There is a very specific type of disappointment that you only get with big budget summer movies. It’s not crushing or anything, it barely even registers as disappointment. It’s just this vague, unsatisfying feeling that the thing you were hoping for is gone, and that in its place something simply exists. Not only do you not get what you wanted, but you are overcome with the realization that the thing you did get is just going to be around, showing on HBO2 at three in the morning for the rest of your life. You’ll probably watch it again, too, parts of it at least, drunkenly, with a bowl of poorly cooked Trader Joe’s pot stickers to sop up the booze. This doesn’t happen with Oscar Bait and it doesn’t happen with surprise indie hits and it doesn’t happen with similarly bad or underwhelming movies that you had no particular hopes for in the first place (I am thinking in particular of the new Real Steel trailer that showed before X-Men: First Class. Holy moly. That movie never looked very good, but now it looks very bad. Here’s a question: why is Hugh Jackman so reluctant to teach a fucking robot how to box? Just teach the robot, Hugh Jackman. “I can’t!” Yes you can. What is even going on here? Anyway.) It’s not that X-Men: First Class was “bad” exactly. But it wasn’t great. And it certainly didn’t live up to its exciting potential. Superheroes! Origin stories! Mad Men! Nope.

There were good parts! The bar scene in Argentina for example. Also, Kevin Bacon unleashing his powers in the C.I.A headquarters by clicking his heel against the tiles was neat. The final action sequence was pretty good (but also VERY problematic). Also James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender are really good at being in movies, you guys! Holy cow. It is very hard to make a character seem thoughtful, intelligent, emotionally complex, and sophisticated when they are saying things like, “YOU NEED TO RELAX YOUR MIND BECAUSE USING YOUR MAGNET POWERS ON THE EVIL SUBMARINE IS GOING TO GET YOU MUTANT KILLED” (Paraphrasing) but those two literally made it look easy. (Until the end. More on that in a moment.) Like I said, the movie wasn’t “bad,” it was a perfectly fine way to spend six hours on a Sunday afternoon. But there were some bad things about it. Let’s discuss them:

The movie was six hours long! That is too long. A superhero movie should probably only be an hour and a half, but if you’re going to make a sweeping, revisionist history, epic origin story based around the Bay of Pigs I will give you a full hour-forty-five. But six? No. The sinking feeling that a movie is dragging its feet and that you are getting bored is always a bad sign, but it is the worst at a comic book movie. For one thing, they are supposed to be fun and exciting, but even more importantly, they are pretty formulaic. I’m not saying that in a pejorative way, I’m just saying, there are tried and true narrative/emotional buttons that need to be pushed, so push them, and then be done with it. A disappointing comic book movie–and lord knows there are plenty–is always a little extra disappointing just because there are so many safety mechanisms built into decades of pre-written material and well-worn tropes that make it seem like a no-brainer. It’s like fucking up a box of Duncan Hines brownies, possible but unfortunate.

For every cool sequence (see above) in the movie, there were three regrettable ones, most notably the three-hour long (half the movie was dedicated to this if you can believe it) scene in which all the young mutants got to know each other in a 1960s IKEA showroom and gave each other “cool” nicknames Daddy-O. Talk about the suffering caused by men just following orders! It was not necessarily the fault of any of the actors, but those were three of the most embarrassing hours ever captured on film. And as someone who loves a good training montage, I did not love this movie’s training montage! It was hilarious, though, as my friend Max pointed out, that while everyone else was trying to harness and control their powers, Mystique was just lifting weights. Hahah! She just literally needed to get into slightly better shape? And speaking of getting into better shape, what was Beast’s problem? He just so badly wanted to wear flip flops on the subway? Because his feet looked super normal when he had shoes on, so why not just wear shoes and fucking relax?

