Oh good. The studios (I just call them “the studios” because we all know what I mean: showbuzzz!) are hard at work on a sequel to last year’s Tron: Legacy. Purrrrrfect. If there is one thing that I think we all felt when watching that hunk of junk it was “I can’t wait to see what happens next.” Hopefully that dude marries the computer game or whatever? Hahhaha, remember? Oh man. How he fell in love with a computer program and then she turned into a real girl through magic and/or JPEGs? Tron: Legacy, ladies and germs. Anyway, the Hollywood Reporter is Hollywood reporting today that Disney has hired a screenwriter for the sequel named David DiGilio, best known for his work on Eight Below, a movie about snow dogs starring Paul Walker (LOLOL). Sure! Look, we all have to put food on our families, and we all want to put Tron: Legacy 2 in our eyes, I’m sure. Luckily, Videogum has got its hands on an EXCLUSIVE SNEAK PEEK at the new script. This thing looks amazzzzzing!

EXT. COMPUTER – NIGHT

The computer rode its techno motorcycle along the matrix. You know, for a perfect society, you would think that The Creator might have bothered himself with some CGI sunlight or something. It is a little grim. Suddenly, ANOTHER MOTORCYCLE! It was a videogame race, except that this videogame has FATAL CONSEQUENCES. Well, not really. Wait, does it? It’s just a videogame. Anyway race race race. It looks pretty neat. One of the computers pulls off his helmet:

COMPUTER 1
You’ll never get my JPEGs!

On the screen the words flash: FINISH HIM! The other computer smashes his computer motorcycle into the first computer motorcycle and it explodes into megabytes. The second computer takes off its computer helmet and looks down at its computer victim. But it’s not a computer at all. It’s our hero: Sammy.

LITTLE BOY
Game over!

CUT TO:

INT. COMPUTER MANSION – NIGHT

Sammy’s computer girlfriend steps out of the computer hot tub. Why do computers need hot tubs? Why do computers need mansions? [Studio note: Please draft a 45 minute scene in which one character gives a dry and incredibly complicated expository explanation for why computers need mansions.] Sammy and his computer girlfriend JACK each other’s MAINFRAMES to ecstasy. Then they sit down to dinner on the set of a Jamiroquai video.

COMPUTER GIRLFRIEND
Uh oh, the hackers are coming.

LITTLE BOY
Bio digital jazz, girlfriend.

The hackers burst in the door (why do computers need doors?)!

COMPUTER GIRLFRIEND
OH NO I HAVE BEEN HACKED!

LITTLE BOY
Get your filthy computers off my computer girlfriend.

The Hackers hack into his girlfriend and make her go viral. Sammy only has two hours left to get to the portal. Quick, get on the computer train that goes directly from the center of the computer to the portal! Oh wait, now he’s at the portal. That was easy enough. He hits the shut down button. Now they are married? The Chemical Brothers.

Can’t wait for this movie, you guys.

Comments (27)
  1. I can’t wait until the final act when we learn his computer girlfriend is really a 40yo fat man

  2. The hackers are coming
    -Paul Revere

  3. I hear there’s a cat in this one.

  4. For anyone wanting to kill this with fire, I am WAAAAAAY ahead of you.

  5. You’ll never get my JPEGs! perfect. absolutely perfect.

  6. I may not be of the most popular opinion, but I didn’t think it was all that terrible. I mean, bio-digital jazz man, i get it. But we’ve ponied up for far worse, and it was a visual delight. There’s a really great piece that Dan Hopper wrote over at Best Week Ever that compared it to Avatar in that, Avatar is terrible, but Tron is less terrible, but Avatar was first so it’s excuse from how jaw droppingly terrible it is? Anyone expecting Mamet like dialogue was clearly going to be disappointed. But I enjoyed it for what it was, a fun action romp with flaws. But it’s certainly better than the shit it caught..

  7. Here rests Tags: David DiGilio

    Born: June 8, 2011

    Died: June 8, 2011

  8. I just want to put more Olivia Wilde in my eyes.

  9. “…and then she turned into a real girl through magic and/or JPEGs?”

    I don’t know, I think there are worse movies with this very plot:

  10. Needs more TechnoReligiousBabble.

  11. Remember around this time last year when Joe Mande wrote us an entire fucking screenplay for The Overton Window? That was awesome.

  12. Having seen Snow Dogs, I want to defend that title. It was kind of great. I imagine it’s even more fun if you really like dogs. I recommend Snow Dogs! Thumbs up!

  13. “I gave you a digital baby.”

    What, wrong Jeff Bridges movie?

  14. Quick, get on the computer train that goes directly from the center of the computer to the portal!

    Shouldn’t that be a bus? (get it? computers!)

  15. ‘Get your filthy computers off my computer girlfriend.’ My favorite part.

  16. TRON Legacy 2: TRONS

  17. http://www.benzlogo.com/

    I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport

  18. I dont know who you are but i will find you and i will kehaw you. Noone makes fun of the greatest movie ever. Ive seen it fourty two time this year already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.