somewhere

The Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time has been on hiatus for a month and a half, and there was a moment there where I thought perhaps the hiatus was permanent. Perhaps, I thought for a few of those weeks, our work here is done. We have chased more than a thousand movies (I’m sure that number is accurate) through these proverbial nightmare woods, and we’ve slain some of the most awful beasts. Especially with the last entry, Garden State, it seemed as if we had plumbed the awful depths and we had struck the silty, stinky bottom. Enough, I thought. What else? Sleep, I thought. Let us sleep.

And then something happened.

This past weekend, I saw the movie Somewhere, written and directed by Sofia Coppola. HOLY MOLY IS THAT A TERRIBLE MOVIE! One of the worst of all time. I have a lot to say about it, and I’m going to. Later. But in watching that self-indulgent episode of Entourage, I realized with sadness that our work was hardly finished. There was still plenty left to do. And so: THE HUNT CONTINUES! Nominate your movies here. Next week we will announce the latest round, starting with Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere. When considering whether or not to nominate a movie for the Hunt, please review the Official Rules:

  1. It cannot be intentionally horrible.
  2. It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No “outsider art.”)
  3. It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
  4. It has to have had a theatrical release.
  5. It must be available on Netflix.
  6. No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
  7. No musicals.
  8. No Robin Williams movies (Note: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
  9. Only one Nicolas Cage movie per “round.”
  10. No children’s movies.
  11. Gabe is the boss.

Sigh. It is like we have taken the black. Game of Thrones reference. Would that a White Walker would chop my fucking head off. Enough complaining. Neck crack. OK. SOUND THE HORNS, THE HUNT BEGINS ANEW!

Comments (462)
  1. Guys, if you want to know what films have been covered for the Hunt before:

    http://www.mobfd.biz/the-worst-movie-of-all-time-the-complete-list/

  2. The other day I was reading a discussion online about Magnolia. These folks were raving about how great they still thought that movie was. I thought to myself, “I always thought that the film was a pretentious mess, the kind of pretentious mess WMOAT skewers so well. Hmm, I wonder, has Gabe ever written about Magnolia?”

    So I did some searching on Videogum and found a reference. Gabe is on record as saying: “I hated Magnolia, but There Will Be Blood was pretty great.”–> http://bit.ly/d0tkBH

    I’d like him to expand on that. Magnolia needs to be eviscerated in the same way Garden State and American Beauty were. So Gabe: Do Magnolia.

    • agreed, magnolia was pretty bad

    • No joke. I freaking love Magnolia.

    • Seconded! I was in film school when that pretentious movie came out, and I felt like I was the only person there who hated it. So many fellow classmates kept using it as a point of reference in their film proposals. Like it was something to aspire to! Like Citizen Kane, or something. GAWD I hated that movie.

      • is magnolia the movie that ends with the game show kid standing up to his bullying father and says something like “you have to be nice to me” and the dad cries or something? Yuck. And it rains frogs and William H. Macy breaks his teeth on the sidewalk, John C Reilly is the cop who tells a cussing child “hey fella I’m not trying to hear that word” or am I thinking of a different movie? yuck unsubscribe

      • Can we talk about the word “pretentious” for a second? When did it become such a common insult. It seems whenever a movie or book or record gets really ambitious while taking itself seriously, it gets labeled as pretentious. Why? That’s not a real critique.

        Is Magnolia pretentious because it attempts to tell the very small stories of multiple characters and paint it on a very large canvas in order to find the universal in the personal? Sure, it’s not perfect but it’s trying something and that alone wins me over.

        Movies no one has ever called pretentious:
        Transformers
        Cop Out
        Final Destination 4
        All About Steve
        Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
        Wild Hogs
        Old Dogs

        Even if the film is terrible, I’ll usually take “pretentious” over “completely fucking empty”.

        • Yes. This. Thank you.

        • Preach.

        • Ugh, are you guys talking about Magnolia? SO HOITY-TOITY

        • Because in 2011, being ambitious IS pretentious.

          On a side note: I’ve never been able to watch more than 10 minutes of both Cop Out and Old Dogs. I was bored on a plane and tried to start watching Cop Out THREE TIMES on that flight and still never got past the 10-minute mark.

          I have to agree with you, Cop Out is… not… pretentious.

          • Cop Out though is empty, dumb fun. I didn’t love it, but i knew what to expect (not much + Tracy Morgan) and it didn’t disappoint…right? I think i liked it. I don’t really remember anything about it though… anything at all.

        • OK, I agree in part. I generally prefer overreaching over empty. But I’d much rather watch Final Destination over Crash. But then I’d also rather watch Requiem for a Dream over Wild Hogs. So, it’s hard to generalize.

          Maybe I just associate “pretentious” with the “smug assholes” I went to school with, who spoke about this film like it was King Lear.

          Regardless, I’d love to read Gabe’s review of it.

        • Agreed. Magnolia’s a failure, but it’s a magnificent one.

        • I agree 100%. Pretentious means ‘claiming great importance, often undeserved.’ PTA and other ‘auteur’ directors are making films that MEAN something to them, and they hope that that meaning comes across in the film and can affect the viewer in a meaningful way. If it doesn’t work on you it does NOT mean the ‘great importance’ is undeserved. Emotional moments and affective films aren’t done by accident. All artists are claiming great importance, otherwise they would not be artists.

