Hollywood is preparing an Angry Birds movie. NO DOYYYY. To a normal human being, a big-screen adaptation of a cellphone game involving throwing birds into blocks of wood would seem like a ridiculous thing to try and turn into a movie, but you civilians are forgetting one thing that Hollywood has already figured out: people have heard of Angry Birds. So. You know. 100 million dollars. George Clooney is already in talks to star as that one kind of bird that when you tap the screen it changes directions like a boomerang, I’m sure. From thenextweb:

Finnish gaming studio Rovio has announced that it has brought onboard David Maisel, executive producer of blockbuster hits Iron Man 2, Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger to help build the company’s entertain business and produce its Angry Birds films.

Maisel, the former Chairman of Marvel Studios and leader of Marvel’s acquisition by Disney, will serve as a special advisor to Rovio whilst transitioning the company from a gaming company to move into film and television.

Hey! Here’s an idea, Rovio: why don’t you just KEEP BEING A GAMING COMPANY? The only reason I am saying that is because of how YOU JUST MAKE GAMES and DON’T MAKE FILM AND TELEVISION. It just seems like that is why it might make sense for you to keep making games and to keep not making the things you don’t make. How proud is the guy from Marvel, though, huh? “I was able to adapt long-standing, classic comic book characters with a deep wealth of narrative and dramatic history into movie theaters for a new generation of fans, but I’m just excited to turn that $0.99 game for fucking telephones into a goddamned thing now.” His mom was probably like “That is my baby boy,” and hung his suicide note on the refrigerator. (Thanks for the tip, werttrew.)

Comments (32)
  1. Are we sure his belongs in Duh Aficionado? It seems more suited to Bad Ideas Quarterly.

  2. But will it be dark and gritty? Otherwise, no dice.

    • I cannot wait for the ominous ‘Angry Birds’ reboot, written and directed by Christopher Nolan with psychotic bird noises masterfully woven into the epic original score composed by Hans Zimmer with special guest Bono and The Edge

  3. Is there a gif of that kid on the left tackling the other kid? Because that would be better than any movie they could make out of that game. Also, I have found my Halloween costume for this year.

  4. eagerly awaiting the release of Angry Birds: The Movie: The Game

  5. A comprehensive list of ways in which Finland has been represented on Videogum:
    Angry Birds Movie
    Max Payne Movie (based off of a game from a Finland-based designer)
    Poorly translated Porno Switcheroo
    VCR Collection video
    Hot Cats
    Facetaco’s Wife

    Ouch. Go to bed, Finland! (Just kidding if you’re reading this, honey, love you!)

    • Is your wife a pannukakku?

      (This concludes today’s episode of Gobblegirl Googles ‘Finnish Pancake’ So You Don’t Have To. Please tune in next week!).

  6. I can’t wait to see Words with Enemies. I hear it’s going to be an incredible political thriller!

  7. I don’t know. They WOULD make adorable and charming CGI character designs. I can imagine a Pixar-type film around a troop of birds who must take revenge against equally adorable monkeys, or whatever.

    • Personally, I’m hoping for a reality-based existential drama that really gets at the HEART of the Angry Birds world and lack of internal logic therein. Sample scene:

      Red bird: You took our eggs. Prepare to die.

      Pig 1: Okay, I’d like to talk about this for just a second. You know your white friend (not racist) lays eggs all the time, right? But they explode? If you just asked him to stop exploding his eggs, you’d have plenty of them. Also, maybe you could share. You poop a lifetime supply of food out of your butt. If pigs want to eat pigs, we have to kill each other. If birds want to eat birds, all you have to do is poop some out and you can eat. All we want is some of your poop.

      Red bird: Wow. I never thought of it that way.

      Blue birds (in unison): We’ve figured out how to clone each other but for some reason keep running out of eggs anyway! Back to the labs!

      Pig 1: And while we’re at it, maybe you could stop knocking down our houses, because they’re actually really hard to build and require a lot of forethought. I have to find all of these stones, and pieces of wood, and blocks of ice that never melt, and it’s all very taxing. And then you just knock them down. For eggs. Eggs! THERE ARE SO MANY EGGS and sometimes you even get two eggs in one when you crack them open.

      Pig 2: I’m wearing a cowboy hat for some reason?

      Red bird: I see your point. I’ll just call my friends and tell them to—

      Green bird: BOOOMMMERRANNNNG!

      Pig 1: I’m upside down now. Awesome. Very good situation to be in, with no house and being upside down. You guys are great.

  8. I preferred the original, to be honest.

  9. Guys, don’t worry. I felt the same way when they announced there was going to be a Super Mario Bros. movie, and it all worked out!

  10. It could be set in South America somewhere, for some Latin flavor?

  11. “Sir, we’ve spent an exhaustive number of months observing glass, stone, and different types of wooden boards in their natural habitat. We just want to get every little detail right.” -the animators

    “Like I really give 2 shits.” -David Maisel

  12. Can’t wait for Word Mole, starring Nicholas Cage.

  13. Just leaked image from new film:

  14. My dream of making Oregon Trail: The Movie is one step closer to being realized.

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