There are so many ridiculous things about this news report and I really love all of them so much. A middle school in Russellville, Arkansas has published a “Five Worst People” list in its yearbook which, first, hahah. Of course! In yearbook club in MY middle school all we ever wanted to do was get the word out on Hitler and Charles Manson, but we never could get it by the school board. And I guess maybe the list would have been fine if it only included the Classic Worst People™ , but also it included George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, most likely due to the Sesame Street effect, and that is absolutely so funny. Was Jello Biafra the proctor of Yearbook this year? “Don’t hate the media, become the media.” – Jello Biafra, talking about middle school yearbooks. But then the best part is how they tried to fix it:

“My problem is, is the tape can be removed easily.” ”That’s disappointing, because the yearbook supplier told us that this was a definite fix.” Ugh, this is the best. (Via ViralViralVideos.)

Comments (57)
  1. Yeah, but you know how middle schoolers are with their politics…. Can’t even tell you how many times I had to compromise with my mom between doing my homework and watching Crossfire.

    • In my house, there was never any contest. We had to watch O’Reilly BEFORE homework to counteract the liberal brainwashing I got at school. #teapartyparents #ithinkiturnedoutok

    • I distinctly remember my political awakening coming at the end of 8th Grade, as the Clinton scandals ended, and we were required to do a current event article summary each week.

      Such revelations included:

      “Wait. I don’t think anybody really cares about this Elian Gonzales kid that much AT ALL. It’s like they’re using him as some sort of “game piece” in a game… like, if politics were chess, he would be… perhaps, a pawn? Hmmm!”

      “Elizabeth Dole seems very smart and well qualified to run for president. It’s really weird that nobody wanted to give her any money, and as a result, she couldn’t run. Why should money stop someone from running if they are smart? Is it because she’s a lady? Maybe Bob Dole standing next to her in a cap that said First Gentleman looked sad to people”

      “Gas prices going up makes people SO angry”

  2. It looks like it’s below a list of top 5 endangered species which is even more fascinating for me

  3. I don’t know man Charles Manson seems alright.

  4. How did they choose those? Was it a school wide poll? Ballot topics included:

    Best Hair
    Best Athlete
    Cutest Couple
    Most Likely To Succeed
    Class Clown
    Worst Person

  5. Whatever. When we’re living in a war-torn hellscape brought on by our own follies, we’ll have another name for middle school yearbooks: kindling.

  6. I like that lady reporter. Nosarcasmo, she’s asking questions I want answered.

  7. “That’s a good question, but we did not get any answers” – a Journalist

  8. The worst part of this: George W. Bush and Dick Cheney didn’t even GO to that school.

  9. Five best people:
    Gabe
    Kelly
    Gabe
    Kelly
    Donald Glover

  10. What’s so hilarious is that the list is actually kind of correct??? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    #unintentionalaccuracy

    • Yeah, I don’t really understand the furor behind the whole thing. They’re just babies! If they want to put in some controversial list, let ‘em do it! They trying to be baby Woodwards and Bernsteins! It’s cute!

  11. it seriously blows my mind that this is from a school in arkansas. unless, of course, these children are all operatives of the clinton machine.

    • I’m from Arkansas, born here and lived here all my life (sorry, we’re not all so lucky LOLOLOLZ). What’s really interesting to me about this story is the superintendent’s faith in tape as a solution provided by the yearbook company. I mean, maybe they don’t have Sharpies in Russellville? I guess?

    • I was thinking the same thing! If someone had said that in Birmingham, AL (my former residence) they would have been shot immediately and their family evicted from its house!

    • Yeah, good point. BUT these are the children who are putting together the yearbook. (Read: nerds.) Those kids will end up at a liberal college someday and this will be part of their “two facts and a lie” freshman orientation icebreaker.

  12. I don’t know man. If you were to make a list of the five worst people living or dead, which they did here, I’m not sure that Bush or Cheney would be on that list. There have been a whole lot of ruthless genocides! There have been a whole lot of stone cold evil people in history! I’m not even sure they’d be on the list of the top 5 warmongers of the last 60 years.