        • All About Steve is actually pretty cute. Way better than other stupid comedies where the girl works as a journalist of some sort and just cant find the guy. Sad this got the Razzie, because it was quite funny about 5 times.

    • I love Paul Thomas Anderson and will defend most of his films to the death, but absolutely can’t stand Magnolia.

    • Ahhh! I fucking love Magnolia, but would love to see Gabe skewer it for WMOAT.

      So I’m voting for Magnolia, a movie I think is great?

    • I have to vote against Magnolia being a worst anything of anything. I think you’re all jealous, honestly.

    • As usual I am way way too late to this party, but it seems no one has mentioned the two things that I typed the LAST time Magnolia appeared in a Videogum comment thread (in the History of Violence WMOAT, last November!), which I will now cut and paste:

      1) Magnolia is THE EXACT SAME MOVIE as Robert Altman’s Short Cuts, except Short Cuts is better and wittier and less mawkish and more genuinely moving and with better soundtrack.

      2) William H. Macy’s character. Particularly in the light of Philip Seymore Hoffman’s character in Boogie Nights. I mean, I’m not saying that PTA insists on portraying gay men as subhuman caricatures, I’m just saying he’s never NOT portrayed a gay man as a subhuman caricature.

      When I posted these observations six months ago, I got a lot of downvotes!

  3. I think it fits within the rules of the Hunt, so I want to officially nominate Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie.

    Take arguably the most popular fantasy franchise in the world, with tons of material to craft stories from. Contaning all fantasy tropes, plus creating some own material, everyone is able to write a good idea for a movie based on this. Except the people who actually wrote the movie. Starring Academy Award-winning actor Jeremy Irons, Thora Birch, the guy who played Jimmy Olsen and one of the Wayans for some reason, this movie feels kind of like the cartoon, but dumbed down, unfunny and stupid. You could do a better movie by filming LARP’ers with your cell phone.

    The special effects were so bad, the story is bullshit, no one has a decent backstory, the make-up was ridiculous, one of the main villains wears blue lipstick? I saw this in theaters and hated it soooooo much. And I was a kid, who liked that kind of stuff (even though never having played D&D). Imagine how all the hardcore gamers who went to see it felt. If you are one, please feel free to share your story here.

    Epilogue: The worst thing is that this movie is that is was terrible, but that was at the time somewhat of a given at the time for fantasy movies. One year later: Harry Potter AND LOTR:FOTR drop. Oh snap. Great special effects, believable backstories, the kids in Harry Potter acted better, which makes me hate Dungeons & Dragons even more. So, so, SO bad. Just take everything you like from Game of Thrones and reverse that for D&D. A serious piece of shit if there ever was one.

    • I saw this in theaters. I need 40 CCs of liquid Forget-Me-Not serum, stat!

    • There was one section in the movie where the Wayans brother and his friend disappear into some sort of warp hole and then when they emerge, I got the feeling that there were just rolls and rolls of film that were cut out. It was so jarring and I am sure there is another movie that happens in that hole.

  4. One of my friends told me to watch this. I knew it was going to be bad. I wasn’t prepared for how bad. I challenge you, Gabe, to sit through 90 MINUTES OF RYAN RENOYLDS IN A FREAKING BOX.

  5. I nominate this once again. This is the atheist version of a chick tract disguised as a high concept movie.


    I would also like to add this movie to my nominations:


    It’s just simply the worst job done by a major director I have ever seen. It’s kind of hard to make a comedy/action movie that makes sense as a whole. I liked Date Night, The Good Guys and Pineapple Express, but those movies are very uneven. This on the other hand is just a bad movie all the way through. It feels like a band that is jamming for the first time and they are all playing a different song.
    -Professor Metaphors

    • Double yes for The Invention of Lying. THE WORST.

      • Invention of Lying is offensively bad. It has a good cast and seemingly smart people behind it, but it just ends up being a misogynistic, boring, lazy nightmare. The whole movie is based on a FLAW IN LOGIC (not to do Gabe’s work for him, but “saying what you think all the time with no filter” is NOT the same as “telling the truth”). PLEASEEE Gabe.

        Also, I will say Valkyrie til I die.

        • Picking between Valkyrie and Invention of Lying for which film to second here is a serious Sophie’s Choice situation. With that, I submit “Sophie’s Choice” as my nomination.

        • Oh no! I enjoyed Valkyrie. I thought it was interesting in a historical-re-enactment-that-may-not-be-remotely-factual-and-shown-on-the-History-channel kind of way.

      • I really liked the first two acts of The Invention of Lying, but the third act was where the “train” (the movie, if you will) hit the “manhole cover-sized penny on the tracks” (got bad, if you will).

      • Double down on the worst with The Invention of Lying AND Cemetery Junction. Kinda having a rage stroke right now just thinking of both of them and that they happened.

    • YES YES YES for the Invention of Lying. What a self-indulgent piece of crap!

    • I wish The Invention of Lying had ended after the first hour. Good lord, that movie was way too long.

  6. I would love love love to see a takedown of Please Give. It seems like a Being White Is Hard movie which I know is well covered WMOAT territory, but it throws in an M. Night Shyamalan twist: it’s actually a Being Guilty About Being White Is Hard movie!!!

    THE WHITES WERE GUILTY THE WHOLE TIME!

