Guys, Videogum is proud to introduce our new advice column: Dr. Birdie: The Human Whisperer. It’s hard out there for a shrimp, and it’s not getting any easier. So email Birdie with any questions you might have and she will give you advice. (Before you even bother starting in with this one, though, let’s just get it right on out of the way: she gets her ideas from the pet store.) Her email address is birdie@videogum.com. THIS IS FOR REAL. She will genuinely try and help you with your problems. Bear in mind, of course, that she is a dog, and that her advice is the advice a dog would give, because she is a dog, like I said. But she’s a hard worker (see: holes in carpet, also wall) and her attention span is improving. But she can’t help you if you don’t tell her what the problem is. Do you have a moral dilemma? Are you going through a bad break up? Is there something you’ve been wanting to get off your chest but you aren’t sure how? Ask Dr. Birdie! You can get as deep and as personal as you would like but do remember that she is a dog and she doesn’t understand some stuff, like the concept of time, or baby gates.

To prove how serious she is about this, she even made a local commercial offering her services that she ensures me is a real commercial that will apparently be showing on the Bark Network? (Woof.)


Ask Dr. Birdie: the Human Whisperer! Let’s get better!

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Comments (35)
  1. Hey Birdie! Please don’t die.

  2. Dr. Birdie?
    Yes I have a PHD in chewing and peeing on the floor

  3. While the email address was perfectly clear, can users also submit questions in the comments? Or will questions in comments be ignored?

  4. The only advice my dog gives me is “You should play with me before we snuggle” and “You should let me finish that.”

  5. You’re the man now, doc.

  6. DOCTOR BIRDIE YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

  7. Dear Birdie:
    My significant other has become a different person. Shee has stopped taking regular showers, she doesn’t dress up anymore, she started a new job, she always complains about not wanting to go to work (yet she tells me that he loves what he’s does at work)… she’s acting really different…

    Whoops. I meant, what does dog food taste like?

  8. I love Birdie!

  9. MONSTER EMERGENCY!!!!!!

    CODE RED!!!!!

    I NEED A GIF OF BIRDIE DOING HER IMPRESSION OF TYPING…STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. She’s so big now!
    Way to grow, Birdie!

  11. dogs don’t know anything

  12. So over the past few months, I’ve started to realize that Gabe wants all of the glory without doing as much work. First Kelly (love your posts, Kelly!), and now Birdie. I’m onto you, Gabe.

  13. that commercial is super @jeffsundinesque and we all know that is a great thing.

  14. But… where should I get my ideas?

  15. So it’s a commercial for an advice column written by a dog…..

    And it’s scored with the theme song for a show called Dr. Katz…..

    Alanis, we’re going to need more irony in here, Gabe’s done used it all up.

  16. Hi Birdie! Can you tell me what is up with Topher Grace?

  17. Dang, I need to get a dog.

  18. Squirrels. Amirite, Doctor?

  19. Whaaaaaaaat?! Girls can’t be doctors.

  20. Dear Dr. Birdie,
    I know this post is from yesterday, and today is Thursday, but can can you tell me why today really feels like Friday? ( I know your concept of time is limited) Come ON!

  21. This is the best Goddamn thing I’ve seen in I don’t know how long (no hyperbolemo). Goddamn the use of the ‘Dr. Katz’ theme is just fantastic.

  22. isnt this basically the premise of Frasier

  23. Dr. Katz!!! Birdie!!! I love this so much.

  24. somebody get this dog a show on the Oprah Winfrey Network because he is living his best life over here!

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