“As you get older, it can be so hard to find a true friend. So many people either already have a group of friends with their own inside jokes and their complicated intertwined relationships that when you make friends with one person suddenly you have to make friends with lots of people and that’s a whole thing. Other times you meet someone who seems cool but maybe it just doesn’t work out for some reason. And sometimes it’s just plain hard to meet anyone! Friendships aren’t that much different than romantic relationships when you think about it. They’re a huge investment of time and energy and it’s always hard to find one that you really care about and at the end of the day they might just end up being crazy or hurtful or not liking you enough. So what I say is why leave it up to chance? Get yourself a friend that you can rely on. Oh, he might not be perfect, but all I have to do is go find a VCR in the basement, hope that it still works, and BOOM, now I have a friend. He’s even wearing a sweater! I love my new friend because I’m super sad and at this point I don’t things could possibly get any worse.”

-You

“Eek! Whoops! I was wrong! I thought it couldn’t get any worse because of how I was so sad, but then I rented a friend and it totally got worse! I’m even sadder now and also scared!” – Still You. (Via DangerousMinds.)

Comments (25)
  1. This seems like as good a place as any to link to the ad I put on Craigslist when I moved up here at the beginning of the year. I did not get any replies.
    https://post.craigslist.org/manage/2154089777/tnfkx

  2. i need a shower

  3. What do you mean? I would totally invite this guy to my video pizza party. He seems like the perfect guest!

  4. I feel like Sam needs a friend more than anyone.

  5. “Thanks a lot for telling me that, Nancy, now put the fucking lotion in the basket.”

  6. If you want the full experience, watch this in the basement, tied up and duct taped, while a cop bangs on your front door to see if everything is alright.

  7. call me old fashioned, but sometimes, I just need a person to be THERE.

  8. I was going to say that it gets better, but now I’m not quite so sure.

  9. Better execution opportunity:

    Tape inside = Porno; So-called “Friend” = Your hand.

    You can rent him anytime you want! Just not in public, for the love of God NOT IN PUBLIC

  10. I bet that guy masturbates to some weird shit.

  11. Oh, I don’t need to rent a friend when I get to spend all day listening to my very bestest friend of all!

  12. The part where he was about to crawl out of the screen into my house was more terrifying than this:

  13. My name’s Josh and I am never around when my friend’s drop by!


    It’s so frustrating.

  14. Sam: “Hey, what’s your name!”
    me: “raptor jesus! how about you?”
    Sam: “Yeahhhhhhh….”
    me: “. . . . . . .”

  15. If I told you there is a movie that, in terms of production value, acting, levels of uncomfortableness, and even the title and the basic story, is pretty much exactly like this, would you believe me? And also, would it be the Worst Movie Of All Time?

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0201888/

    Oh, and yes. Yes it is.

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