  7. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • I’m not sure if this is a ploy to get your lowest rated or not, but I will assume the worst.

      • I genuinely dislike this movie, and the whole genre that it and the other Wes Anderson movies inspired. In his (Wes Anderson)’s defense, I haven’t seen Rushmore since it first came out, and I really liked Fantastic Mr. Fox, even though I went into it expecting to hate it (great attitude, I know).

        The fact is that I know plenty of weird people who don’t really do anything interesting other than existing and being slightly quirky. I don’t need to see a two hour movie of that.

        • What did you think of the Wes Anderson film, “Man on the 5 train licks his shoe like it’s the last Fudgecicle on the goddam planet”?

        • Wes Anderson Movie: Character has a blank look on his face, therefore he is deep. Slow motion to an old french song, bald Natalie Portmans ass. Roll credits.

        • I will not debate you on the point that it spawned a thousand poor, poor imitations (e.g. The Brothers Bloom. Also some good ones–e.g. Charlie Bartlett).

          But I will forever debate you on the merits of Royal Tenenbaums. Debate you while Elliot Smith music plays in the background and until dalmatian mice nibble away my toes.

        • I, too, dislike Wes Anderson films for the most part, and I too am very ostracized in this community for those sorts of comments. I feel your pain, but you are not alone! Let us unite against boring films with purposefully unlikeable characters and undersaturated color schemes!

      • Hey guys, we should probably lay off lawblog a bit here. He’s just expressing his opinion!

        After all, there are much worse things out there worth downvoting.

        Just sayin.

    • You can have The Life Aquatic as being terrible and when Wes Anderson went to the dark side, and The Royal Tenenbaums hasn’t aged well, but it’s still a GOOD movie. Not great, but good.

      Leave it alone.

    • I unapologetically love The Royal Tenenbaums and Rushmore. The Life Aquatic and the Fantastic Mr. Fox I like. Bottle Rocket and The Darjeeling Limited I could take or leave.

      Gene Hackman as Royal Tenenbaum is so fucking good.

      Chas: What’d you think, Dad?
      Royal: Ehh, didn’t seem believable to me.
      Chas: Well, did you at least think the characters were well developed?
      Royal: What characters? There’s a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes.
      Margot: Good night, everyone.
      Royal: Well, sweetie, don’t get mad at me. That’s just one man’s opinion.

      And this comment is just one man’s opinion.

      • Royal Tenenbaums is definitely in my top 5. I can see why people wouldn’t like it, but it is a movie that can make me laugh and cry, and I believe that if you pause it at any scene, it would make a well composed photograph.

      • In college, I saw Rushmore and of course, thought it was great. Then I recently re-watched it, and still think it’s great. Royal Tenenbaums: “A” for effort, Hackman and Huston are wonderful, of course. Darjeeling Limited, I actually really kinda liked! Life Aquatic, I could take or leave.

    • It’s not just quirky people doing stuff, though, its incredibly rich and incredibly white and incredibly bored and incredibly whiny quirky people doing stuff

    • “Tenenbaums” is where Anderson lost his mojo, IMHO. It’s the movie where the energy and imagination of “Bottle Rocket” and “Rushmore” were overtaken by the artifice and mannerisms of… uh, pretty much everything after. Not terrible, but overrated.

      • There are only so many comments I can Upvote to keep them from disappearing! I’m only one man, and Wes Anderson’s relatives are legion apparently.

    • if its going to be a Wes Anderson movie, it has to be Darjeeling, right? halfway through the movie i forgot why i was watching it. needed more Bill Murray, and less characters with big weird noses.

  8. Tristan and Isolde


    Good god.

    • oh dear, she put the bra on him incorrectly.

    • saw part of that on the tv, could not believe it was real

    • Holy shit, what a terrible movie.

    • When I was in a Music Theory class in college one of the students asked the professor if it was true that Brahms had gone through all of Bach’s work and circled all the parallel 5th and octaves. He responded, “If you go through Bach’s work, you could probably find Tristan and Isolde if you looked hard enough.” He then snort laughed as the rest of the class stared at him. To this day I have yet to hear a nerdier music joke/moment.

      • Wow, not only is that not funny but a pretty dumb-assed answer, considering that Brahms’s compendium of fifths and octaves is actually a pretty interesting contribution to the history of music theory. That’s a candidate for WMTIOAT right there. (Worst Music Theory Instructor of All Time)

    • OH MY GOD I forgot about this movie. I saw it in theaters! We had to write a movie review for English class and I wrote about how terrible this movie was and everyone was appalled, they loved it. Did that class not have eyeballs?? SO BAD

    • Oh please please do this! I only saw it once- in theaters!- but remember laughing at all the wrong moments. Please do this!

  9. This is me when I read WMOAT was coming back:

  10. My Super Ex-Girlfriend was awful
    Feast of Love was awful
    Bio-Dome was not even really a movie
    Pirate Radio was awful

    • I agree on all of those except Pirate Radio, but I fear I might be alone there. But it’s Chris O’Dowd!

    • Feast of Love definitely deserves a hearing in the court of Gabe. It is a terrible, terrible movie. It tries SO HARD to be good, but it’s not. It comes close to “pretentious rich white nonsense,” but that’s not it’s problem. The problem is that it is genuinely terrible storytelling–I dare you to even figure out what is going on in that movie in the third act.