    • This was supposed to be a reply to waitingforguffman. My bad!

    • The important thing is to note that it is completely appropriate to list Bush as a war criminal and one who has directly caused crimes against humanity. I thought the middle schoolers did an admirable job having some restraint and putting Adolf at the top.

    • Seriously! Idi Amin fucking ATE people, kids! Get your priorities in order. What a bunch of entitled shits.

      Off the top of my head:
      Stalin (total asshole)
      Mao
      Pol Pot
      Robert fucking Mugabe is alive and well and running Zimbabwe into the ground.
      Henry Kissinger even! If we need an American on the list, Henry Kissinger is definitely worse than Charles Manson

      I think I’m getting carried away. My point is, yes, you are completely right. Let’s make our own list and then weep for the children.

    • Leopold II of Belgium’s in there fo’ sho.

  13. I like that by the end of the video there is some sinister conspiracy being implied by the anchors. I mean they were one step away from suggesting that it was an Al Qaeda plot.

    • Suzie Jenkins being nominated Homecoming Queen was definitely the work of some sinister plot because I mean really?

  14. Best part!

  15. This looks like the job of Ashton Kutcher. Some people gettin’ punk’d down in Arkansas

  16. I think they pulled it off some website, hence the top five endangered species. Poorly attributed.

  17. The school’s solution to the yearbook issue was pretty much in step with my year book experiences. Yearbooks are EXPENSIVE, newscasters! It goes to print BUT ONCE. Anything wrong with it after that point is usually solved with tape.

    In high school, my art teacher HATED me. His prized student was Amber, cheerleading captain (i think), and also high up on the yearbook committee. My art teacher just had her paint larger and larger self-portraits of herself (not even joking, this is all too true). She put together the art class section of the yearbook, a 3-page spread. The first page was a full page photo of our art teacher looking at something over his glasses. The second page had a couple photos of Amber and some other students. A QUARTER of the last page was taken up by a photo of me, pointing the back end of a pencil at someone out of frame and my mouth agape, in mid-sentence. The caption read, “Senior KajusX & Chainsaws, eating fries and slacking off in art class.” WHUUUUUUT???

    Anyway, long story short— I did not care about the slight, by my mom did. my mom is half-black and I a quarter black and in a white ass CO mountain town we are black, and there were only about 6 people of color total. So my mom went and spoke to the journalism teacher and laid down the race card in that he should be more conscious of the content of the yearbook. His solution was tape. We passed. Damage done, people. Yearbooks are yearbooks.

    • We had a bit of a legal kerfuffle on our hands during my junior year relating to something on one of the pages of our yearbook. It involved a double-page spread wherein the whole picture and copy needed to be replaced. Of course all 2000+ yearbooks had been printed by this point, so the solution was to re-do the pages and have Jostens send us 2000+ full-double-page-sized stickers to cover up the problem.

      Then everyone on Journalism and Yearbook had to spend the day carefully covering up the offending page in every.single.book. Oh and if you accidentally laid one down a little off you were SOL because as soon as the sticker touched paper it bonded for life. So every 10-20 books one closed funny.

      Even worse was that when you give 2000 high schooler’s a yearbook with a mysterious sticker covering up 2 entire pages, a lot of them want to know why and spend a day trying to pry the thing up. Then the page straight rips out and that’s why I spent the last weeks of high school that year explaining to people 3x a day that “No I can’t tell you what was there, it doesn’t matter and no we can’t give you a new yearbook, you ruined yours on your own.” FUN.

      • I am dying to know more details of this story. What caused the kerfuffle?? What was the double page spread????? Pleeeeeeeeease…..just a hint???

        • LOL ok, it is utterly, crazily complicated but I’ll try to be brief.

          The page was a student activity page and that same year my h.s. got national attention from major news networks and the ACLU on a freedom of speech issue. A few of the people mentioned in the article and the main picture were involved in the case. One of them was kicked out of the student activity because of some quite callus infractions, one was expelled from the school and a third was considering a restraining order on the first.

