The other day I was listening to All Songs Considered on NPR (“ladies”) and one of the guys on the show said, “I wish I did anything as well as Glenn Kotche [drummer of Wilco] plays the drums.” And at first I was like, Yes. But then I was like, Well, that’s what Glenn Kotche does for a living. Of course you would want to do anything as well as what a person who is very good at what they do for a living does for a living. Right? “I wish I could do anything as well as Bill Gates makes Microsoft.” “I wish I could do anything as well as Mr. McDonalds sells McDonalds hamburgers.” You’re the worst, All Songs Considered! Just kidding! You’re fine! Move on, Kelly! So anyway what I’m saying here is: I wish I could do anything as well as Bob Munden pulls a gun out of his holster and shoots it really fast!

“Can you give a comparison to something that would come close but is not as fas–” “SPEED OF LIGHT.” (Via Reddit.)

PS: Also, “It’s a number we’re not familiar with. There’s really nothing to compare it to.”

Comments (36)
  1. “Sew, old woman! Sew like the wind!” – Ned Nederlander, the original gangsta of quick draw

  2. Does anyone else hate the girl in these bing ads on the side here? (File under: don’t know where to put this)

  3. And do you have any particular skills that you think make you a better fit for this job Mr. Munden?
    I can fire a gun really fast
    And that is an important skill for a kindergarten teacher in what way?

  4. “Wow, that’s fast”
    “There Really Isn’t Anything you Can Compare it With”

  5. Valid argument, but I can prove that your reasoning is flawed:

    “I wish I did anything as well as Meg White plays the drums.”

    Case: RESTED.

  6. Well, this gentleman is quite proud of himself.

  7. Think you can take me? Well, go ahead on. It’s your mo(BANG!) – Final Justi(BANG!)

  8. nothing to compare it to huh? it’s of a minuscule enough amount to warrant comparison to his humility..

    ps – he’s really fucking fast..

  9. Those are really tight pants.

  10. I feel like there is a premature ejaculation joke lurking in this story.

  11. I’m worried that in his effort to be so fast, one day he didn’t pull out of the holster all the way (TWSS) and shot himself in the leg

  12. If this guy took Timothy Olyphant’s role the show would be called “J-”

  13. sure, he’s a crazy-fast shooter, but he’s obviously not good at any of the other skills needed to be a decent cop. if he were anywhere close to competent he might have a real badge, or at least one made out of something better than wood?

  14. Queeeksdraw McGraw!!!!

  15. Whatever, anyone who follows 1980′s competitive quickdraw knows that Ernie Hill is like, WAY faster…at least according to SPORTS ILLUSTRATED (?!?):

    Ernie Hill, 33, of Litchfield Park, Ariz., is in fact the world-record holder for fast draw, with a time of .208 of a second, squeezed off in 1982 in Fort Worth. He is apoplectic in his criticism of Munden: “None of his claims are true. He was never the world champ at anything.”

  16. Are we sure there is no magic involved here? I feel like that gun has to be the Sword of Destiny of the firearm world.

  17. UH isn’t he shooting right at the camera man when hes shooting for the two balloons?

    • I was just going to say the same thing. I suppose the camera is actually between the two balloons, so he’d be shooting to either side of the camera? I don’t think I’d be all that eager to trust his aim, though.

  18. aaaaand cut to waves crashing… yes. We got it.

  19. I’d like to shoot him in the back! Get it? Do you get it? It’s a joke! LOL

  20. “I can confirm that this is a number we are not familiar with; it is unique.There is truly nothing like it.”

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