Now that it’s summer, all the big movies are actually coming out in the theaters, so the movie trailers are for smaller movies. That’s OK! Smaller movies are good! Also, that’s only half true. This week there is another (and final) trailer for Harry Potter, a trailer for a Brad Pitt movie, and a trailer for the new Muppets movie, all of which seem pretty big, so what am I even talking about? This isn’t about me! It’s about the movie trailers! Let’s watch them:

Last Harry Potter trailer ever:

We don’t really need to get into this again, do we, nerds? Enjoy! It looks like fun, I guess! You’ll probably cry, so bring tissues. For your big nerd tears.

Moneyball

Did you read this book? By Michael Lewis? It was a pretty interesting book, and I do not actually care about sports or baseball or California. I don’t know how it will be as a movie, but guys, it’s time we face the facts: Brad Pitt is really good at being in movies. So, it’s got that going for it. Then there’s the whole Jonah Hill thing, but, you know, you win some you lose some. They can’t all be home hits sometimes they’re on-point double ups. (Sports talk.)

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

Obviously, this movie is not really for us. But did you know that our good friend Jenny Slate is going to be in this? That is exciting! But also this is still definitely not really for us, and by “not really” I mean “at all.”

The Muppets: Being Green

Another day, another Muppets trailer parody. The part where Jason Segal makes a self-aware reference to the fact that all the trailers for this have been parodies and they haven’t actually released a real trailer is not that cute. It’s kind of annoying. Like, yeah, you’re right. So why don’t you cut it out and show us what is up?

Attack the Block

GUYS, THIS LOOKS GREAT! Amidst all of the talk of who would win in a fight between cowboys and predators and aliens and robots and zombies, we have forgotten about the CHAVS! This looks so good. I love it already. If it disappoints me I’ll cry like when you guys cried at Harry Potter and the We Already Know What Happens.

Beneath the Darkness

Hahhahaha. No. I’m a little confused by this. Like, how come when Dennis Quaid says “Stairs can be very bad for your health,” or whatever he says, how come the director didn’t shout “CUT! THIS MOVIE IS CANCELED TOO DUMB!”? I do like the part where that one guy is just NOT convinced and needs a LOT of convincing from his friends, but in real time. That part of the movie is apparently 48 hours long.

Bellflower

This looks like Brown Bunny but without the blowjob. Just kidding! This might have a blowjob in it, what do I know? Also: Brown Bunny was really good. I don’t know why people are so mad about that movie. The blowjob scene was ridiculous, but everything before that was beautiful and quiet and pretty smartly done.

Comments (15)
  1. Alvin And The Chipmunks: We’re Just Going To Keep Doing These As Long As You Keep Giving Us Money

  2. I found Jason’s meta line cute Gabe, don’t tell me what’s cute and what’s annoying, also might have gasped a bit when I saw Statler and Waldorf working with the bad guy

    • I agree. I don’t need to be sold on the plot, really; I just want to know that it’ll be funny and have the Muppets in it. And parody trailers tell me both of those things.

  3. If I had a time machine I’d definitely kill Hitler, but only if there was enough gas left in the engine after I killed whoever first pitched the Worlds of Fun Ride Warrior ads.

  4. Spoiler alert on Moneyball: The Oakland A’s are in last place this year.

  5. The red band trailer for Attack the Block is even better. My favorite exchange:

    “We’re going to Ron’s weed room. It’s the safest place in the block.”
    “What’s Ron’s weed room?”
    “It’s a big room, full of weed, and it’s Ron’s.”

  6. That Harry Potter trailer would have been better with liberal use of Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out (for the Summer).”

  7. Brad Pitt, PS Hoffman, Andy from Parks and Rec, Advice like DONT GO TO THE INTERNET AND DONT TALKT TO PEOPLE? SOLD!!!

  8. I still think it’s weird Bobby Kotick is in a movie. Good for him? I guess the video game money was running low.

  9. Baseball v. Wizards / Puppets v. ‘Munks / Bellflowers v. Zombies

  10. For the first half of the Beneath the Darkness trailer, I thought it was random clips from the movie taken out of context for hilarity.

  11. As one of those British types that live over that big pond in Britain-land, I saw Attack of the Block a few weeks ago and quite enjoyed the whole thing.

    HOWEVER, it’s not quite the OUTRAGEOUS COMEDY that it seems; definitely gets a little horror-ific as it goes on…

    Also, you HAVE TO CHECK OUT the director Joe Cornish who is one half of Adam & Joe, two comedians who used to have a British cult TV show and now present the funniest show in the world (a proven scientific fact) on BBC6Music.

    http://www.youtube.com/user/AdamBuxton

  12. http://www.benzlogo.com/

    I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport

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