She‘s back! And as smart and sophisticated as ever!

What is she talking about, ever? And why does she talk like she’s sounding out the words from an English Language cassette for dyslexic creatures from outer-space? “My friend sent me a textareyouabigdeal?” Normal. The only person better at acting than Katherine Chloe Cahoon is the woman who played the Hollywood Secretary. “You must be the new Hollywood employee here are your work documents and your 401k your office is upstairs congratulations on your retirement here is a watch.” I guess one of us is just going to have to marry her to get to the bottom of it. Whoever the lucky guy is, I hope you aren’t not not on a diet (?) and that you like (making ads for) cupcakes! (Thanks for the tip, Gideon.)

Comments (61)
  1. Crumbs, i guess. What’s the difference? Why does it matter? What does it have to do with anything?

    • Think of Cahoon as the Buddha. “Are you a Crumbs or a Sprinkles?” followed by a cut to a still image of a book cover wholly unrelated to the question, prompts the viewer to think, “What? What does that matter? What does anything matter? Do I exist and is this happening?”

  2. She HAS to teach me how to sound like I’m talking in voice over. That has to be how she snags all those European men…

    • I just paused the video to comment on this! I think that’s the secret to her bizarre cadence. She must talk slowly and over-enunciate when recording so that she’s got some wiggle room when she does the VO.

      It just ends up being simultaneously hypnotizing and terrifying.

      *I dunno if this is an obvious thing to everyone else, but I JUST realized it and I feel like I’ve cracked the mystery of the Sphinx or something!

      • I’ve been singularly obsessed with this woman ever since I saw her first video, and now instinctively check on what is probably a bi-weekly basis for new videos (needless to say; her glamorous life is old news to me). Yet I never clicked until just now that the reason she sounds like the audiobook of “Human Beings for Alien Dummies” is because she re-dubs her videos! Which, I have to admit is weirdly disappointing.

        But then I rewatched the video (and also several interviews where she isn’t editing the footage) and noticed she uses the exact same intonation in segments of pure voice over and natural speech. Which really relieved me as now I can continue my fawning admiration of her unabashed.

        Also, just in case I didn’t come off a bizarrely obsessed before, it was recently my 21st birthday and amongst the many gifts I received from my friends was my own copy of The Single Girls Guide to Meeting European Men. I’ve read it twice. Cover. To. Cover.

  3. Woah, hold up. She retweeted Chris Trash. She’s a friend.

  4. Is it just me or do the parts of her face not quite match up quite right? Like, they are all perfectly ok parts themselves. They just look like they were randomly layered on top of each other like in one of those kids books that has each page divided into three so that you can create silly animals and such.

  5. I was having a tough time following along with the video until she inserted a clip of “Takin’ Care of Business” at the precise moment she began to take care of business. Thanks, Katherine! I get it now.

  6. We’re all laughing but I think she might have just had a stroke

  7. Crumbs are not cupcakes. You need utensils to eat them. More like halfcakes.

  8. We’re positive she’s a human, right? Like, that she’s not an alien impersonating a human but skipped all of the homework and just watched twenty minutes of Bravo and called it good?

  9. I’m not really sure who she is, what she’s trying to prove or what this video is about, but I do know that I watched every second of it. I’m always slightly put off by single matchmakers. So glad Patti the Millionaire Matchmaker finally got hitched. Fingers crossed for Mystery!

  10. “It seems that not many girls in Beverly Hills are not on diets” -Katherine Chloe Cahoon, successful screenwriter

  11. “Basically, I’m whoever you want me to be.”

    Except apparently, some one who can talk without using awkward hand gestures.

  12. She reminds me of Katherine from Greek. Only Katherine from Greek was fun to watch.

  13. If you spend your day waiting in line for a cupcake, you do not deserve to wear a business suit.

  14. If she was in an episode of X-Files, I’d be like, “Too obvious. Someone ELSE must be the alien in human disguise.”

    But I’d be wrong.

  15. Unless, of course, you were hired to wait in line for a cupcake while wearing a business suit, which is a job I’d very much like to have.