There are obviously larger logic problems than Beast’s motivation for creating a serum (that just affects the way they look but not their powers except his powers derived from the size and strength of his feet so if you were to make them normal feet wouldn’t it affect his powers and also Mystique’s powers are the ability to shape-shift so if the serum only affects the way she looks AYE-AYE-AYE my head just fell off). And I know that it is kind of silly to complain about logic problems in a superhero movie, but still, there were some very serious logic problems! Like, how come Professor X was holding Kevin Bacon still while Magneto was driving the coin through his brain, but then was screaming and crying about it? You’re the one who is holding him still, Doctor. You are largely responsible for his death. I’m also not entirely clear on why mutants, even evil mutants, would want to live in an Apocalyptic wasteland? Surely there has to be a way of destroying the human race without also choking the world in nuclear ash. Just because you have dragonfly wings doesn’t mean you don’t ever want to see the sun again. (I’m also not entirely clear how, say, supersonic whistling protects you from a nuclear warhead.)

And I know that you ladies are all still riding that gender-mandated Bridesmaids high, so I won’t even bother talking about how bad Jennifer Lawrence and January Jones were in this movie other than to say that they were both very bad in this movie. Also bad: Zoe Kravitz. (Although I will also add that I still support Jennifer Lawrence. But January Jones can go jump in a lake.)

Even Michael Fassbender, who was so good as Erik Lehnsherr from beginning to very almost the end, finally succumbed to the unbearable weight of this poorly built movie in the final scene when he had to walk into that prison and say “Call me…Doctor Magneto!” or whatever. Come ON. I mean, we know he is Magneto now, so do you really have to erase every single ounce of cool–of which he had, like, Big Gulp ounces worth the whole time–with this cheesy garbage? He even took some time off to make his anti-mind-control helmet way tackier, apparently. Great. Like I said, when this comes on at 3AM, I’ll probably end up watching it again. It’s fine. It is what it is. It exists now and forever. But for a few days, at least until Super 8 comes out, I will mourn the loss of the X-Men: First Class that coulda shoulda woulda been.

Comments (110)
  1. It feels like the Summer Blockbuster Season has been going on since April.

    Super 8 is feeling…

    Super Late.


    • (still gonna be first in line though)

      • I’m SUPER SCARED at the reactions to Super 8.

        I have been assuming all this time that it would get 100% critical ratings and make everybody leave the theaters crying, yet smiling with a glint of nostalgia in their eyes. I had already started planning a family so that my children would be the perfect age to go see the 10 year anniversary release in a Hologram Theater.

        But everyone’s all “meh, it was a’ight”

        Oh well…just bought my IMAX tickets for Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        My wife better hope it’s good or she’s not getting any kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • I keep seeing trailers for Cowboys and Aliens and having two thoughts
      1. I really want to see this
      2. That’s coming out sooner than I thought, too many movies for me to keep track of

  2. Anyone else into comic book movies but not really into comic books, and never have been into comic books? It’s weird right?

    • It’s like people who are into movies but don’t want to read the books they were adapted from.

    • yes! I feel bad about it, like I don’t deserve to be there with the superfans and they’ll know somehow.

    • It’s not that weird. In today’s world a comic book issue is considered a success if it sells 100,000 copies. So a whole lot more people are seeing these movies than are actually picking up and checking out what these movies are based on.

    • Well, I mean, it’s only weird for me because once every 2 months or so, I’ll spend four hours straight reading the Wikipedia pages on various superheroes/villains instead of just reading the comics themselves.

      Kind of unrelated: I was way too excited when I was able to point out Hawkeye in Thor to my friend in the theater. To myself I thought “He must think ‘Wow, [squidsquad] is really knowledgeable about Marvel comics.’” when in reality he was probably like “I wish [squidsquad] would shut up with his nerdy comic book knowledge so I can focus on Natalie Portman in this movie because she is really good-looking.”

      • Everytime a superhero trailer/featurette/something or other pops up on TV or before a movie, I feel the urge to lean over to my girlfriend and explain something or other about the character.

        ‘Well, you see, the Green Lantern rings are powered by willpower and, in actual fact, there are numerous other emotional spectrum energies such as Blue Lanterns, hope, and yellow, fear. They only really came into general specifics in the recent Blackest Night storyline and blah blah blah blah blah’

        Man, I have no idea why she is with me (HAHA JOKING, I DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, I’M A COMIC BOOK NERD!)