          It was a HUGE mess and dominated everything about the end of the school year. I believe the district lawyer recommended eliminating the page somehow, but I’m not 100% sure, it may have just been the principal and the yearbook advisor.

    • a friend signed my 8th grade yearbook with something to the effect of “i’d love to hang with you this summer but i know you’ll be spending all your time with alana,” the girl i had an all-too-obvious crush on for a huge percentage of my teenage years. i ran to the office demanding a new yearbook because i hadn’t gotten alana to sign it yet, and god forbid she be reminded for the 5 millionth time i had a crush on her. they refused but taped a piece of scrap paper over the offending quote. of course, alana (and probably everybody else) peeled back the tape to reveal the offense within, and watching that happen from across the room in 5th period science was about as cheek-burningly embarrassing an experience as i had had. in retrospect, i must have wanted it to happen, though. otherwise, why didn’t i just sharpie that shit out? being a teenager is hard.

    • For the senior superlatives, I told everyone to vote for my lab partner Ben for Best Male Singer because he used to sing the Beatles in science class all the time and I thought it would be funny (Tom Pranks over here!). Plus I was probably going to be Best Female Singer (no brag-o), and no other boys in my high school sang because it was “gay.” So it worked and he got voted Best Male Singer, but he refused to be in the picture because of the aforementioned “gayness.” I guess he didn’t have as much of a sense of humor as I thought he did… Also, my name is Amber, but they spelled it “Maber.” Yearbook stories!

      • When I was at law school (ladies), the school used to organise a graduate employment guide. My friends decided to do a joke guide as an issue of the law studnets’ magazine.

        Ordinarily, the employment guide featured ads from prominent law firms and one of these ads featured a guy whispering into the ear of a laughing woman saying ‘psssst, I heard a graduate placement at XXXXX is a great way to start your career’.

        These dudes photoshopped the ad so that it said ‘pssssst, I heard you got spit-roasted at the Christmas party’. It got through and all hell broke lose when it emerged that the woman in the ad was actually a lawyer. And a prominent one with a keen interest in defamation.

        It was funny though.

  18. As a former yearbook editor myself (gentlemen?) I want to know the top 5 names that were added to that next to a hastily crossed-out “George Bush.” I am guessing a lot of “Selena Gomez” and “Bella from Twilight” (because those girls stole Bieber and Edward, duh)

  19. The Principal has re-issued the list:

    1. Mark Cuban
    2. Hitler
    3. Tim Donaghy
    4. Stan Van Gundy
    5. Dennis Rodman

    #DavidSternLookALikeJokes

  20. I worked on my high school yearbook (no nerdo) and one day me and a friend just about killed ourselves laughing as we wrote mean, super-insulting and/or innuendo-ish headlines for every section (ex.: for the vo-tech page, “Technically, It’s an Education”).

    We submitted these to the English teacher who was our advisor, sure she was going to be furious. Instead, she only banned the one we’d written for the English Dept — “Grab Your Dick and Get Pumped! Moby Dick, That Is.” The rest — she didn’t even seem to get. She kept asking why we were laughing when we wrote them. “No reason,” we said. “Are you sure these are okay to print?” She signed off and it went in a folder to go to the printer the next day.

    That night, we became terrified that we were about to offend 90 percent of our fellow students. The next morning, we raced to school before homeroom, feeling ultra-guilty, and quickly changed almost all of them to non-insulting versions (i.e., “Technically Charged!”). And that’s how our yearbook didn’t make the news in Arkansas. (or New Jersey.)

    I guess we’re good people. But oof, not by first instinct.

  21. “FAIL.” — First Amendment.

  22. jello biafra? someone has been listening to dead kennedys recently

  23. I can see why the parents are outraged. Charles Manson’s inclusion on that list is ridiculous. He killed way less people than the other 4.

  24. Middle School Yearbook Opinion Polls threaten the very fabric of our society.

  25. Journalism: You’re doing it wrong

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