If you’ve been anywhere on the internet in the past week or so, you’ve no doubt seen lots of speculation about what J.K. Rowling’s Pottermore website was actually going to be. Another Harry Potter book? An announcement that you can buy the books again as eBooks, congratulations? A statement confirming the widely* held belief that Harry, Ron, and Hermione are all actually the same person, it makes sense if you go back and read the books again with that in mind, they’re never really talking TO each other, oh my goodness, my mind is blown? Or was it going to be some sort of interactive game/online store basically? (Dingdingdingdingdingdingding):

Still kind of confusing, though. So, there are going to be RPG-type games you can play while you read the books, right? And eBooks for you to buy? And information about the world of Harry Potter that J.K. has been “hoarding for years,” take it easy, J.K., it all just comes from your brain? I don’t know. I don’t want to be down on any Potteries, which is what you call yourselves I imagine, but this doesn’t seem that exciting to me. It kind of just seems like an eBook store with a few extras. But I can see how it would be exciting to you, maybe! And a good way to squeeze a little more Harry Potter mania out of the world after the movies are all finished. So, great. I hope you’re excited, genuinely. We only have a couple of years on the planet, we should all be excited about things all the time. Call me when P.G. Wodehouse does this for the world of Jeeves and Wooster or, more honestly, when Amy Sherman-Palladino does this for the world of Gilmore Girls.

*No one holds this belief. (YET.) (The truth is out there.)
Comments (40)
  1. I admit, I scoff a little now, but there would be good money on betting that when registration opens to all in October, I will be the first in the figurative line, wearing a Ravenclaw scarf and not leaving my computer for three weeks.

    Also, I will likely squeal if anything relating to Remus Lupin is uncovered. I loves me some Remus Lupin.

    • I have a Ravenclaw scarf too! Want to stand next to me in the e-line?

    • “And Dobby the fucking irritating elf thing died and they were all heartbroken and spent an entire chapter mourning their slimy little acquaintance. Then their favourite teacher and Harry’s final remaining link to his parents died heroically leaving behind an infant son and they were all ‘Meh.’ ” -J.K. Rowling

      I still haven’t forgiven you, J.K.

    • More Marauders information for all, please, Jo! (Sirius4lyfe)

  2. Huh, huzzah?

    In other news, Cars 2 does not seem to be fairing well with the critics, and while I wasn’t expecting great things, a 44% on Rotten Tomatoes is a bummer. Why am I putting this on here? No idea. Freedom of speech or something.

  3. I bet this is all some sort of elaborate ploy to make money.

    • I bet you’re right (except about it being elaborate, I think it’s a pretty straightforward ploy to make money).

      • To be fair to Ms Rowling, she’s reached a position of supersaturated personal wealth, so that she isn’t going to ever be placed in a situation that makes her uncomfortable for any amount of money. If she is doing this there must be at least an aspect of her that is happy doing it for the pure altruistic pleasure. She seems (as much as any semblance of reality can penetrate the opaque lens of a PR dictated celebrity image) like a genuinely caring person, and could honestly want to give thanks to an unbearable eager fanbase.

        Obviously the publishing house is a corporation, and therefore has an insatiable appetite for money, but J.K has pretty much had her fill.

  4. When I was thirteen I loved the Harry Potter books. I read them so much! Then the movie came out and I hated it, along with all the crappy tie-in merchandise. I hated all of it, because it didn’t look like how I ‘d imagined. I got over it a little and have seen most of the movies, but anything like this makes my skin crawl. It’s just another way to make a buck.

    All this is to say I love the Harry Potter books, but leave me out of everything else. I am an old lady, I like words on paper, thank you very much.

    • I’ve seen all of the movies on cable, and honestly, I can’t remember a single thing about the last few. I’m pretty sure there were spells and stuff, and some people we thought were good turned out to not be good and vice versa, but that’s about it.

      Oh, and I remember that Jarvis Cocker was in one of them.

    • I agree – the movies always seemed pretty bland to me, and I enjoyed reading the books about 10000x more. BUT I have to say I saw part one of the last film and it totally rocked. I’m glad I was bored on a Sunday afternoon and went to see it with my mom!

      • I never read any of the books and I have only seen the movie where the other schools meet up for a tri-wizard sporting event thing. I could not believe how dull it seemed. I mean, that’s gotta be partly my fault for having no idea what how the characters were related to each other, but a movie should sort of be able to stand on its own merits, shouldn’t it?

        Though in fairness to the Potter movies, I don’t know how clear the plot of Back to the Future 2 would be without having seen BTtF first…

        • I think after the third movie, the Potter films really stopped trying to stand on their own to people with no book/prior series knowledge which I think is fair enough. If you’re watching Movie 4 of 8 of a continuous story, I don’t think you’d be there if you didn’t care enough to know the context (or are a parent forced to pretend to care but that’s when you take a theatre nap like my dad, thanks for taking me to all the HP things ever, dad!!!).

    • Yes! I love the HP books very much but the movies were awful. BUT! I don’t know the exact details of what Pottermore might be, but the idea of reading the books and “interacting” with them sounds like it could be genuinely fun and delightful!

      Then again, they could turn out like the movies.

  5. i’m totally claiming mayor of stars hollow right now!

  6. I hate the name – “Pottermore”. How hard was that to come up with in the board room? “We want more Potter! I know! Potter, but more! Pottermore!”

    Ugh. This can have all my ughs.

  7. Yes, she’s definitely shaking the trees for more $$$$. But I still want to see the site. Now where’s that owl….

  8. I am slightly dissapointed, i was hoping she was straight up going to do an online Harry Potter encyclopedia but this seems a bit anticlimactic. As long as theres new information to be learnt though i can’t say i’m completley upset.

    #WizardComplaints

    • Your hopes were super modest; I was hoping she would announce a new book, maybe a prequel or continuation!

      #NaiveWizardExpectations

      • Too far waitingforguffman, the day Rowling does an 8th book is the day Gabe admits his secret crush on Paltrow. But we can all dream yes. My friend was hoping for a RPG all out world of warcraft harry potter game. I am so fucking glad that didn’t go through.

  9. I await Ms Rowling’s response to the allegations of plagiarism…

  10. ̶#̶W̶i̶z̶a̶r̶d̶C̶o̶m̶p̶l̶a̶i̶n̶t̶s̶ #nerdcomplaints — ed. note

  11. I’m sorry, but I’m having trouble understanding this. Does “Pottermore” mean that ordinary people such as YOU and I get to write OURSELVES in the story? This sounds like “Harry Potter Mad Libs” to me.

  12. I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. I was admiring the crazy paper sculptures which are really pretty.

  13. Kelly, why are you writing about Harry Potter when you haven’t read any of the books?

  14. Gilmoremore!

  15. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • the whomping willow was mentioned in the first book and house elves are generally unseen workers but the one harry met was rogue which introduced them to their universe

      (everything you mentioned except the tree was based on existing mythology, yes even the sock thing)

  16. I can’t hear anyone over the sound of my unbridled excitement!!!

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