      • Completely not embarrassed by this: I started out on Wikipedia but then I went to the Marvel website (they have graphs!?!) and so now I know EVERYTHING. The DC one’s pretty good too. And I had the exact same experience in Thor. I’m glad you exist.

        • Yeah, sometimes it’s better to go through a few pages of wikipedia instead of 60 YEARS OF GARBAGE. That way you can also skip all the mysoginism in the 50′s comics, the civil rights superficial crap from the 60′s (Cyclops going to a Black Panthers rally and stuff like that), the soul-searching from the 70′s, the psychological verborragy from the 80′s and the extra-limbs-Gen-13-Youngblood-crossovers from the 90′s.

          Also, I love comics! Enough to really dislike this movie.

  3. “a bowl of poorly cooked Trader Joe’s pot stickers to sop up the booze”

    Yeah, that may have hit a little too close to home.

    • I was out of town during the performance review last week, so I couldn’t comment, but I’m glad to see my big complaint, lack of Trader Joe’s pot stickers reporting, has been rectified anyway.

  4. I liked the movie a lot! I definitely did notice some of those things that are pointed out in the review, but I think I just really wanted to have a good time watching it so I didn’t focus on the negatives (could be why they pay me the big bucks to work in education and not be a movie critic???) Great article, though, as always! It still makes me LOL, even though I really really liked the movie. Loved Fassbender from beginning to the very end (my husband is a fanboy so he was super pumped about seeing Magneto in his original costume, which was great since he had been super pissed that the original X-Men in the movie are not the original X-Men from the comics, even though I tried to tell him they don’t make these movies for comic book fans, they make them for everyone, no-doy, nerds and non-nerds). I even actually thought Kevin Bacon was outstanding–not a shred of likeness to the movie that shall not be named, the initiator of The Hunt.

  5. I enjoyed parts of this movie,but there were some problems:

    Michael Fassbender’s accent going from German to Irish during the course of the film
    The submarine crashing on the beach looked so horribly fake that they should’ve just taken it out.
    No real buildup in the relationship between Erik/Charles.
    All of the girls, just all of them. Especially Mystique! She could’ve had kickass development, instead she just kind of flipped sides for no reason.
    Kevin Bacon as the bad guy, especially in the Magneto helmet.

    Things I liked: that it wasn’t in 3-D

    • Other Problems:

      Beast was cross eyed ( I’m not complaining considering it was hilarious)

      If your a minority then you will be killed or turn into a bad guy.

    • I didn’t like that the scenes that attempted to explain Mystique’s change were pretty much solely about her sexuality/appearance. Beast doesn’t think she’s beautiful when she’s ‘real’, Charles unquestioningly supports her desire to change her appearance and BAM Erik thinks she’s a babe BAM BAM BAM she’s a baddie.

      Also, (and I’m assuming this is ‘canon’ but wev) WHERE WERE THE GRATUITOUS FASSBENDER SHIRTLESS SCENES HE IS SUCH A BABE?!?

    • Mystique didn’t flip sides for no reason: the 2 guys whom she had crushes on (professor & beast) both expressed that they did not like her natural form. hell I’d nail her blue ass. but also magneto turned her down, naked in his bed, so i’m not sure she would have so easily left the rest of her x-friends.

      she could have had better character development, that’s for sure. at least she wasn’t so stiff and awkward as emma frost. sheeeeit.

  6. Why is it mutant pride for mystique to not wear clothes? I mean, I get that she’s blue and scaly, but I can see she’s blue and scaly when she’s fully clothed, and dragonfly girl is very intent on keeping her modesty when she’s showing off her wings (in a strip club) and beast turns all blue but he doesn’t care that much about showing his fur to people. The point is that they’re weird too but they wear clothes. Why does mystique get all mad at charles for wearing clothes? It’s fine that she wants to be blue, but her mutant power is being blue and naked? I don’t wanna hear any “who cares it’s Jennifer Lawrence naked hur hur” crap, but this just baffles my mind. Also, naked 8 year old mystique. How has Fox News not picked this up?

