Chet Haze! BEST RAPPER ALIVE! Did you guys hear that Lil Wayne and Jay-Z have both decided to retire and never rap again because something something Chet Haze? I read it on mediatakeout.com, which is a very good website. Anyway, Chet Haze played a concert last night! Oh to be a fly on the wall at the Chet Haze concert! (Flies don’t have ears, right? They can’t hear anything? Perfect.) His father, Tom Hanks was there, and also Rita Wilson! You know, for as much fun as we all like to have with these guys, it is nice to see a dad being there for his child. Admittedly, the dad is Tom Hanks and the child is Chet Haze and that will never not be hilarious, but you know what I mean. Gawker actually had a “reporter” (I’m sure) in attendance. You can see a cell phone video of the show over there, but here is a brief description of the night:

The show was not particularly off the hook. I was disappointed with the length, especially since he didn’t go on until almost 1:00, and with the fact that he was clearly rapping and singing over his recordings. I would have been more impressed if he didn’t need such backup. Also, it would have been more off the hook if he brought those sexy dancers out earlier instead of at the end of his last song.

I [took a picture] with him. After the picture was taken, he asked me, “How did you like me?” I replied, “Oh, you were amazing.” Then he walked away.

Haha. PEACE OUT! I bet Chet Haze carries spare microphones around with him so that after he asks someone “How did you like me?” he can just drop a mic and walk off whatever stage he is most certainly on. The show could have been more “off the hook,” though. (SIDENOTE: I did not know people still described things as being “off the hook”! Good to know. Pretty sure that is how my mom describes grocery stores.) Oh well. Better luck next time, Chet Haze! Daddy loves you!

Comments (44)
  1. “Yo! Pops never gave me shit! I earned my [Larry] Crowne, [opening July 1]. — Chet Haze

  2. I like the second use of “off the hook” the best. I’m sure she briefly considered using “da bomb” instead, but decided to stick with what works.

    P.S. It is weird that she thinks bringing out the sexy dancers earlier would have made it “more off the hook.” I’m not sure that this reporter had her mind on the right aspects of the concert.

  3. Dad looks like he’s having a super (I mean “off the hook”) time in all of those pictures.

  4. I had a dream I saw a super psychedelic, educational film about the big bang with chet haze and colin hanks. Chet Haze described the movie as being “epic.” #nojokes.

  5. “I was disappointed with the length, especially since he didn’t go on until almost 1:00. I would have been more impressed if he didn’t need such backup. Also, it would have been more off the hook if he brought those sexy dancers out earlier instead of at the end. He asked me, “How did you like me?” I replied, “Oh, you were amazing.” Then he walked away.”

    There, fixed it.

  6. Chet Haze: making it easier for other rappers.

  7. Okay, so that photo of Rita Wilson? That is the most mom pose to ever mom in all of momdom. I can’t make fun of this! MATER FAMILIAS-RELATED GUILT OVERPOWERS ME!

  8. I would be very embarrassed to rap in front of my parents…because I would know what they were thinking. They would be thinking I’m an idiot…

  9. Well, to be fair, Jay-Z doesn’t have to sing the rap songs anymore thanks to his successful blogging career.

    Chet Haze — now more street than Jay-Z (and with less Paltrow!)

  10. Fingers crossed that Tom Hanks is his ghostwriter.

  11. Worst Big Boi concert ever.

  12. “Rita Wilson was very believable as the clueless mother who was in complete denial about her son.” — Actual quote from THE BLOGS about her guest spot on Law & Order SVU that totally makes more sense now

  13. Colin Hanks should stick to acting!

  14. This is going to sound weird, but Chet Hanks is sorta winning me over. Don’t get me wrong, after watching that video, ALL OF THE BARF came out of my mouth. Obviously. But there’s something about someone pursuing their passion that hits a soft spot for me. It doesn’t really seem like he’s trying to take advantage of his family’s name (admittedly, it would be strange for an aspiring rapper to take tout the fact that his dad was the star of Turner’s Got Mail in Seattle). He just seems like a kid who really wants to be a rapper and is absolutely terrible at it, which in it’s own way is slightly endearing. But only a little bit. Guys, stop throwing those tomatoes, they’re rotten and they smell bad!

  15. Did everyone see the Adam Pally sketch on Funny or Die last week in which he asks Colin Hanks if Chet Haze based his life on Malibu’s Most Wanted? Because that was just solid gold A+ comedy.

  16. I learned some genetics in high school, so I think what we have here is parents with recessive douche genes coming together and creating the ultimate douche. Because Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson seem like the nicest people ever.

  17. OK, quick poll. Who’s more ridiculous: people who go to An Evening with Charlie Sheen and get mad that he’s generally incoherent or someone who goes to a Chet Haze ‘concert’ and is disappointed by its brevity?

  18. “It would have been more off the hook if he had done some of his earlier stuff, and not just his hits. But I guess you need to give the people what they want” — No one at this show.

  19. yo son, where you be gettin that fly dope gear? Fruit of the Loom? i gots to cop me some of that.
    -Chet Haze

  20. First song: “IIIIII’M BLACK Y’ALL, AND IM BLACK YALL, AND IM BLACKETY BLACK AND IM BLACK YALL.”

  21. I think I would like this guy about a hundred times more if he had a big volleyball-shaped chain that said “TOM HANKS’ KID” on it in diamonds

  22. I just want him to mirror Vanilla Ice’s rise to the top of rapdom. Then three months later he can cap off a successful career by starring in his own movie titled Cool as Chet.

  23. Wow kinda interesting. im gonna have you research his music. but speaking of Lil Wayne and Jay Z. Check out some of their mixtapes on http://www.entertainment-always.com

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