If I tried to tell you that one of the Kardashian sisters from the hit show The Kardashian Sisters had written a novel you wouldn’t believe me. You’d say, “Oh come on, I don’t believe you.” They ARE pretty stupid. But so what if I told you that all three of them combined their brains into one small, tiny, ghostwriter brain and wrote a novel together? Still don’t believe me? That is fair. It’s a ridiculous idea. And yet, here we are. There is even a brief description of this “book.”

This fictional page turner takes readers inside the lives of three gorgeous celebrity sisters, their complicated relationships with Hollywood, each other, and the glamorous lives they lead in front of the cameras and behind the scenes. It will be up to readers to figure out which parts of the novel are based on truth and which are purely imagined….

Hahhaha. Uh. Hahahhahaha! What a great book. WHERE DO THEY GET THEIR IDEAS?! Of course, because it takes three of them to write a book, you’d need a fourth one to come up with a title. That’s where we come in! There is a contest to name it, so let’s win that contest! We’re smart! (Not actually sure if that is a plus in this situation.) The rules are here (via Gawker). It does involve following the publisher on Twitter and Tweeting your suggestions at them, so please use the hashtag #videogumeverywhere just so they know we don’t want any trouble. Not us, man. We just want our agents to come home safe. Or even better, stay home in the first place.

Comments (86)
  1. What These Spanx Have Seen

  2. Jiggle-oes

  3. Use-lysses

  4. Mr. Toe’s Wild Ride

  5. I actually did one on twitter. And it was stupid as shit. Are you sure we’re smart, Gabe? I suggested KOMING KLEAN.

    • But, on the real tip, you know KOMING KLEAN is going to win. That shit is KLASSIK.

      • Though, thinking about it, this is what the winner gets:
        The grand prize winner will have their suggested title printed on the cover of the book and their name featured in the story! All five finalists will each receive a copy of the book signed by Kourtney, Kim and Khloé Kardashian.

        I don’t even know if I want that prize. My name in a Kardashian book? In what context? Is it a dedication, because even coming from a Kardashian I’ve never met, a book dedication is pretty sweet. Or is it just that like I show up at some party and Kourtney walks in on me doing blow off a toilet seat or something, because I would not like that one bit!

        • “Bruce Jenner was in the middle of one of his epic 10-hour long sobbing sessions, when he noticed that Kourtney had just walked into the house carrying her baby under her arm, like it was a loaf of bread.

          ‘Kourtney,’ said Bruce, face puffy from a combination of crying and botox. ‘You can’t carry your baby like that!’

          Kourtney looked down at the baby. ‘Heh. How long have I been carrying this thing around? All day? I have a baby? Oh, yeah.”

          Bruce shook his head and thought of happier times, the 1976 Olympics, meeting Gerry Ford at the White House and that time that Cathie Lee Crosby gave him a hummer back stage at ‘The $10,000 Pyramid.’ He then reached under the couch cushion, searching in vain for another tube of Superglue to huff and dull the pain.”

          • Kris Kardashian put down the phone and sighed. No matter how many times she told her daughters they were fat, it never seemed to work.
            “I don’t understand. What am I doing wrong? I think I need an expert.”
            She called her maid, Rosa, and had her bring the Yellow Pages. Then she had her gardener Carl explain how the Yellow Pages work. Finally, she flipped through them.
            “Hmmm…Outboard motors…Padded bras…aha! Parenting experts,” Kris Kardashian twirled her finger around and pointed randomly at one of the entries.
            “This guy sounds promising – I bet he can tell me all about how to be a good parent!” she said, and began to dial Werttrew’s number.

          • snorted.

          • meaning i snorted. at how funny that was.