    • If Mystique can shape-shift her body into whatever clothes she want, wearing clothes would probably just be a hindrance. She doesn’t have shape-shifting control over actual clothes, so if she was wearing some, whatever she turned into would also be wearing that.

      • But she was in her X-uniform on the beach and she changed into Kevin Bacon to trick tornado guy. So…was she not actually wearing a uniform and just looking like she did? And she also changed clothes to copy the general at the start. And regardless of whether she can changes her clothes or not, can she not just pretend to be wearing them anyway? If I was on her team, I just wouldn’t take her seriously at all.

        • Like the finer points of the perfect amount of dust found on Smoke Monster Locke, it’s best if you just let this one lie.

        • Mystique is always naked, She never wears clothes, She just shifts her “skin” into clothes.

          In the comic books there is a stupid thing called “unstable molecules” or “Too lazy to think about science”, these things are made into superhero outfits that will do whatever your skin does, IE: Iceman gets all icy but is not naked, Human torch doesn’t burn his “clothes”, stretchy peoples clothing stretches.

          But yeah, there are lots of reasons not to take the mutant terrorist who feels like a blue freak outcast that can CHANGE HER SHAPE yet can’t change her ideological viewpoint, seriously.

    • I don’t get the nipples=naked rule.

  7. i hate action movies, but i liked this movie a lot. hot dudes wore both sweaters AND turtlenecks and there was almost NO blood. thats pretty much the best i can ask for from an action movie. I will say that I found it weird that most of the women were 1960s slutty, while the lady with the wings was anacronistically present-day slutty. she even had a bunch of 2004 myspace tattoos. come on! if you are a 60s stripper you should get some pasties and not look like you shop at tj maxx.

    • Exactly! Why is her mutant outfit what she would wear at the strip club? Doesn’t she have regular clothes for her days off?

    • SHE BOTHERED ME SO MUCH re: Dragonfly girl. I’m bothered mainly at the make-up and costume designers. Why is it that everyone else was styled up 1960s style, and she’s just hanging out in 1990s make-up, hair, and clothes!? Is she a time-traveler?!

      • I know she had some comic book precedent but those wings were tattoos, right? WHAT IF HER POWER WERE THAT ALL HER TATTOOS WERE REAL I WISH.

      • ok this is a continuity issue between movies. how come dragonfly girl is named Angel, when the dude with the bird wings was also Angel? and if we’re going to follow any of the X-Men comics as canon, Avenging Angel (birdwing dude, warren somethingorother) is roughly the same age as beast and cyclops.

  8. The morning after Beast turns blue, when he leaves the note saying “I already left, DON’T FORGET the box with an X on it!!” I definitely thought he had curled up and hid in the box so he could avoid being seen in his simian form for another 15 minutes.

  9. Guys, I need to be honest for a second. I liked it. Then again, I will like anything with Michael Fassbender because, you know, Michael Fassbender. Also, Michael Fassbender. I think I’ve made my point. Good day!

  10. didn’t see this…but i solved my commenting problems by registering a new username. [was i kicked out of the club or something?] so I’M BACK!

  11. Finally, a big summer movie I really liked. I’m passing a note to this movie to tell it that I “like” like it.

    Now anytime I see someone do something awesome, I’ll think of it as “Fassbending.”

  12. Producers: Hey Marc Webb do you want to direct this X-Men movie that takes place in the 60′s?
    Marc Webb: Sure, but only if I can direct it in the style of a cheesy 80′s action movie, I will not have my artistic integrity trampled on.
    Producers: Of course, do whatever you want. We already put like 6 “Groovies” in the script AND we hired January Jones, people are already going to think they stumbled into a time warp. In fact DEFINITELY direct it using an overtly 80′s style, just to be sure that people get confused and actually think that they time traveled to the 60′s.
    Marc Webb: Oh, can we also get a horrible score?
    Producers: Way ahead of ya!

    Michael Fassbender: I’m going to act the shit out of this weirdly okay movie with a performance it definitely does not deserve! Also, I was amazing in Hunger! No really, like I gave an all time great performance.