    • Pirate Radio makes me sad. I love basically everyone involved in it and yet I could not sit through the whole movie. It’s a trainwreck for sure.

  11. I nominate Shadowboxer. That is all.

  12. Oh man! So many movies to nominate!

    Catwoman!

    No Strings Attached!

    The Dilemma!

    Be Kind Rewind!

    so many bad movies…so little BARF!

    • I couldnt finish be kind rewind, a friend lent it to me. so ugh

      • What about The Science of Sleep…? More terrible than Be Kind Rewind:

        It made me realize that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is awesome because it’s grounded by Charlie Kaufman. Gondry both writing and directing on his own stuff spins off into the fucking atmosphere, and not in a good way.

        I also love Gael Garcia Bernal but hate Charlotte Gainsbourg. She always looks like she’s gonna burst into tears!

        On that note, I nominate Melancholia for WMOAT for 2012.

      • I take it you didn’t rewind your copy before you gave it back?

        LOLOVHS!

    • I actually fell asleep during Be Kind Rewind! I third this nomination!

      • Yeah, I really wanted to like Be Kind Rewind but it also made me fall asleep after not too long. Kind of boring!

      • Me too! The only other two movies I’ve fallen asleep during are the second Lord of the Rings and Twilight (that one was in the theatre, which was fun).

      • I didn’t fall asleep but at some point I realized I’d wandered away from the TV to do chores, so the next day I had to rewatch the 2nd half. Later I wrapped the DVD and gave it to a friend as a fake apology gift for borrowing her boxed set of I, Claudius for, like, three years. She didn’t think that was funny. PBKR is def Hunt Material.

    • I have never seen a film more worthy of a WMOAT review than Be Kind, Rewind.

    • I saw Be Kind Rewind and thought it was aight., but I saw it after spending a few days in Florida so perhaps my brain temporarily malfunctioned.

      • awww, I liked Be Kind, Rewind. It was earnest, and I think so many movies these days are overly cynical.

        Then again, I do live in Florida.

  13. I’m still waiting patiently for that Braveheart review. That was quite a film, my friends.

  14. For the love of everything holy, please do any of the following:

    Running With Scissors
    House of the Dead
    John Tucker Must Die
    New York Minute
    Just My Luck

    And why hasn’t SHOWGIRLS been done? It’s like running a John Heder film festival and not showing Napolean Dynamite.

    And MISS CONCEPTION: Heather Graham, with a British accent, is the head of a construction company learns she may be infertile. So she goes on a rampant sexual assaulting spree to get knocked up. All under the guise of a rom-com. WITH A HORRIBLE PUN FOR A TITLE

  15. Now is the time. Now more than ever. Here’s the caveat: He’s the “insightful” Narrator!!!

    • Ah. There it is. Thank you for posting this, Just Désserts, so I didn’t have to.

    • Holy everything this movie was AWFUL. It should have been called “Douche.”

      Ashton Kutcher dressing like Duckie and talking in some weird proto-language accent and then having lots of sex and generally being a disaffected asshole the likes of which could only truly exist in a movie set in the movie version of Hollywood.

  16. Either ORIGINAL SIN (which I’ve been nominating since the beginning, mind you) or It’s Complicated, which is so so so so bad.

    • Oh God yes, Nell!

    • taaaaay ina win…? taaaaay ina win!!!

      NELL ftw

    • I have been lobbying for NELL for years, now. YEARS. It might be the worst movie ever; it might even be worse than things that aren’t movies.

      For anyone who hasn’t seen it: scientist Liam Neeson imprisons orphan Jodi Foster in order to study the language she made up when she lived alone on an island. Jodi is not very feral and Liam is not very scientific. Here is an actual line of dialog: “Chicka chicka-be! Tay an me! Ressa ressa me!” Through the insights gleaned therein we learn what is it to be human.

      NELL!

      • I support the nomination of NELL, or as I like to call it, “DEAR ACADEMY PLEASE GIVE ME AN OSCAR LOVE JODIE FOSTER.”

  17. I would like to harp on about SYNEDOCHE, NEW YORK, having had to spell it now for ever WMOAT in the past little while AS WELL AS having had to sit through it in the cinema with a friend who thought it was genius.

    It is not genius, whatever that term even means in reference to a film. It is seven hundred shades of terrible up itself overseriousness. When I die, if purgatory still existed it would be the thing I saw over and over again, for my sin of looking forward to it for so long before it came out.

    …also STRANGER THAN FICTION. Will Ferrell Romantic Lead. NEIN DANKE!

    • Okay, I’ll give you Synedoche, New York (mostly because it’s artsy barfsy)… but leave Stranger Than Fiction out of this!

      • I respect your opinion, but in my head STF sounds like URRRGH. Cutesy bakery! Neurotic writer can’t take care of herself! Will Ferrell as accountant! It sounds like Gabe needs to solve this disagreement.

    • Gabe doesn’t want to do Synecdoche because he knows it would have to be written in a fictional blog within a fictional blog within Videogum and sheesh who has the time.

      He would also need new monsters to play all the monsters.

      (I agree that the movie was fairly well fucked up, Kaufman obviously should not be allowed to direct his own stuff, but man is it fun to talk about after the fact.)

    • I really would just love to read Gabe’s thoughts on Synecdoche (a film I didn’t understand enough to dislike).

