I owe Tom Hanks an apology. A PUBLIC APOLOGY. You see, over the years, I had grown to dislike Tom Hanks. Isn’t that just classic me? I think it all started when I watched The Terminal dubbed in French and someone was like “Qu’est-ce que c’est dans ton coffee can?” and he said “C’est le JAZZ!” Had you been there, I think you would have decided to hate Tom Hanks, too. But the truth of the matter is that even though I haven’t really liked a single Tom Hanks movie in forever because they are always broad and corny and have sappy endings and really just aren’t very good or at the very least are not for me (although fingers crossed for Larry Crowne, right everybody?) you have to admit that as a celebrity he is VERY LIKABLE! The guy is always upbeat in a way that feels genuine, the way you would expect a millionaire movie star to be upbeat. Up and at ‘em! No day like today! Life sure is a magical adventure! Etc! Not, it should be noted, in that wearying way that some millionaire movie stars are upbeat because they spent all night rehearsing “upbeat” and then woke up before their alarm and rubbed an entire jar of vaseline on their teeth. He’s having fun! And he does produce very good World War II mini-series for HBO. So, I am sorry, Tom Hanks. I am sorry that I confused C’EST LE JAZZ with who you are as a human being. You seem very nice. I hope that’s true. In either case, keep enjoying yourself. You earned it.

Meanwhile, something something joke about Chet Haze! (Video via Vulture.)

Comments (56)
  1. El diablo blanco y morado!

  2. I waited 3 minutes and 5 seconds to see some chopsticks, Hanks. WHERE WAS THE CHOPSTICKS?!

  3. Mi nombre es thisismynightmare.

  4. So this is how they do the weather in Mexico? Just dance and never talk about cold fronts? I love Mexico

  5. Welcome to the Disney Monorail. For the safety of you and others, please stand clear of the dancing Hanks. Por favor mantengase alejado del bailando Hanks.

  6. RT @TomHanks! Get #GETAPPRAISED. by Gabe.

  7. I really want Gabe to say, “Isn’t that just classic me?” every time he writes about how he doesn’t like something.

  8. I like her tush.

  9. I had no chance of even remotely figuring out what was going on there, let alone pick up on a Chet Haze refernce. Can someone fill me in? What am I missing?

  10. I’ll just assume ‘Despierta America’ means ‘Desperate America’. DANCE, AMERICAN ACTOR! DANCE FOR US, YOU FOOL! #BachelorParty

  11. ¿Como se dice “pranks”?

  12. One of the weirdest experiences of my life: Hired by TNT to do the press junket for Bonfire of the Vanities. All of us were brought to a screening the night before and all of us left the theater absolutely miserable. Then, the next day we were escorted to the hotel suite where we had to individually interview Brian DePalma, Bruce Willis and Tom Hanks. Time to work on our acting chops: “Loved the movie Brian.” “Terrific casting!” “You were wonderful Bruce.” etc. DePalma looked suicidal. Willis was a total dick. And Tom Hanks was the nicest, warmest, most genial person I had ever met. It felt completely genuine. But, yeah, most of his movies have sucked since Splash and Big.

  13. Awwwwww, i was expecting HIM to reference Chet Haze.

  14. I worked on a set with Tom Hanks (SNL a few years ago). In between takes he cracked jokes to entertain the kids who were acting as extras because it gets boring and they get tired. He was incredibly down-to-earth. Good to know you can still be successful in Hollywood as a nice person.

  15. apropos of nothing, (nothing other than gabe using the phrase correctly in the above) one of my facebook friends said “up and adam” the other day.

  16. I’ve recently begun working* on a theory, that not on a looks level, or maybe even a talent level(though he is very talented), but just on a being the absolute best and most loveable guy around level, Tom Hanks might be our generation’s Paul Newman. I won’t know for sure until I’ve tried his lemonade.

    *working=just kind of rambling about it to whoever will listen

  17. Hmm. Gabe used to not like Tom Hanks. Then this past week on The Best Show on WFMU w/Tom Scharpling, Tom Scharpling starts a topic for callers about likable/unlikable celebrities and Hanks gets high marks by all. Then Gabe writes a blog about Tom Hanks being likable, posts a fun video showing him being just that, and apologizes for not thinking Tom Hanks was likable even though his movies have not been very good lately. Coincidence? You be the judge. Also, everyone should listen to the Best Show.

  18. So, like, are we thinking her badonkadonk is padded or is it real? If it’s real, then I have a slow clap for her.

  19. Guys I saw Chet Haze the other day! I was crossing Sheridan in front of Kellogg and I looked up because I was about to walk into someone and it was Chet and he looked at me and we both kinda moved to the side so as to accommodate each others walking patterns and then I got to the sidewalk on the other side of the street and went on with my day. True story!

  20. No no no no no no no no. What I said was, is LIKE Sony guts.

    Disco! Disco!

  21. I like that Hanks appears to have absolutely no idea what’s going on and is just desperately attempting to keep up. Somehow reminded of Avery Jessup on Mad Money – “Is one of you Jim Kramer!?”

  22. I always had non-specific fond feelings for Tom Hanks because of watching “Bosom Buddies” reruns growing up, but when he was on Stephen Colbert’s USO special helping him box up puppies and ice cream for the troops I was like “Yes. he is OK.”

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