Now that it’s summer, all the big movies are actually coming out in the theaters, so the movie trailers are for smaller movies. That’s OK! Smaller movies are good! Also, that’s only half true. This week there is another (and final) trailer for Harry Potter, a trailer for a Brad Pitt movie, and a trailer for the new Muppets movie, all of which seem pretty big, so what am I even talking about? This isn’t about me! It’s about the movie trailers! Let’s watch them:
Last Harry Potter trailer ever:
We don’t really need to get into this again, do we, nerds? Enjoy! It looks like fun, I guess! You’ll probably cry, so bring tissues. For your big nerd tears.
Did you read this book? By Michael Lewis? It was a pretty interesting book, and I do not actually care about sports or baseball or California. I don’t know how it will be as a movie, but guys, it’s time we face the facts: Brad Pitt is really good at being in movies. So, it’s got that going for it. Then there’s the whole Jonah Hill thing, but, you know, you win some you lose some. They can’t all be home hits sometimes they’re on-point double ups. (Sports talk.)
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Obviously, this movie is not really for us. But did you know that our good friend Jenny Slate is going to be in this? That is exciting! But also this is still definitely not really for us, and by “not really” I mean “at all.”
The Muppets: Being Green
Another day, another Muppets trailer parody. The part where Jason Segal makes a self-aware reference to the fact that all the trailers for this have been parodies and they haven’t actually released a real trailer is not that cute. It’s kind of annoying. Like, yeah, you’re right. So why don’t you cut it out and show us what is up?
Attack the Block
GUYS, THIS LOOKS GREAT! Amidst all of the talk of who would win in a fight between cowboys and predators and aliens and robots and zombies, we have forgotten about the CHAVS! This looks so good. I love it already. If it disappoints me I’ll cry like when you guys cried at Harry Potter and the We Already Know What Happens.
Beneath the Darkness
Hahhahaha. No. I’m a little confused by this. Like, how come when Dennis Quaid says “Stairs can be very bad for your health,” or whatever he says, how come the director didn’t shout “CUT! THIS MOVIE IS CANCELED TOO DUMB!”? I do like the part where that one guy is just NOT convinced and needs a LOT of convincing from his friends, but in real time. That part of the movie is apparently 48 hours long.
This looks like Brown Bunny but without the blowjob. Just kidding! This might have a blowjob in it, what do I know? Also: Brown Bunny was really good. I don’t know why people are so mad about that movie. The blowjob scene was ridiculous, but everything before that was beautiful and quiet and pretty smartly done.