      • Well, here’s my take. (I mean what the hell, this is a movie blog where we talk about movies, right?)

        There are two basic ideas in the movie. One is that Caden Cotard’s wife leaves him and he has a mental rupture of some kind. Many of the things that happen after that are clearly projections of his innermost fears, like an extended bad dream. (Like the fear that his daughter will be corrupted by his jackass wife and be fed lies about him. That one’s easy.)

        The other one is that Caden compensates by creating this ridiculously elaborate stage piece that is a microcosm of the world, so he can figure out what the hell happened.

        But, it makes no sense. This is the frustrating part. It’s not plausible that he could be so fucked up and continue to interact with people. The stage piece can’t possibly be real. So is it all just a dream? That would be pretty lame, and Kaufman keeps throwing bizarre curve balls at us to suggest that this is, like, a real life.

        Two possibilities — one is that Kaufman never really figured out the puzzle and just improvised, like he just decided there would be no answer and that the movie wouldn’t make sense. But, also, he’s gone meta. It’s like Adaptation – the script is supposed to reflect on the author, but maybe for real this time. So as he creates this fucked up world for Caden he must also recognize that he IS Caden – like in the scene where Caden lays out post-it notes for all his actors, saying horrible things like “you had a miscarriage” – the actual script for the movie is kinda like that, isn’t it?

        So the whole thing is a metaphor for the creative process. Kaufman is acknowledging that he writes from anger and frustration and that everything on the screen is a projection of his inner fears etc.

        The end.

    • STRANGER THAN FICTION, I thought, blew. Whenever she read aloud from the amazing genius book she was writing, I asked myself, “Would I like this book?” And the answer was always, “Zzzzzzzzz.”

  18. Said it before, and I’ll say it again. Art School Confidential. So much potential to be a great movie. So much horrible movie instead.

    • I’m a huge Daniel Clowes fan and i love Ghost World and I own Art School Confidential, but yeah, I was disappointed after I saw the free screening at NYCC however many years ago that was. Enjoyed some of the characters and some of the moments in the film (basically I took enjoyment in the fact that every character in that film was an analog for someone I actually knew at the art school I attended), but as a whole I was like, “why is any of this happening?”

      • I totally agree. The whole build-up of the film was done well for the most part, and a lot of the characters were great. But the ending? SHEESH.

    • I totally get your disappointment. I was disappointed too; however, I feel like the whole hot wheels star art student thing redeems the movie JUST ENOUGH to take it out of the running for WMOAT.

  19. The Other Boleyn Girl. Leave it to me to watch the trailers and think it’s a Kate Hudson-style rom-com where a girl steals her sister’s husband. Mrs. Fantana took me willingly and I was not prepared for the miscarriages and all the incest.

    Oh sweet Lord, the incest.

  20. Maverick. Good lord, what a crap movie.

  21. Can we go back a little farther this time, perhaps tackle one which is dear to many? I remember Gabe mentioned his distaste for Scarface…

  22. The Fast and the Furious.

    Gabe, if you want to find the unquestionably worst movie of all time and put an end to this hunt for good, review this.

    • More specifically, TOKYO DRIFT.

    • No, it should be the original. This movie is horrifyingly bad, yet is made $144,512,310.00

      This move MUST be included.

    • The Fast And The Furious is not a good movie, let’s be perfectly clear. However, as ridiculously unbelievable, cliched and formulaic it is, I actually think it succeeds as the kind of film it is. The stakes are high, the action sequences are great, and it includes some gloriously cheezy lines that only added to my enjoyment of the movie (“I live my life a quarter mile at a time”) I just had a lot of fun with it! I think this movie earns the hatred it does (and rightly so) because the endless string of legitimately horrible movies it spawned, as well as the increased popularity of street race culture and subsequently a lot of people dying.

    • This is my brother’s favorite movie, and he’s a connoisseur of all things terrible, so YES.

    • Yes, please, please review any of the Fast and Furious movies (though using the first one seems like the logical choice).

      “How Did This Get Made?” recently reviewed the latest disaster with everyone’s Thursday night BF, Adam Scott, which I highly recommend. http://www.earwolf.com/episode/episode-9-fast-fiveadam-scott

  23. Usual Suspects. Seriously one of the most over rated movies ever. D list celebrities like Stephen Baldwin, lame “psyche out” ending, etc. Chaz Palminteri acting all angsty. Kevin Pollack talkin’ like a tough guy, see? Yeah see? Awful. Oh but wait its “indie” so I like it because anything indie is not a lame psyche out movie like every bottom shelf 90s garbage. Please.

  24. Australia was a truly horrendous movie, and The Heartbreak Kid was also very bad

    • Yes! I was about to nominate the Heartbreak Kid!! An entire movie dedicated to Ben Stiller justifying cheating on his wife. Oh shes crazy now you got married? You should bone someone else!

      Horrible, awful, terrible movie.

    • YES YES YES ON AUSTRALIA! EVERYONE UPVOTE THIS!

      (Also upvote where I nominated it further down in the comments, because Australia could never be upvoted too much for this series.)

  25. The local NBC affiliate here plays movies after SNL every week and if I am a lameo at home when they air I like to try and guess what late 80s-early 00s films they have recently acquired. The movies are usually terrible or odd or a magical combination of both. Recently, I actually sat and watched a whole feature because it was both odd and terrible and baffling and anger-inducing.

