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It’s weird how you always kind of assume that all the celebrities are in some wonderful mansion somewhere having a really great time, frolicking in a swimming pool filled with champagne and eating double scoops of caviar out of $150 sugar cones. But then you tell yourself that this isn’t really the case. They have to get up at the break of dawn to get to the makeup trailer to have their silicone faces buffed out, and tomorrow there is the Morning Zoo Radio Bumper series they have to do for 13,000 affiliate stations, and after that they’ve got to annul last weekend’s marriage. Surely, being a celebrity is actually much more difficult and much less glamorous than it seems what with the loss of privacy and the unshakable fear that the world will discover you’re a fraud and the ever-looming Damaclesian Sword of your impending and inevitable irrelevance. We all experience some dark nights from time to time, but I bet celebrities’s dark nights are the darkerest. At least, that’s what you think. Then you see a photo that reminds you, nope, you were right the first time, they are all hanging out and it’s incredible. So much fun. Have you tried the lobster pizza and the truffle ice cream? Jeff Goldblum simply MUST give you a tour of the place just as soon as he’s finished depositing these checks into his personal ATM. Oh, fames.
Caption this photo of Jeff Goldblum playing piano for Jane Lynch and Zooey Deschanel. Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, which is how Colin Farrell got his start. Click through to enlarge. (Image via Buzzfeed.)
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I’m sorry, guys; all I can see in this picture is an open mouth.
Goldblum, Lynch and Deschanel celebrate after placing a successful order for a Happy Hot Dog Man.
All I can think about is the concentric ripples about to be formed in Zooey’s glass from impact tremors. I’M FAIRLY ALARMED HERE.
“Are we having fun yet?”
“Yes. Yes we are.”
If Goldblum was going to remake La Dolce Vida, they’d have to call it La DOUCHE de Vivre.
If Deschanel was going to remake it, they’d have to call it La Dolce VINO.
If Lynch was going to remake it, they’d have to call it The Sweet Life, OR AT LEAST IT WAS TILL PARTY DOWN WAS CANCELLED
.
This terrible joke brought to you by Internet Commenter Weekly.
I look terrible in that picture.
Fake.
Rarely would someone think that the original Italian poster for La Dolce Vita is not pretentious enough. That’s gotta be Goldblum’s house.
Celebrities really are just like u… wait. Actually drinking wine from a plastic cup and playing the piano is pretty normal.
Well la dee dah, mister fancypants. Look at you, pouring your wine out of the bottle before you drink it!
Well, not to brag or anything but every once in a while I use an actual wine glass. I keep it next to my diamond studded cocaine chalice and black market moon rock.
Gwyneth?
Sorry that some of us just have to get down on our knees and drink wine straight out of the hand-carved mahogany box.
I prefer to drink mine out of a can. I feel it is conducive to my violent hand gestures when I speak.
Guys, let’s do shots and get crazy!
Oh, That One. Beating me to the plastic cup joke. Always the bridesmaid never the Ball over here.
HEY HUCK I’VE GOT SOME—wait, surely by now Monsters must’ve used up all the “Monster Balls” jokes forever, right? Nevermind.
“This is a little…uh… haha…a… uh… little, uh, ditty that I like… uh, like to call… uh ‘Tie a, uh, a… yellow… uh.. ribbon. Yes. A ribbon’”
I hope this one wins.
Damn, son, looks like the Winwood endorsement carries some weight around here! Facetaco/Winwood in 2012?
Not pictured: M. Ward shinning everyone’s shoes.
We’re in for either the best movie ever, or the worst orgy ever.
Didn’t Requiem for a Dream do both of those?
I’d like one ticket to Lafftown. Fondue cheddar’s buying.
You know who was at your birthday party? Not Jane Lynch and not Zooey Deschanel, that’s who. Jeff Goldblum was there for a little while, but he wouldn’t stop talking about Apple products. And you cried for most of it because the cake icing was wrong. Now be quiet and eat your beans. — Your mom
I think Jeff Goldblum might be sad that the camera diverted everyone’s attention from his song.
“Oh, a plastic cup for wine. Why don’t you just club me with a brontosaurus bone and drag me back to your mastodon cave by my hair right now and get it over with?”
dino droppings
These people make more money than God and that’s not a Steinway grand? Pah! -Me, piano technician
His piano skills are so (the) fly
Well, until his fingernails come out.
Zooey Deschanel sings… AGAIN.
Guys, guys, I was TOTALLY in a musical. This is a little something called “He’s Packing His Trunk”.
Jeff Goldblum is no longer the only one watching you poop.
(sorry)
That crooked lampshade is driving me crazy.
A gaunt-looking Sally Jessy Raphael (center) is shown just moments before rushing off to Google, “Best way to remove red wine stain from white carpeting”.
Good morning, good morning! It’s great to stay up late (as long as we don’t run out of cocaine)!
“Actually, I can’t wait to get out of here.” – The piano
“I make better vibrations than that T-Rex ladies”
isnt there some old death cab song that talks about drinking wine from paper cups or something like that? so yeah, um clever quip about that (insert here)
If only we knew the lyrics to what they were singing…LIPSYNCH ENHANCE:
This comment won the competition… for my heart.
Briefly filling my brain’s RAM caching with ACTUAL NICKELBACK LYRICS is now vindicated, Brucie.
I hope Gabe picks this one just because you used Impact.
Wait, Photoshop has other fonts besides Impact?
Who farted?
College: It Never Really Ends.
Jeff’s dorm room was the hottest on the 9th floor of hollywood hall that night. John Mayer with his dreamy guitar sulked in his empty single by the elevators….
I kind of don’t have anything snarky to say because I like these people. Well, OK I definitely like Zooey Deschanel the least. Happy?
Oh baby Jeff, Jeff’s got what they need, but they say he’s just a friend, but they say he’s just a friend…
She & She & Him Vol. 3
is Lil’ B your avatar?! one million upvotes for you
#basedgum
A glimpse into the worst/best corner of a Wax Museum ever.
Taste the biscuit. Taste the goodness of the biscuit…
Close?
Close enough for me!
The State makes me so happy.
They may be laughing now, but little do they know – they have both just been impregnated by Goldbloom without even realizing it.
Three raw material enthusiasts in the studio, recording the new jingle for Cotton.
Looks like they’re FLYing by the seat of their pants making a GLEEful noise with THE NEW GIRL!
(I hate myself)
I was born to love you / I was born to lick your face / I was born to rub you / but you were born to rub me first /… What do you say we take this out on the patio? No? I heard you Earth Girls were Easy…
I was at this party. From my Facebook:
[IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/2zri2dz.jpg[/IMG]
And again:
Not pictured: Your miserable fucking life.
Uh… oh-kayyy.
Nice to meet you too, I guess. :/
Has “La Douceur de Vivre” been said yet? I think it should be “La Douceur de Vivre.” It roughly translates to “the sweetness of barfing into your own shirt pocket.”
Jeff Goldblum Is watching you piano.
look at me now, look at me now, im gettin paper….and i guess fuck all of you too. no rhyme needed. you dont have goldblum on the piano.
almost forgot, they fresher than all you mothafuckers.
Oh look everyone, Zooey Deschanel is singing.
“And now I’m the purveyor of… I’m the generator of… Great things…” — Jeff Goldblum
DR MALCOLM: Don’t you mean EXTINCT?
ziiiing
Weirdest 3-way ever…
what else was there to do while waiting for Time Warner Cable to show up?
TO BE YOUNG, GIFTED AND FABULOUS!!!!