  13. Li’l Beast was the kid in About a Boy, and also A Single Man, and I need to adopt him.

    Also, Jennifer Lawrence was bad, but January Jones was AMAZINGly bad. She has to be playing herself in Mad Men, right? Because she clearly cannot act.

    Anyway, I had fun. Do Not Sell, at least.

    • I had the exact same conversation in the car on the way home.

      The greatest trick Matt Weiner ever pulled was convincing the world that January Jones is acting when playing Betty Draper.

    • I’ve awkwardly defended her for a long time, but have you ever seen someone who always seemed so unhappy to be on camera? It goes beyond “bad acting” into “is someone making you do this at gunpoint?”

    • I was so pissed because the White Queen/Emma Frost was one of my favorite characters for a while (most specifically during the Phalanx Covenant/Generation X/New X-Men periods, she became a bit overused after that) where she was trying to be good but was still stone cold and badass. And I was so mad, because January Jones was just a soft-voiced statue who occasionally said things but mostly stared blankly in a sports bra.

    • January Jones was really bad, but I have to give the worst edge to Jennifer Lawrence. At least January Jones was really good in that scene where she ate a cracker while having mind sex with a Russian.

  14. Kevin Bacon made me laugh every time he was on stage. It kind of seemed like they had someone else in mind for that role, and that other person went through all of the rehearsals and everything, but then that person got sick and someone was like “well I know Kevin Bacon and he can learn Russian real fast let’s call him” and then they called Kevin Bacon and he was just like “Sure, I’m available. I can be there in 3 days. Someone get me some Rosetta Stones.” He just did NOT seem like the original choice.

  15. How bad were those minions? Chris Angel and the devil? Very bad minions!

  16. I really really really really enjoyed this movie. Part of it might be that I wanna be Magneto when I grow up, but I had a fun time watching it, would wanna watch it again, and that’s all I demand from this type of film. It had all the problems big Hollywood blockbuster movies have, but I thought it was stylish and fun and didn’t take itself too seriously. First Class is fine by me.

  17. I’m just waiting on the youtube supercut of Magneto trying to make things move with his hands and Xavier trying to read people’s minds…. very cheesedick IMO.

    I’d put a gif in here that more accurately describes what I’m talking about but I don’t have those kinds of superpowers.

  18. I know the costume at the end was a nod to the old comics, but you’d think Magneto could do better than donning some red footie pajamas and draping a burlap potato sack around his neck.

  19. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • that whole “hitting on ladies at the bar with my mind” scene was very reminiscent of “what women want”

    • the first half of the movie I was like “Xavier you are such a prick” (because of the “you’ll never go hungry again” mystique, what, you are a spoiled rich brat go back to bed). I think during mutant training montage he won me over because he acted like he really did care about these people, down to the “now throw your lasers and don’t hit me despite how you couldn’t do it the three million other times!”

      But OMG Charles/Erik whaaaaaaaat you two in strip clubs with the “We’ll show you ours if you show us yours”? I wish the entire movie were a Charles/Erik finding other mutants montage.

  20. You people are all jack-off hater assholes grasping at straws for something to bitch about. This includes Queen Gabe. This movie was bad ass. What were you expecting; Othello? It’s a fucking comic-book movie. Eat a green turd. Seriously. Oh and go ahead down vote me. I’m like the god damn Hulk; the more you down vote me the more powerful I get.

  21. I mean, I fucking loved it. I’ve been talking about it non-stop for two days, and there is like a 75% percent chance that I will see in in the theatre at least two more times. it definitely had flaws (I could do without the entire Beast plot [though it did help to explain how my beautiful Nicholas Hoult grows up to be Kelsey Grammar], January Jones, and the weird racism involved in Darwin dying and Angel immediately turning evil), but it was NOWHERE near as awful as X-Men: The Last Stand and Wolverine were. The fact that this movie could actually redeem the franchise is a miracle.

    Also the fact that I was waiting the entire movie for Charles and Erik to start full-on making out did not hurt.

    • Did you notice how when Kevin Bacon is making that speech to the baby X-Men and he says something about ‘enslaving’ and then the edit cuts right to a close up of Darwin?