    • Just apply to Miller/Gold Talent Agency and I’m sure all your Hollywood dreams will come true.

      *shoots self for making Entourage reference*

  16. She has 2 cupcakes? And she’s trying to act like her life isn’t glamorous? GImme a break.

  17. Katherine Chloe Cahoon: The answer to the question “What would happen if a Norwegian Frankenstein and a raccoon had a baby?”

  18. she sliding down the uncanny valley from the wrong side. in the wrong direction. are we sure she’s not CGI’d? is this tintin? is this l.a. noire? is this the christmas train movie?

  19. Her life is one long #humblebrag.

  20. This is my favorite part — when Katherine Chloe Cahoon and Hollywood Secretary both look down simultaneously at the script to see whose turn it is to talk.

  21. “It’s right her on liddddllleesanamanigahhh.”

  22. A radio mic is like 50 bucks, lady. Maxing out your Radio Shack Club Card has got to be better than spending 10 hours re-dubbing your creepy vlog.

  23. To answer you question, Katherine, I am going to go with Crumbs by default. Simply b/c Sprinkles is a bunch of hype. There are way better cupcakes out there. I am looking you Hey Cupcake in Austin!

  24. If I remember math correctly, she could have a baby with Top Chef Angelo and it would be pretty much the most normal, human baby ever born, right?

  25. I’m super confused. What do Beverly Hills cupcakes have to do with meeting (marrying?) European men? Or screenwriting? Or life? And why does she look like her arms need oil in the beginning. GAH! WHY DO I JUST WANT TO PUNCH HER IN THE FACE THE MINUTE I SEE HER WIDE AND EMPTY EYES???!!!!!

  26. It’s good to know that most Hollywood screenwriting/business-y meetings take place at The Grove. You can drop by the Apple store if you have some extra time.

  27. Did anyone else notice that almost all of the shots that had Kathleen Cloaca Calhoun in them were entirely static (excepting her coming down the stairs, spinning, getting out of a car, and maybe her showing her name badges, but that may have been wind shaking the camera), suggesting that she couldn’t find anyone to film and just threw the camera on a tripod?

    And, really, that’s her impressive Hollywood day? We have elevators, clocks, and cupcakes in Texas too, lady.

  28. I want to edit video of myself with video footage of Hollywood studios, too, so I can have a glamorous life.

  29. Also, so many of the locations where she shot were bizarrely empty. Many questions can be asked about LA but “where are all the people?” is not one of them. It’s like watching an episode of Scooby Doo, where the only people they encounter are people who are pivotal to the solving on the crime.

  30. If she was like 35% uglier this could be a Tim and Eric skit. It’s that bizarre.

  31. I love that the car she was getting out of was some basic non descript rental car. It complimented her acting prefectly.

  32. If everything in that video is “glamorous,” then all the things my aunt found in her Fodor’s guide really are “off the beaten path.”

  33. I hope to someday be as glamorous as she is, and to afford a customized teleprompter that doesn’t have annoying punctuation marks in it.

  34. This video is brilliantly funny. KCC finds the humor in everyday life and doesn’t take herself seriously. That is so refreshing today. It’s especially unusual considering that she’s gorgeous, young, and accomplished in a career where success usually comes at a much older age, if at all. The saying in her industry is that doing what she does is “like catching lightning in a bottle ten times.”

  35. To those of you who are scratching your heads over the fact that Katherine Chloe Cahoon’s business involves driving mid-range rental cars, going up elevators, and in and out of offices to attend meetings, and dealing with receptionists who think she’s the new assistant instead of the writer, THAT’S THE POINT!!! She clearly states at the beginning of this video that even though reporters write that she has a glamorous life and fans ask her about it, hers is just a business. Considering how extremely young she is for her success in this field, and how rare it is for anyone to get her foot in that door, it’s no wonder receptionists jump to the wrong conclusion. Considering how beautiful she is, Katherine probably gets mistaken for an actress when she comes to the studios too. But she’s too humble to say that, much less put it in her video. Her admission that after an especially taxing day she heads to Crumbs for a big cupcake is refreshing. This girl is so down to earth. I LOVE HER!

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