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Well isn’t someone a handsome Turtle! Now I don’t know that much about how Turtle lives his life day-to-day because I’m not, like, in love with Turtle, but I do know what a person taking charge of his life and getting himself together looks like and I think we’re looking at it, guys! Or he at least went on a diet for a little while and then somebody dressed him up like Adam Scott’s character in Parks and Recreation for this photo. Either way: Congratulations, Turtle! You look great. No asking Vinny Chase for an advance on your car-driver friend paycheck because there’s a sale at the big pants and stupid hat and weed store anymore! Or something I don’t know! Sneakers! Now how about let’s celebrate New Turtle with a caption contest.
Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball and all of Old Turtle’s leftover sports jerseys*. ”Smoke weed.” (Image via TMZ.)
*Videogum reserves the right to change the rules of this contest without notice, in particular this rule.
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Not pictured: A continued career in acting
Sometimes Jenny Craig does wonders for a struggling actor’s career. Just ask Kristie Alley.
I also like his “Newsies”-influenced look
Turtle, just post-molting.
I know it might be easy, but let’s all try to be the bigger man here and pass on this opportunity to mock turtle.
I ate mock turtle soup once without realizing what it was. I just knew it was mock turtle. Those turtles are free to live! So sounds innocent right? NOPE: CALF’S BRAINS.
I think it’s an inspiration. Proof that there is in fact no “skinny” jean.
Vinnie: What happened, did you get a girlfriend or something?
Johnny Drama: Or maybe a boyfriend, by the looks of it!
*They all laugh like it’s the funniest joke that has ever been made*
FIN
“DOWNVOTE!” – Dennis LaBonte, Imperial Wizard, KKK
Haha you watched Entourage.
you forgot the part where it takes place at a roof top bar.
Turtle auditions to join Chromeo
The jersey was the shell, he’s so vulnerable to attack now.
Turtle is now a turtle in a half shell, turtle power
Jerry Ferrara sheds the weight hoping to be cast as Titian*, the fifth ninja turtle, in the upcoming TMNT remake.
* – Note: pronounced “titty-an”
?NEW new Turtle:
Why does he have the state of California embroidered into his suit?
This seems like a good place to drop this. From Videogum Classics:
I very much want this to win the caption contest. Long Live Da Cake Eatur.
Why, when a famous person loses weight, do they suddenly change personalities? They DO make sports jerseys in skinny-people sizes, you know. (Fun fact: many professional atheletes are slim!). They ALSO make button-up shirts and skinny ties in larger sizes.
But I’m glad he didn’t let his new team of stylists talk him into shaving.
Because unattractive people who get makeovers always develop bad attitudes as a result. Haven’t you ever watched any sitcom from before the year 2001?
“Looks like this turtle finally came outta his shell!” – Bandler Ching
This seems less Chandler Bing and more dramatic pause, sunglasses down, YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
The “new Turtle” kind of looks like Turtle and E’s secret lovechild to me.
I can think of at least two reasons that is biologically impossible.
1) Because no one would fuck Turtle.
2) Because E is incapable of love.
Maybe he just wants people to retroactively believe that Jamie-Lynn Sigler would actually fuck Turtle.
they actually dated in real life for awhile, but had to break up because of their careers (snicker)
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/12/22/jaime.lynn.jerry.ferrera.breakup/index.html
Turtle stops eating, wears real shoes.
I thought this is what a smiling turtle looked like:
The New York Knicks find a way to lose even after their season is over.
This is one Turtle’s head I wouldn’t mind touching my underpants.
I imagine he’s a reverse Superman, running to a phone booth to unzip his fat suit and become a mild-mannered out of work actor.
You know one thing I never got about superman is why he wore his costume under his white dress shirt. All those villains and not one of them had X-ray vision? Did he just never go out as Clark Kent when it rained?
The glasses as a disguise? That I totally get.
Some nerds told me the official explanation for why no one recognized Superman is, literally, he VIBRATED AT A DIFFERENT FREQUENCY. Probably the coolest alien superpower (no).
Sorry Marc Ruffalo’s little brother, you have neither the flannel shirt nor the face of your sibling. Hey, would you mind driving an Escalade filled with some models we just met so we can all bone and get herpes? (Not you.)
– Every casting agent ever
Similar ilk joke #2:
Marc Ruffalo cleans up terribly.
Lady boobs are fun and all, but believe me, he’s gonna miss playing with his man boobs after the first month.
We’re gonna need a
biggersmaller Knicks jersey.Gabe & Max: 100 seconds!
(some post the Whoopi “You in danger, gir!” gif!)
I thought David Cross was sufficiently self-possessed to not wear a toupee.
Sorry, I still don’t believe he could nab Meadow Soprano.
Looks like this turtle just became a tortoise! Because tortoises are older and wiser! Because that’s how animals work.
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