      • Yes. God that was odd.

        My boyfriend and I turned to each other and raised our eyebrows in unison at that one. Good job editor!

      • Definitely noticed that. And definitely gave my friend a look when it happened.

        I’d also like to say that (and here’s where I nerd out HARD): Angel’s defection is somewhat consistent with the character of Angel Salvadore (who she is based on) who defected to Xorn’s side after he revealed himself to be Magneto (though he was still also actually Xorn, or, well, Xorn’s twin brother, or something. It got kind of confusing), becoming a member of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants for a short while. She rejoined the heroes, but was a ‘bad guy’ (sort of), for a bit.

        • UGH, that Magneto Xorn thing was what finally put me off reading those books once and for all, and I haven’t picked them up since (re: superhero comics in general).

          Grant Morrison’s run was so refreshing in my eyes. He was actually EVOLVING the concepts of the X-Men and their roles in the world, not just rewriting the same template X-Men adventures over and over again. I really liked the character of Xorn, and when they revealed he was actually Magneto, I was perturbed because 1) There was NEVER an actual Xorn, and 2) Magneto is ALWAYS the villain. But then Grant Morrison KILLED Magneto in another move of evolving the X-Men. “Magneto is always the villain. Let’s get rid of him once and for all so the X-Men can do something new for a change. He’ll probably come back later on, but for the time being, let’s not write a story about Magneto for a good long while.”

          IMMEDIATELY after Morrison finished his run the Marvel editors retconned the shit out of the Xorn/Magneto story, and made it so the dead Magneto was really Xorn’s brother (whom had not once ever been mentioned ever), Xorn was always a character and still around, and Magneto is still alive and had nothing to do with all the stuff that went down leading to Imposter-Brother-of-Xorn-Magneto.

          UGH superhero comics UGH.

          • Yeah I stopped at the same time. Morrison’s run was excellent, and when they just started undoing it right and left, I was pissed.

    • “Also the fact that I was waiting the entire movie for Charles and Erik to start full-on making out did not hurt.”

      I love to talk during movies and was constantly saying “MAAAAAAAKE OUT” whenever their faces were on screen together

  22. I am glad we are talking about poorly cooked pot stickers eaten while drunk. Every fucking time I buy pot stickers and try to cook them they break in the pan and turn into some disgusting noodley mess that I eat anyways because I am drunk.

    • this happens every time I make those goddamn Trader Joe’s potstickers. I try to gently heat them in broth like a nice little wonton, soup and they just disintegrate into floating clumps of garbage.

      • The trick I use with mine (not Trader Joe’s brand, though) is: put 1 tbsp of oil in the pan (no heat yet), THEN put all the frozen potstickers in, THEN add 1/3 cup of water. Turn on the heat to medium-high, cover the pan, and let them simmer for about 8 minutes. Then take off the lid, and let the rest of the water cook off, until the bottoms of the potstickers are golden-brown. #cookinggum

  23. I have never read an Xmen comic in my life, I have seen all the movies, loved Nightcrawler in the beginning of the second film and hated the the third film. Also Wolverine Origins was pretty bad.

    But this one…I loved it. Of course I was forced into it as I promised to myself I will never give my money to the Xmen again (after paying to see X3) and my expectations where very low. Especially since I was wondering how can it be an action movie if one character controls metals and the other character reads minds?

    But no, the action scenes were Perfect. And thats what I wanted to see. Superheroes being awesome, punching each other and story that is not completely retarted. I was suprised that not only superheroes where awesome as fuck, not only did they punch each other but FINALLY!!! they fucking murder people.
    In the era of PG rated movies, we have to respect that. Thank you X:First Class for that.

    Story? Stop an evil mutant from starting WWIII. Sounds good, better than the following:

    Stop a bolding dude from sinking America and selling land in a new continent near by.
    Stop a secret ancient asian team of samurais destroy a dying city be releasing gas that turns people crazy though (through the sewage system).
    Stop a terrorist clown.
    Saving the babe from a William Dafoe.
    Stop a scientist from conducting an experiment that will destroy New York (and save the babe from the dude from Frida).
    Save the babe from Tofu Grace with the help of James Franco.
    Pretty much any other comic book movie except from the Avengers.

