Photos
Over the weekend, Paris Hilton was photographed repeatedly in the company of Todd Phillips, the director of The Hangover Part II because of course she was. This one is just the two of them riding around in a car, but there’s other ones. Like, KISSING ONES! Eek! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Do not click! Now, look, it’s like they say: the heart wants what it wants! And Todd Phillips’s heart wants Paris Hilton. (I am sure it is his heart. It certainly can’t be his brain.) Who are we to judge or criticize the blooming of true love? But just because we abstain from judging or criticizing this disgusting, beautiful thing, doesn’t mean we can’t caption it! Obviously, we know what Paris Hilton is thinking. It’s something like, “I’m going to text my vagina bedazzler and see if she can squeeze me in for an appointment tomorrow between brunch at Christian Audigier’s space station and my 3PM interview with Cocaine Aficionado Magazine.” But what is Todd Phillips thinking?!
Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. That’s hot. Get it? 2003! (Image via ONTD.)
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Could it be? I just added one more to my wolf-pack
Could it be? I just found My New BFF.
Summer 2012′s biggest summer sequel, One Night In Paris In Thailand.
“One Night in Paris: Very Bad Trip”
Midnight in Paris
I finished filming, I don’t need any more hookers for now
What is Todd Phillips thinking? Isn’t that kind of the whole mystery here?
What a weird looking back seat.
This obviously wasn’t a choice. Todd Phillips just woke up one morning in a bathtub full of champagne and vomit or whatever and Paris Hilton was sitting there, and he was like “Well great, now I have to take care of this giant baby Paris Hilton while trying to figure out who she belongs to”.
Yep, I’d say “a bathtub full of champagne and vomit or whatever” pretty much describes Paris Hilton’s vagina pretty well.
“You don’t ALWAYS have to pick up that phone!” – every guy she’s ever been filmed with
Do I know that big fat guy with the beard? Yes Kevin Smith is my best friend
“This is most disgusting shameful presence I’ve ever witnessed, and I made a GG Allin documentary.”
-Todd Phillips, Director and professional Misogynist, Homophobe, and Racist.
“Dating you isn’t even the laziest and worst-conceived thing I’ve done this year” -Todd Phillips
“You’re not even the worst filmmaker I’ve ever dated.” -Paris Hilton
Todd Phillips, one day later: “Worst. Hangover. Ever.”
Paris Hilton, one day later: [texting, to Brett Ratner, probably] “wurst hngovr evr. LOL “,
The Hangover Part III: One Night In Paris
The first had a tiger. The second had a monkey. The third has crabs.
Could be worse*, could be Lohan.
*But not much worse.
Sometimes things just work themselves out.
Can a picture be proof enough of DUI? If so…TP better get on the horn with his lawyer to get this down to reckless op.
“Yes of course I’m tweeting this. It was in the contract wasn’t it?” -PH
This picture is doing nothing to combat my idea that Paris Hilton does absolutely nothing but stare at her phone.
she’s texting a naked Ken Jeong in the trunk.
I can’t think of any memorable lines from The Hangover to use for caption jokes.
Best one I found from IMDB:
“I shouldn’t be here. ”
#nailedit
Friends don’t let Jackasses drive with drunks.
Todd Phillips has a moment of clarity just long enough to attach a hosepipe to the exhaust.
… And to make sure the child proof locks are on.
“Paris Hilton lyrics.”
“Stars are blind.”
Well that would explain it. I wouldn’t quite call him a star, though.
Looking at this picture may cause herpes.
I hope this one wins.
Seriously, you guys, my eyes feel itchy now. Can you catch eye herpes from this photo? Because I think I have it. Definitely eye crabs. Gabe, why are you mad at us? Why?
“Okay damnit, I’m caught stepping out with Paris Hilton. But if I conveniently hide my eyes behind the rear-view mirror they’ll mistake me for Anthony Bourdain. Then no one will pay any attention to this. He eats crazy shit all the time.”
Not a caption, but here are some of the characters that Todd Phillips has played in the movies he’s directed:
“Mr. Creepy”
“Foot Lover on Bus”
“Gang Bang Guy”
“Barry”
COINCIDENCE?!$*#&
Full disclosure: I looked at the kissing pictures!
Me too. Even he looks grossed out by what’s happening in those pictures.
“Is she taking a dick pic?”
“Did someone lace some Levitra in my cocaine?”
On the one hand, [vomit]. But… on the other hand, the hotel expenses for these exotic on-location shoots ARE starting to get a bit steep, and the box office sales surely will not cover them. *sigh.* The things I do for mediocrity.”
“I can’t believe I’m giving myself this handjob”
“Shh, baby I’m on my Sidekick™”
“I can just make out my dignity and self respect fading into oblivion as I look into this rear view mirror.”
Celebrity couple name: Philthon
I think we can all agree that Paris has nothing on this:
AGREED.
“Paris Hilton? That’s Old School!”
How do you tell a guy who just caught Paris Hilton, “be careful not to catch anything”?
“Look, everyone on the internet knows you have a razor. So, why can’t I borrow it???”
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More like bad-looking, very expensive free trans-sport*, amiright Paris & Todd?
*I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean exactly, but it sounds like a good Logo channel game show.
“Now, look, it’s like they say: the heart wants what it wants! And Todd Phillips’s heart wants Paris Hilton. (I am sure it is his heart. It certainly can’t be his brain.)”
I think you overlooked an organ there, Gabe.
“Due Date?” more like “Don’t Date” amiright?
– me, not being as lazy as Todd Phillips
“Good thing it’s legal to drive stoned.”
~Todd Phillips
“Her?”
Boy is he gonna have a hangover when he wakes up in the morning, because he’d been drinking the night before and he also didn’t drunk any water or eat anything so he’ll really have a hangover in the morning and forget he started dating a madame tussaud wax figure of a porn star and then boy will he have egg and mike tyson tattoos on his face!
Do you write the fearnet descriptions?
I’m here for the gang bang.