I don’t really understand the TED Conference. What is it? I know that it’s supposed to be the world’s great thinkers providing freeform lectures somewhere in California on topics of their own choosing in order to engender creative thinking, or whatever, I get THAT part, but, like, who goes to this thing? I just imagine a room full of Stephen Hawking clones sitting elbow-to-elbow in a straight line listening to Elizabeth Gilbert talk about being a genius, but that can’t be right. How are you going to get all of the Stephen Hawking clones in the same room? They’re busy doing all of Stephen Hawking’s chores and filling in for Stephen Hawking at work while Stephen Hawking sleeps in! (No joke, though, that Elizabeth Gilbert thing is easily one of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my entire life and I’m pretty sure it single-videohandedly devalues whatever the TED Conference even is.) Anyway, here is a real speech from the TED Conference about how to tie your shoes.

Bartender, a round of Macarthur Grants for my friend here and keep ‘em coming! (It’s cool how I make fun of this video and yet am totally going to start tying my shoes this way and acting like a real Smart Pants.)

Comments (40)
  1. I’m not going to make any major changes until I hear Kirk Cameron weigh in on this one.

    • This just in from Kirk Cameron’s God’s Law Blog:

      “Terry Moore is heralded as ‘the genius of Payless,’ yet he believes in the scientific impossibility that the bunny jumped into the hole and that he popped out the other side. Why should anyone believe Mr. Moore’s writings if he cannot provide evidence for his unscientific belief that, out of the hole, a bunny came?”… “[Moore] says he knows there is no bunny. John Lennon wasn’t sure. He said the bunny was Paul. Then he said “I am the eggman, they are the eggman”. Such wishful thinking reveals John and Terry’s religious beliefs, not good science.”

  2. “I will show conclusively, in this next test, that the rabbit does in fact go around the tree and then BACK down the hole.”

  3. You guys…I have been tying my shoes like this forever, and was kind of unaware that there was any other way. I feel a completely unwarranted sense of pride right now.

    • It took me about 10 minutes to figure out how to tie my shoes the incorrect way. I’ve been doing it correctly, yet my shoes STILL constantly come untied. BULLROAR.

  4. He’s just being a jerk, look my shoes are tied and they don’t fall off all the time so don’t tell me how to tie them

    • I wish I was there to heckle this guy in the form of unstrapping and strapping my velcro shoes.

      • Now I am thinking that Bush heckler was throwing his shoe to draw attention to our failed expansionist policies– specifically, our desire to spread the preference for weak knots.

  5. I find this funny because all the actual super geniuses I’ve ever met don’t wear tie shoes. They prefer velcro or slip-ons, I swear this is not snark, because they’re so lost in their thoughts of whatever that they have difficulty or are even incapable of noticing and attending to practical matters. I’ve seen some of the smartest people on the planet walk into walls and not realize it.

  6. I’m still waiting for someone to teach me how to stow my lunch money in the side pocket of my Roos like a genius.

  7. On closer inspection, these are loafer.

    (The Simpsons)

  8. If the camera man would have just moved the camera to the far east side of the room, they would have recorded a demonstration of how to tie your shoes like a G-6.

  9. My dad goes, its a room full of nerds

  10. Pfft! I got around the shoe lace issue years ago.

  11. I like to think that this Terry Moore fella has a Moriarty-type nemesis who was behind the curtain attempting to steal the perfect shoe-tying formula and claim it for himself. Foiled again!

  12. My dad has always tied his shoes this way! After I learned how to do it the “weak way” in kindergarten (I guess I was a late bloomer? I know kids are like tying their shoes in the womb now) he tried to teach me how to do it his way but I never could learn! :’(

  13. It’s kind of refreshing that a super genius actually learned something from a shoe store guy. He should have brought the shoe store guy to the conference for the presentation.

  14. Bizarro James Lipton

  15. Bunny ears, FTW!

  16. I’ve read about this right-vs-wrong shoelace technique before. It’s actually just the difference between tying a true square knot and a granny knot.

    And it’s sorta crap because I always tie a square knot (it comes more naturally to us lefties, since it depends on what direction you do your initial over-and-under step), yet my shoes still refuse to remain tied.

    This is purely to make people feel like they are clever and know a trick, but doesn’t actually work well.

  17. You really don’t like that Elizabeth Gilbert talk? I mean, I understand why people are down on Gilbert for taking a lavish trip around the world and seriously wondering why everyone doesn’t do it, but I actually really like her TED talk. It’s inspiring to talk about creativity and where it comes from and how to foster it. At least to me.

    • I enjoyed the talk, too. I think Gabe’s objection is that she considers her work ‘genius’. It would have been nice if that talk came from someone with a little more merit, like Nicholas Sparks.

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