Train instead of December.

  4. Can God create a Health Care Reform so liberal even he himself can’t repeal it?

  5. lol damn. yall white muthafuckaz need to chill the fuck out. dayum!

  6. Hey, guy on the right! Do not sip your coffee during this! This is not PRAYERBUCKS!

  7. Yikes! I don’t know if I’m equipped to handle this post today. I’ll be over here, waiting this one out.

  8. Its a good thing that prayer fatigue is covered in her Federal Employees Health Benefits Program

  9. “You think the cure for leprosy is free?” -Jesus

  10. Now I lay me down to sleep,
    I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
    If I shall die before I wake,
    I will significantly lower the premiums for my coworkers and/or family and/or taxpayers, thus contributing to optimal market efficiency.

  11. I had never heard of the ‘spying from the bushes’ pic until just now and am truly glad to know it exists. At this point can we all agree it’s almost impossible to decide who’s the worst between Palin and Bachmann? They seem to be merging into one abhorrent superbeast that is determined to wipe out the last few brain cells the general American public has left. Once those are gone all we’ll have left is an endless stream of ‘Transformers’ / ‘Pirates’ sequels and a bottomless bag of spicy Cheetos.

    • Bachmann is winning for now. Palin is pretending to run for president in order to make money to take free vacations for her family, and doesn’t actually have a job as an elected official. Bachmann is in Congress and actually running for president (and is second place of the GOP in most polls). Thus, while both ae horrible, only one has a direct impact on horrible things happening. Palin is basically Glenn Beck, while Bachmann could be George W. Bush.

  12. “And God, in Your infinite wisdom, please pay special attention to footnote 5 on page 347, specifically the clause regarding interstate commerce….”

  13. I prayed for the death of Michelle Bachmann many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.

  14. I’m an atheist – so obviously, people praying to god to help stop or start anything doesn’t make much sense to me. But when religious fanatics/zealots, etc. pray to god to overturn healthcare or gay marriage (as Archbishop Timothy Dolan of NY did last month) or whatever, and said prayers go unanswered, why doesn’t that send any number of message to those praying. Messages such as:

    1) God likes the healthcare bill the way it is
    2) God believes in universal healthcare coverage
    3) God believes that gays should have the right to marry
    4) God does not exist

    I know these questions are boring and I can go on asking them forever without a satisfactory answer. I don’t even care if people are or are not religious. I just don’t understand why it seems to exist without any self awareness, or, awareness at all for that matter.

    • You just dig in deeper and call it the mystery of faith.

      • I went to a ‘debate’ recently sponsored by some ‘hip’ church in town on the subject of faith vs. reason. I was there to support my friend, the philosophy professor defending the reason side against a Christian apologist (a term which always confuses me even though I know what it means: “Yes you should apologize! Oh…. wait…”).

        My philosophy professor friend made lots of great points. The apologist dude got really flustered, ended with something essentially like what you just said whoa! and EVERYONE APPLAUDED. I put on my best “Harriet Winslow look of disapproval” and left. BARF.

  15. the thing that always strikes me about these instances is how this is accepted to be a truly valid form of political expression amongst a large segment of the population. gov. barnes of georgia prayed to bring rain to georgia, gov. perry held a prayer for rain for texas, etc. and obviously a lot of these politicians honestly don’t believe in the separation of church and state because they see church and state as one governing entity. and in a way it makes sense to ask god to not have the government provide healthcare IF you believe that matters of health are god’s purview- the government is trying to overstep their bounds and imitate god, which is a pretty big no-no in their books, since its basically blasphemy and denying the omnipotent will of god.

    • That’s a fair response (assuming you were directly responding to me…). So I guess my follow up question would be what is the annual deductible with god’s healthcare plan. I’m trying to shop around here.

  16. What would Jesus do?

    (Charge everybody he healed, apparently.)

  17. Hi, just wanted to step in saying that there are some Christians who don’t believe that God has any particular interest in American politics (except insofar as Christianity is supposed to teach concern for the poor and an abhorrence of violence, which makes one wonder if Bachmann knows about Christianity anymore than she knows about her hometown). Anyways, there are lots of us, even whole churches of us, we just don’t have TV Stations or megalomania.

  18. Did she actually say anything about health care? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate this bitch and I also could barely listen to the video, but I didn’t hear her say anything about health care reform in there.

    Also, Lilbobbytales, 100 good things come from Minnesota for every one human turd like Bachman.

  19. Canadians have a lot to worry about and a lot they should be concerned about. But I’m really glad that this whole thing here isn’t one of them.

  20. “to and fro”

  21. “Unclean hands, unpure heart, can’t win!” — Coach Michelle Bachmann

  22. But then the NY Times is all like http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/07/health/policy/07medicaid.html and drops the mic and walks away.

    • going to policy school means reading shit like this for months and months and months and making a presentation on your prescribed policies to target poverty and have your professor go, “but will it pass through congress” and wanting to tear your hair out and weep and murder all sorts of people. NOTHING GOOD WILL EVER PASS. that was LITERALLY the first thing they taught me.

  23. This is why my kids aren’t baptized. Also, I was too lazy to fill out that form at that one church.

  24. I was raised Catholic and the translation of the bible in my church/school always made Jesus sound like a bit of a stoner. Then I went to my friend’s protestant church and Jesus came across very angry. I did not like the sounds of angry Jesus, he was scary. The moral of the story is that everything is open to interpretation and nothing is really set in stone. I wish people would get that through their heads.

    Anyway, lately I have stayed away from anything religion-related. This video is one of the reasons. Most people I meet who are self-proclaimed Christians tend to be assholes while most agnostics/atheists/dontgiveashits seem pretty put together. Gross generalization, I know, but that’s my experience.

  25. That dude at the beginning of the video is the creepy asshole from Jesus Camp. He freaks me out, he’s like an evangelical Macho Man Randy Savage (RIP):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mefXbLXlRpw

  26. I wish they would right the Final Testament already. Complete the trilogy and MOVE ON, CHRISTIANS!

  27. Guys, Bachmann is obviously a joke and I love laughing at ridiculous politicians as much as the next person…but I don’t get this one. Maybe I’m watching the wrong video? It was just a bunch of empty religious words and bible quotes about sinfulness, no outright bashing of liberal agendas via prayer. What did I miss?

  28. Matthew 6:5 – 7
    5. And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites [are]: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

    Matthew 23:14
    14 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.

    also:
    1 Corinthians 11:5 – 15
    5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with [her] head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.

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