    Thus, I am nominating Loser starring Jason Biggs as a New York-bound college student from the midwest who’s dad is Dan Ackroyd and who’s roommates are a bunch of date-rapists. Not a single character – especially our “hero” and his waify/gothy love interest Mena Suvari – is even a tiny bit likeable and the soundtrack is a weird tour through 90s alternative radio. And Everclear (Suvari’s character’s “live favorite band ever!”) is in it, which made me laugh out loud in my empty apartment at 2am. Seriously, that this movie got made without someone at any point stepping in and saying “Ok guys, but can we at least give our main character one personality trait besides “nice/Midwestern”?” is kind of baffling.

  26. DECEPTION starring Hugh Grant, Michelle Williams and Ewan McGregor. So bad that it’s almost good.

  27. Dr. T and The Women. Please.

  28. Vicky Cristina Barcelona = nightmarishly pretentious hell-scape featuring two rich and utterly vapid dunderheads and Javier Bardem as a predatory sex maniac. And let’s not get started on the husking effluvium that is this movie’s dialogue, which comes complete with a stuffy narrator who I’d say rates at least 8 out of 10 on the Ira Glass Narrative Continuum of Nasally Pretension. And I *like* Ira Glass!

    Javier Bardem: “We are meant for each other and not meant for each other. It’s a contradiction.”

    Hahahahahaha*gunshot*

    • I got this movie in a $5 bin, and man, was I disappointed. Should’ve been in the GARBAGE BIN, amiright?!

    • This movie actually made me NOT WANT to go to Spain.

    • I couldn’t stand that narration. It was such a distraction. I kept wondering if it was The Social Network kid the whole time. Ugh. Worst delivery of lines, EVER, by Scarlett Johannsen.

    • I would argue that You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger is a better pick for WMOAT. The cringlingly awful use of a William Carlos Williams quote coupled with a breathtakingly banal mention of The Sound and the Fury made me convinced the film was composed by a first year BA student. One of the annoying ones who in class monopolise discussion despite being utterly devoid of any complex thoughts.

    • This comment made my day! Thanks Intravenus!

  29. Life as a House. It feels like it’s been done, but I didn’t see it on the list. It’s bad, maybe not the worst, but Gabe’s already doing Somewhere. I rest my case.

  30. I will also nominate the Prom Night remake starring Brittney Snow, the incredible cop duo of Stringer Bell and Ziggy Sobotka, and enough mirror scares to keep you stocked up until all these teen horror thrillers get re-re-made in 2015 or whatever.

    I don’t think any movie I’ve seen lately had less actual film-making in it. It is kind of like they expected somebody to CGI in half the movie later. Also it is set in a world where a public high school has about 15 students and they’re all millionaires.

  31. 40 Days and 40 Nights: The inspirational true story of a guy who didn’t have sex for a while.

  32. Runaway Bride? I wanted to like this movie, but in the end there were just not enough horses in it.

  33. I hereby nominate this uncomfortable piece of shit:

    *I have not read the comments to see if anyone has nominated this yet. I have been waiting to nominate this and I saw this post and I had to jump in feet first. If you already nominated it, I apologize, and let’s be best friends.

  34. I love kubrick but…..

    • A decade later, the CGI people added on top of the weird un-sexy sex scenes seem awfully ridiculous don’t they? Also, the fake city streets have an uncanny valley attribute to them that creeps me out every time I see them.

    • This is actually a personal photo, not a photo taken just for the cover. Presumably, anyway.

    • OMG, this. THIS!

    • yeah eyes wide shut was a sad let down, really bummer. plus A-I which spielberg finished for kubrick post-kubrick death. lame noise

    • While there’s definitely a liberal amount of reaching in this interpretation of EWS, it does a pretty good job of conveying what I love about it:
      http://www.collativelearning.com/EYES%20WIDE%20SHUT%20analysis.html

      As a die-hard Kubrick devotee/apologist, I’ve always mandated that if you don’t love a Kubrick film, you haven’t seen it enough. That mindset could be seen as cheating, but reaching towards conclusions likely never intended by second-era Kubrick is sometimes the best part. I’ve seen EWS upwards of thirty times (“Cool use of time, That One.”), and the power dynamic re: gender, sex, social standing has become exponentially fascinating to me.

      There’s so much going on in the frame and in between the dialogue to get into here. So, as flawed as it is, please check out that link to get you going on your own thought process.

      • Yay. I know Kubrick is polarizing, but I love him and Eyes Wide Shut.

        And re the CGI people: you can get the “unrated” version and the CGI is even more ridiculous when you see what they were hiding. It is genuinely hilarious, not pornographic. The censorship is counterproductive, because it all looks much dirtier when you can’t see what’s actually going on.

    • It’s so hard to judge this film as a Kubrick film because of how Tom wrestled control of the film from Kubrick’s widow. I admittedly can’t provide anything to back it up but it was rumored that Cruise had over a third of the film cut out and destroyed.

    • Can I like this comment twice?

    • the first time i tried to watch this i turned it off before they even got to the island because of how awful the acting/dialogue was. when i finally gave it a second chance i felt the same way, but for more than two hours longer than before.

