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Dear Tom Cruise’s “Sunday” Outfit,
What’s up with you? I don’t mean, like, oh hey, hi, how are you doing, what is new. I mean, literally, what is up with you? Look, Tom Cruise’s “Sunday” Outfit, we all like to relax. Relaxing is human. So if Tom Cruise wants to put on a pair of sweat pants and kick around when he’s not on the set of Knight And Day 2: Knighter And Dayer, we understand. All of us understand. Besides, Tom Cruise is a busy super-celebrity. If anyone needed to understand and experience the comfort of relaxing every once in awhile, it’s him. It’s hard to lie to yourself and everyone else about your sexuality, and those Last Samourai period piece costumes can get heavy! But what’s up with you? You are a weird looking pair of sweatpants, which I’m sure are the finest pair of sweatpants on the market, but still weird, fine maybe but weird definitely, and into those weird sweatpants you are an open-necked button down sweatshirt sweater tucked in? Nothing says “I am relaxed and comfortable” like tucking your sweatshirt into your sweatpants. Of course, that’s not even the real problem with you. The real problem with you is the hat. WHAT A COMFORTABLE LOOKING HAT JUST KIDDING! (And the brilliant white sneakers that look like they were military-issue from the Cavity Creeps Army Wet Ops Team aren’t helping.)
The best part about you is that you are KIND OF like Katie Holmes’s lazy Sunday outfit, in that she, too, is wearing sweatpants and ugly boots and some kind of soft cardigan or I don’t know what, I’m not a Fashion Scientist, but as much as her outfit also looks stupid and ugly and hardly befitting an American Queen, it actually looks like a real lazy day outfit that a human being would wear. You seriously look like that creature from Men In Black with the human flesh suit, shuffling around the streets of New York, doing your best human impression. “Me make TV all day long for the Sunday reds.” What? “Me have relax now old sofa and a nap sleep.” Shut up, alien beast. You make no sense and everyone can see that your face is sliding off.
Oh, Tom Cruise’s “Sunday” Outfit, you crack us up. “She likes to read the Sunday Styles. I reach for the strip-mining your planet for the copper my people need to fuel their transgalactic ships. I mean Week in Review! Hahaha. Just joke me am make.” Oh aliens. Oh hats.
Love,
Andrea Leon Taffy (GOOD JOKE THE END)
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Hey Tom, are those giant Mercedes Benz keys in your pocket or do purple sweet pants just…oh what…those are giant Mercedes Benz keys? Ok cool. Just checking.
“purple sweet pants” = total intentional pun that is not a pun
“Sorry to bother you Tom, but your George Costanza is showing…”
I am more worried by Suri’s lack of footwear and concerned look, or is that an oh no not this again look, can’t tell
At first I thought her foot was Kate Holmes’ hand picking a wedgie. HOT.
I thought the same thing! And I was all – stars, they’re just like us!
An Open Letter To the Person Stalking Tom Cruise And His Family With a Camera:
Dear Creep,
You’re a terrible human being. Stop it.
Agreed!
And why do I feel like we’re suddenly being invited to GAWK here…thought this was another website entirely.
LOL he looks like fucking IDIOT!
Relax, guys.
I know what you are saying, but also it’s Tom Cruise. His life has been like this for 100 years and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Someone taking pictures of him in his driveway (which, also, I don’t think any of us have the satellite intelligence to confirm this, he is outside of the Sizzler for all we know) is the least of his problems.
I agree with you that he probably enjoys the tabloid attention on a certain level, but celebrity “spy shots” (cool term I just made up) always kinda creep me out.
I wasn’t trying to be sanctimonious or anything and my previous comment sounds mocking, so I apologize for that. Also, I’m not above making fun of what celebrities wear. Your Nicolas Cage Sorcerer costume post just made me laugh so much. It’s just that I would be sad if strangers posted pictures of me in my snuggie and adult bib.
http://videogum.com/149761/nicolas-cage-looks-great-nicolas-cage-does-not-look-great/behind-the-scenes/
Solid gold.
Sunday
Sunday
Sweatpants day on Sunday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the work week
Kicking in the front seat of my $100,000 car
Sitting in the back seat of my $100,000 car
Gotta make my mind up which seat can I take
The back seat, clearly. No one sits up front with their chauffeur.
He’s definitely got a photo of pajama jeans in his wallet.
This is Far and Away the worst outfit I’ve ever seen. When it comes to fashion, Tom Cruise is not making All The Right Moves. Leaving the house like this is Risky Business, even if it’s just to get a Cocktail. It looks like he got dressed with his Eye Wide Shut. Collateral was a good movie.
Trying to think of another joke to add on here is just the most impossible mission I’ve ever-OH DAMMIT LET ME TRY THAT AGAIN.
I don’t know. I’ve seen a Few Good Men pull this look off.
I’d like to put a Top Gun to this outfit so it would die and I’d play Taps at the funeral. But to be fair, the man is an international celebrity, a Legend. He even starred in The Firm. I think if we make fun of him too much this will turn into a War of the Worlds! So instead I have an Interview with the Vampire.
This reminds me of my brief, but remarkable bum phase, except my hat was cooler and I had fingerless gloves and cupids on my pants.
“Honey, I can’t decide between dressed down Dexter Morgan kill suit or ‘slumming-it’ Tom Wolfe.”
She’s pretty.
Gabe, never stop writing this kind of stuff. This stuff is magical. You should bottle this stuff and sell it, because people would totally buy jarred humor.
Agreed, just don’t make the mistake of canning it.
But from what I can tell, Suri Cruise remains adorable.
dear Andrea Leon Taffy,
i know i look ridiculous. but in order to get Suri to take a bath, eat a vegetable, and walk on her own for 2 blocks, her mother and i had to promise that we would let her dress us for a day. we knew this sort of get up couldn’t pass for weekday attire, no matter how rich we are, so i told her we would do it this Sunday.
next time you notice us wearing increasingly ludicrous outfits, please do us a favor and look the other way, as we will need to make a lot of concessions in the near future as we try to potty train her and starting the auditing process.
thanks,
the Cruises
i think he pooped his pants. then mama katie had to clean him up and change him. then she was like, “now tommy has to wear his sweet pants. are you proud of yourself now, tommy?” and then he put on the hat of shame.
forgive me, i’m in the midst of potty training.
knight and day 2: from dusk till dawn
knight and day 2: 6 days 7 knights
knight and day 2: the day knight rises
knight and day 2: the streets
knight and day 2: knight and daybreakers
knight and day 2: 30 days of knight
knight and day 2: knightwatch/daywatch two parter
knight and day 2: dayte knight
ill be having my own new best party game
2 Knight 2 Day
‘Somebodies wardrobe needs an auditing!’ – Guy commenting on a blog whilst wearing flip-flops, spongebob boxer shorts and a green visor hat that even his Mom thinks he should throw away at this stage, but he’s so not going to.
Who are you? What’s you’re name? Do you have a hat? Sweat pants? Because if you do, I’m gonna find ‘em. I’m gonna hurt ‘em. I’m gonna make ‘em bleed, and cry, and call out your name. And then I’m gonna find you, and kill you right in front of ‘em. – Mission: Hat III Quote
You sir are the Jack Kerouac of satirical celebrity mockery.
“Katie, they’ve spotted us! Quick, get Suri in the car!”
“But Tom, you said the magic hat would…”
“The magic hat only works if you believe in it, Katie! And look what your doubt has done to us now!”