    And now SPOILER TIME:
    Oh my god….Magneto child murdering the Nazis by squeezing their godamn helmets…did you fucking see that? And the Red Nightcrawler murdering all these CIA agents…FUCK YEAH!!! Did you see that? I almost shat my pants in that scene, if I was younger I would. The children were fucking helpless and then the death of Darwin…I felt sad for someone’s death in a comic book movie, fucking finally.

    • I completely agree. This was pretty much my reaction as well. The action scenes did a great job with my favorite part of the X-Men deal- the rock-paper-scissors nature of fights with a bunch of wild superpowers. I also loved that they had fights where people got killed, just with no gore.

      I’m also always impressed when a story manages to keep you on the edge of your seat when you already know how it ends. And this movie did that! Hooray! Yay, X-Men: First Class!

      Finally, sorry to be pedantic, but Bay of Pigs ≠ Cuban Missile Crisis. (This is true: at the climax, after enjoying two hours of mutants teleporting/ diamond-transforming/ transforming/ etc., I realized that they were staging the Cuban Missile Crisis as if it happened within sight of the beach, and said under my breath, “Oh, bullshit.”)

    • DAYUM! you’re right on the money.
      if i could BAMF! the best attack would be to do just what Nightcrawler did. Although he looked far more sinister in this movie than in the others. his getup in the mid-80′s comics was more ronald mcdonaldish.

      • I think you are referring not to Nightcrawler but to Azazel (the red Nightcrawler guy), right? Azazel is Nightcrawler’s dad (his mother is Mystique— WHU-?!).
        Azazel has the following powers, which made me laugh when I read them:
        Energy blasts
        Master swordsman
        Master of dark arts

        Sounds like he’s all set!

  24. Whenever they talked, it got bad. But when they didn’t talk, I thought the action sequences were actually sort of cool and creative, except when they had terrible special effects, like Banshee and the dragonflywing girl.

    The major thing that I learned was that movies you would never see otherwise, can actually be a lot of fun when seen with a dorky, excitable 11-year-old, and you are wicked stoned.

  25. I’m sorry, but I thought Beast’s costume was awful. It looks like they were trying to base it off the costume for the live action Beauty and the Beast starring Sarah Connors.

  26. Can we all at least agree that January Jones looked incredible?

    (posts picture of January Jones as Emma Frost for the sake of upvotes)

    • She’s got that look in the whole movie. Now THAT’S method acting/thinking: ‘I’m made of ice, I can’t express my emotions la la la la why is that guy with the megaphone screaming also I’m cold, my nipples are getting harder’

  27. easily best part of the movie: Charles and Erik going on a mutant finding montage. why couldn’t the entire movie have been that. “We’ll show you ours if you show us yours”, PLEASE SHOW ME YOURS

  28. So I know I’m late to the comment party so maybe no one see’s this, but, I liked the movie a lot, except…

    “Hey, you like my helmet? It blocks my mind from telepaths, so it’s pretty awesome. How’d I get it? Ahh, the Russians made it. Yeah, they just whipped it up real quick. They’re working on a bandana version so I can look badass on my motorcycle and still keep the aliens out”

    I used to love the x-men comics as a kid, and I never ran into an explanation for how Magento’s helmet works or where it came from, and would’ve been happier if it remained a mystery rather than having to picture Mickey Rourke cobble it together right before he builds his whips and plays with his bird.

    • This movie is non-canonical.
      In The Astonishing X-Men #731 you can clearly see that Magneto found his helmet in a pile of Juggernaut’s poo. The same place they found the script for this stupid film.

  29. I thought Charles was screaming while the coin went through Shaw’s head because he could feel what Shaw was feeling. But I am not the boss of telepathy, so what do I know?

  30. SO, don’t go see this at the drive-in unless you get a great seat up at the front because if you don’t regardless of the thumping bass soundtrack pumping into your car you can at any point lean slightly back in your seat and be watching Kung Fu Panda 2 instead.

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