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  36. Avatar the Last Air Bender

    • I there should be a cannot-be-directed-by-M. Night Shyamalan rule.

      Also, I’m going for the other Avatar, as in the one with nice animation but in general mostly terrible everything else.

    • Technically a children’s film based off of a children’s cartoon?

      • Yes, I would like it to be noted that “Avatar: The Last Airbender” was the name of the excellent and impressive cartoon, while “The Last Airbender” was the name of an M. Night Shyamalan shitshow.

      • I don’t agree with the “cannot-be-directed-by-M. Night Shyamala” bc thats too easy.
        But good point on it being a children’s movie.

        • STILL it was so awful it made me mad. I loved the cartoon SO MUCH! I remember crying in the comments (or twitter?) about how Shyamalan just took all the joy out of Airbender…just sucked it right out and made it angry and dumb. DUMB!

  37. Do Charlie’s Angels count as superheros? Because CA: Full Throttle is pretty terrible.

    The first one wasn’t exactly brilliant either, but Sam Rockwell!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oyP0QHjty8

  38. A while ago Gabe asked for ideas to get more traffic to the site. I think the most obvious answer is just to keep putting good stuff on here. And the Hunt is always good. Glad it’s back.

  39. Mostly because I’m trying to atone for the fact that I loved this movie when I was ten, and mostly because it’s insane that the Malkovich is in it:

  40. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  41. I nominate Whiteout. Not even Tom Skerritt couldn’t save this movie, Tom Skerritt!

  42. I would like to nominate Easy-A.

    No other movie has tried so fuckin hard to be *this generation* Mean Girls, and failed so miserably. Also, it’s a 2 hour (or 1 1/2 hour I DON’T FUCKING NOW, IT FELT LIKE MILLENIA) mall stores commercial. And don’t even get me started with the outta thin air “motivation” for the story. UGH.

  43. I nominate Meet The Parents.

    “CAN YOU MILK ME HURDEHURHURHUDHUR” – this movie.

    • Shoot, I thought it was funny, does that make me an asshole?

    • I agree with this nomination – I hate mean, uncomfortable comedies where people are just being assholes for no apparent reason, and we’re supposed to like them or think they’re funny. Her family treats him like garbage, and she does absolutely NOTHING. Are we supposed to cheer when they get together at the end? Because I thought getting on that plane would have been the best thing for him.

      Another movie that falls under this genre that should be nominated – DUE DATE. Ugh.

      • I could not agree more with this comment. That is all.

      • Seconded. I could not put my finger on why I hated this movie so much until my (then-future) brother in law pointed out that his fiancee is just the worst person. So much under-bus-throwing. So much distrust. So much you-should-know-that-spending-time-with-your-former-lover-would-probably-make-ben-stiller-uncomfortable.

  44. Donnie Darko

  45. Sahara
    Red Planet
    The Astronaut’s Wife
    Jonah Hex (technically not a superhero, nor popular, although it is a comic book)
    3000 Miles to Graceland

  46. Vanilla Sky. PLEASE Vanilla Sky.

    • And yet, the movie that it’s based on is so unbelievably good.

      • Dude, IMO? No it isn’t. God that shit made me so mad I wanted to claw my eyes out. OMG I TRIED TO STEAL MY BEST FRIEND’S GIRLFRIEND AND NOW MY FACE IS MESSED UP, PLEASE PITY ME, I DESERVE ALL THINGS THAT ARE GOOD EVER BECAUSE I’M *SUCH* A GOOD FRIEND

  47. Existenz
    Knight and Day
    Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland

  48. Renaissance Man with Danny Devito.

  49. Is it too obvious for me to nominate The Tourist? Honestly guys I’m pretty sure it was made specifically for this website. Blech!

  50. Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes
    Congo

  51. Submitted for your approval:

  52. This impending Somewhere hate makes me worry that I’ll need to take a Videogum Hiatus.

  53. I nominate 1995′s “Hackers,” starring Angelina Jolie and the guy from Can’t Hardly Wait. (I know his name, but I won’t dignify him by repeating it.)

    A sample quote: “If you want to be elite, you have to do a righteous hack!”

    http://tinypic.com/r/ir88z7/7

    • Oh, come on now! Hackers is like modern Shakespeare!

      “We have just gotten a wake-up call from the Nintendo Generation.”

      “The pool on the roof must have a leak.”

      “Looks like I’m on top.”

      “I hope you don’t screw like you type.”

      “I don’t DO dates. But I don’t lose either, so you’re on!”

      “Mess with the best, die like the rest.”

      “Hack the planet!”

      • This movie is so great, in that it’s so bad and over exaggerated that it can be nothing BUT great!

        • I think the coup de grace of that movie is that the writers obviously did little to no research about computers or hacking. Like, at all. The scene near the beginning where the two characters are fighting via the robots in the TV station that insert tapes? Who would design robots that can change out tapes for broadcast AND fight one another!?

          • I ADORE this movie. I have a poster of this movie, non-ironically. No, it’s not great, but…it’s not supposed to be, ya know? It’s supposed to be fun and great music and Matthew Lillard has THE BEST shirts ever.

            Also, you forgot: “Never fear, I is here!” MISTER THE PLAGUE! RIGHT!

