I owe Tom Hanks an apology. A PUBLIC APOLOGY. You see, over the years, I had grown to dislike Tom Hanks. Isn’t that just classic me? I think it all started when I watched The Terminal dubbed in French and someone was like “Qu’est-ce que c’est dans ton coffee can?” and he said “C’est le JAZZ!” Had you been there, I think you would have decided to hate Tom Hanks, too. But the truth of the matter is that even though I haven’t really liked a single Tom Hanks movie in forever because they are always broad and corny and have sappy endings and really just aren’t very good or at the very least are not for me (although fingers crossed for Larry Crowne, right everybody?) you have to admit that as a celebrity he is VERY LIKABLE! The guy is always upbeat in a way that feels genuine, the way you would expect a millionaire movie star to be upbeat. Up and at ‘em! No day like today! Life sure is a magical adventure! Etc! Not, it should be noted, in that wearying way that some millionaire movie stars are upbeat because they spent all night rehearsing “upbeat” and then woke up before their alarm and rubbed an entire jar of vaseline on their teeth. He’s having fun! And he does produce very good World War II mini-series for HBO. So, I am sorry, Tom Hanks. I am sorry that I confused C’EST LE JAZZ with who you are as a human being. You seem very nice. I hope that’s true. In either case, keep enjoying yourself. You earned it.
Meanwhile, something something joke about Chet Haze! (Video via Vulture.)