We all get older, you guys. We’re all getting older right now! By the time you finish reading this, you will be older than when you started. Sorry to get so deep with you right at the end of the day. Sorry to open your eyes, sheeple. But it’s true! There is no helping it. The best we can all hope to do is to age with dignity and with grace. And hopefully to come to some kind of terms with our own mortality. So, on the one hand, you can’t really begrudge Harrison Ford’s appearance on the July/August issue of AARP magazine. He’s getting older and he recognizes that and if someone asks you to be on the cover of a magazine in this world you probably accept that offer. But it is funny. I mean, come on, AARP magazine? OK, gramps. I’m also not sure those earrings that Harrison Ford is always wearing is the definition of aging with dignity and grace. So. Well, let’s send the old man off into his golden years with one last round of captions. But hurry it up, it’s already way past his bed time.

Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. That is the next best thing to a Werther’s Original stuck all over with lint! (Via JustJared. Click through to enlarge.)

Comments (85)
  1. I belong in a museum!

  2. Get off my plane lawn!

  3. Give me back my family!

  4. Han So Old

  5. Get off my lawn!

  6. Arthritis…why did it have to be arthritis?

  7. What a coincidence! His wife was just on the cover of Better Homes and Skeletons.

  8. Heard they’re making a docudrama about his hair: Six Grays, Seven Whites

  9. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good denture cream at your side, kid.”

  10. “Hey! Hey, sonny! Take out your damn earbuds. Did I ever tell you about the time I did the kessel run in less than 12 parsecs?… You did? Well, I’m gonna tell you again.”

  11. When you die, you get to be on the cover of HARP magazine.

  12. So you’re on a magazine cover. That’s great, kid. Don’t get cocky!

  13. “Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don’t care what you smell down there!”

  14. Pictured: The newest model of the Millennium Falcon.

  15. Scoundrel…? I liiiiiiike thaaaaaaaat…

  16. “Who’s scruffy looking? Because it certainly is not me. I look fantastic!”

  17. Star Wars Episode XIV: Incoherent Ramblings Of The Sith About How Much Better Everything Was Back In Their Day

  18. And I thought AARP smelled bad on the outside.

  19. Where did you dig up that old fossil?

  20. ” Where is my reduced price coffee?” – Harrison Ford, everywhere probably.

  21. When I was your age, Han shot first.

  22. And I thought nursing homes smelled bad on the outside!

  23. Not the joint aches

    • Sorry I temporarily confused Indiana Jones and The Wicker Man, it should read “Why did it have to be joint aches?”

  24. “With Viagra, there’s always time for love.” -Dr. Jones

  25. the only quote i want is an apology for crystal skull. his face does not look like he is going to apologize.

  26. “GET OFF MY LAWN.”

  27. I would buy this magazine if it said Harrison Ford Dr. Richard Kimble on the cover.

    • I would buy this magazine if Jessica Alba were on the cover and there were more pictures printed inside. Her, or Natalie Portman. Or Allison Brie from that community tv program.

  28. Now where did I put that Ark… Jesus… MARION. MARION. WHERE DID I PUT THE GODDAMN ARK!?

  29. More like page 69. Amiright ladies?

  30. Meanwhile, in Tiger Beat…
    Obama’s Bieber Birthday Party!!!!!!


    There’s been a mistake at AARP Magazine HQ, guys! This whole issue was supposed to be the John Travolta Special Collector’s Edition, about how he is aging gracefully and pioneering dignified roles for older people, like in the critically-acclaimed film Wild Hogs.

  32. I thought replicants only had a built-in four-year lifespan.

  33. “That’s no moon… It’s a prostate.”

  34. “I’m in it for the money!”


  36. “Listen to me.

    “The Harrison Ford on the cover of AARP magazine you delivered is not the Harrison Ford on the cover of AARP magazine I ordered.

    “I’m having a party on Friday and the Harrison Ford on the cover of AARP magazine sitting in my dining room looks like a goddamn turtle.”

  37. “It’s not the years, it’s the Josh Hartnett buddy cop pictures.”

  38. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good bargain at your side, kid.” – Han Solo, AARP style

  39. “Did I already work around the clock today?”

  40. Last week I did the Metamucil Run for Rheumatoid Arthritis in less than 12 parsecs.

  41. Leia: I love you.
    Han: What?

  42. Chronic back pain is the reason he must keep his hands so low.

  43. Laugh it up, Monster’s Ball.

  44. I’d still tap that.

  45. “Hey Harrison, whatcha doin’?”
    Harrison Ford: “Paintin’. Crackers.”

  46. I just want my family’s life insurance back! … because of the economy.

  47. They asked me and I said why not.

  48. More like: Harrison F-old.

  49. Harrison Ford… Still just a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.

  50. Good magazine! Good formatting! Good advice!

  51. Harrison Ford: “I WANT MY BELT BACK!”

  52. I might be 68 but I can still kick your ass or steal you woman!

  53. Bran Solo

  54. He had a mechanical arm

  55. When 900 years old you reach, look this good, you will not, hmm?

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