        • “…and then Brooke was like, totally mad, you know?”
          Kourtney rolled her eyes. She had heard Maddyson’s story about Tiffani and Jarrod’s ugly break up about four times. She looked around her, at the rest of the club.
          Their table was behind the heavy curtain that meant they were special people, and better than everyone else. But the curtain was open a little bit on purpose so that the poor people could see what they were missing.
          Most of the people in the regular part of the club were trying to see behind the curtain without looking like they were trying to see behind the curtain. Usually, this would have made Kourtney happy, but not this evening.
          What had caught her eye was the one person in the club who didn’t seem to care that she and her sisters were there – and Kourtney knew immediately who it was.
          “Godsauce,” she hissed. “How dare he come here?”
          She picked up her pink cocktail, and chewed the cherry angrily. Then she spit the cherry into a napkin, because she wasn’t allowed the calories. She flicked her hair, pulled back her shoulders, and marched out of the special area and over to wear Godsauce was talking to a pretty redhead.
          “Get out of here, bitch,” said Kourtney. “This is between me and Godsauce.”
          Then she threw her drink at his chest. But Godsauce just chuckled and smiled kindly.
          “Oh, Kourtney. Really? I thought you were better than this. I really did.”
          Kourtney’s resolve disappeared, and she began to cry. Godsauce opened his arms for a hug, and patted her head as she sobbed into his chest.

  6. A Hard Man Is Good To Find

  7. Life of Pie: Khloe’s Tales

  8. “A fictional page turner” is correct because it’s fiction that this book is a page-turner. Get it?

  9. Necronomikardashian

  10. The Bitches of Los Angeles County

  11. Skanky Toilet Paper

  12. Everyone’s Inferno

  13. I’m really hoping this book is a fictionalized portrait of the Andrews sisters.

  14. The Korandashian

  15. They could call it “Our Struggle.” Of course, their names our so long, they should just shorten it to an acronym. Maybe they could take the first letter from each of their names.

    • Wow, this joke is like one of those Russian Dolls where you open it and inside there’s another doll and you open that and — well, usually there’d be another doll, but this time there’s just some amateur porn transforming someone who’s not exactly book smart into someone super famous and rich and getting a TV show for all the dolls and ultimately making them all “book smart.”

  16. Now With Page(s)!

  17. The Late, Great Planet Earth

  18. A Song of Money and Tans

  19. Oh the Places We’ll Ho!

  20. Sisterhood of the Fancy Pants

  21. Booty Kall

  22. Kassandra Kavanaugh’s Konfidential Klassik

  23. The Lying, the Bitching and the Wardrobe Assisting.

  24. Wouldn’t anyone who cares about these girls just watch the show on E! vs read a book about them?

  25. Kim’s Sex Tape: The Novelization

  26. My choices are:

    “Seriously? Seriously.”
    “There Are Pictures In Here!”

  27. Keeping Up With Snooki.

  28. Eeeeeeeuueeeeeeurrreeegghhnneerrrrn: A Novel

  29. A Konfederacy of Dunces

  30. “A Book, WE’RE TOLD”

  31. A Visit From the Poon Squad

  32. Pride and Prejudice and Idiots

  33. An Idiot’s Guide To Urine Based Fame

  34. Booty Booty Booty Booty Rocking Everywhere: A Novel.

  35. Are You There, Kim? It’s Us, Kourtney & Kim. We’re Stuck In Your Ass. Also You’re Terrible. Actually, We All Are: A Kautionary Tale: The Movie

  36. A Konfederacy of Douches

  37. Where the Vile Things Are

  38. Absurdashian

  39. How are People Still Asking how the Publishing and Bookselling Industry and is Failing?

  40. Necronomicon

  41. Remembrances of Kim’s Ass

  42. Kaptain Underpants and the Case of the 3 Dumb, Big Assed Sisters

  43. Love in the Time of Kholera

  44. All the Pretty Whores

  45. Steal This Book and Then Burn It

  46. A Light in the Ass-ic

  47. Middlesex (and all other types of sex as well)

  48. The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Complete Idiots

  49. Cristal for Elephants

  50. 1984 Pounds

  51. Between this and learning Sarah Palin is releasing a movie… I miss the Rapture, you guys.

  52. An Assfair to Remembogle

  53. Super Sad True Shit Story
    The Khommunist Manifesto
    Ass Gravity’s Rainbow

  54. Inside the KKK (you know they so would)

  55. Eat Pray Love

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