  54. Some other nominations:

    Running With Scissors
    Wendy & Lucy (The Ending! The complete lack of emotion from Michelle Williams! The length!)
    Julie & Julia or whatever the hell that horrible movie was called- I straight up wanted to murder Amy Adams

  55. Verily, friends, I have been ready this long age. The hunt is upon us again, at long last!

  56. I humbly nominate Anywhere But Here. This movie has caused me so much pain I can’t wait to share.

  57. Crap! How could I forget about WICKER MAN! (Nicholas Cage, screw the rules) I LOL’d soooooo hard at the ending along with the rest of the theater.

  58. OK, so I know I don’t stand a chance being this late to the party, but I cannot stress enough how bad

    is. Just terrible. It’s bloated, poorly acted, too long, and kinda racist. Please please please vote for this, you guys. And Gabe – even if they don’t vote – CHOOSE THIS PICTURE!

    It’s perfect for The Hunt. Two A list stars, and an (at the time) A list director. I rest my case.

  59. Skyline… Oh wow. Awful.

  60. Tyler Perry’s DADDY’S LITTLE GIRLS.
    It may or may not be the worst of Perry’s movies, but it certainly takes itself the most seriously.Even Idris Elba (le sigh) can’t make it not be HORRIBLE.

  61. I’m breaking my LEGENDARY SILENCE since the last nomination round to again nominate Tideland.

    It’s pretentious, about nothing, and had a lot of potential with a decent cast. JEFF BRIDGES IS A CORPSE FOR MOST OF THE MOVIE!

  62. Evolution!

    The Chronicles of Riddick!

    Paparrazi!

    Enough!

    Event Horizon!

    Demolition Man!

    Troy!

    Don’t even get me started on Troy.


  63. THE CORE! how can you say no to that face.

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  65. There is no movie worse than Running With Scissors.

    The evidence:

    There’s a scene where characters yell cathartically AT the camera set to “Year of the Cat”.

    There’s a masterbatorium. A masterbatorium. This movie flaunts a masterbatorium to all of us who can’t even afford a masterbatorium. Way to make me feel insignificant, movie.

    Also, masterbatoriums are dumb.

    The “where are they now” wrap up titles at the end are hilariously pretentious.

    Augusten Burroughs has written six memoirs. SIX. Shut up, Augusten Burroughs.

    The movie poster:

    And finally, it was directed by Ryan Murphy, who is the creator and “executive music consultant” on Glee. He, friends, is the WORST.

    I rest my case.

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  67. Dude. Wanted with Angelina Jolie. The movie was the dumbest movie EVAH! We get it Angelina, you think you’re bad ass. Now go bend a bullet off a short pier. You catch my meaning, Angelina… Oh, and need I say that I’m pretty damn sure they’re making a SEQUEL (prequel?). I think I may just give up on life.

  68. All About Steve. Please.

    You get the feeling that the director’s idea of really weird is eating breakfast for dinner.

  69. Greenberg! Absolutely the worst movie. I also second Vicky Christina Barcelona. Movies about white people being awful.

    • Disagree sharply! I really liked Greenberg. (Please don’t interpret this as me voicing support for Noah Baumbach in general. His other movies that I’ve seen are yikes.)

      • I loved Kicking and Screaming (not the Will Ferrell one, the Noah Baumbach one from the 90′s). But I hated Greenberg, I definitely want to see that up there.

    • I second Greenberg. I kept waiting for him to get likable……..and he just never did. At all.

      Vicky Cristina Barcelona was great, though! Yes, Scarlett Johansson *tried* to ruin it, but Javier and Penelope totally rocked it.

  70. Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus. It takes the life of one of the greatest photographers of all time and turns it into a fetishist mess. Nicole Kidman stars as a pretty, passive piece of wood fascinated by her new neighbor, a very hairy Robert Downey Jr. He introduces her to a world of kink and carnival performers and it is really, really boring. The only way I got through it was knowing that I was going to nominate it for TWMOAT and I didn’t want to be embarrassed if it suddenly got good at the end (it never got good).

  71. I can see how this movie would lead you to believe that it wouldn’t qualify, but I think it totally qualifies. I’m going off of memory of course, I do not have it in me to rewatch and confirm. I won’t do it.

    “In the end, all’s fair in love and gangster warfare in this hip, romantic comedy.”

  72. I nominate Hancock. Numerous times.

  73. Not sure if it’s already been mentioned but for the love of god choose ‘Failure to Launch’

    • I didn’t hit refresh before posting my request for Failure to Launch.

      The worst part is that I have seen the movie more than once. I tend to turn on TBS for background noise during the Friends, Seinfeld, King of Queens block, so Failure to Launch (along with so many other terrible movies) end up getting left on.

      • I put this last time for the Hunt and it got a ton of upvotes (but Gabe STILL rejected it)…I’m sad to see it’s not fairing so well this round. My argument is Gabe has never done a Matthew Mcconaughey movie…he gets attacked by animals throughout…it got mainstream billing with perhaps one of the worst written scripts of ALL time…this makes Bride Wars look like Shakespearw!

  74. Failure To Launch! It is so so so bad.

    Or Fool’s Gold.

    Pretty much any Matthew McConaughey movie with the exception of Dazed and Confused.

  75. The Chumscrubber because it really wants to be American Beauty but edgier but holy fuck it doesn’t know what’s going on and Ralph Fiennes’s part is just completely baffling.

  76. I cannot stress this enough but DOGMA DOGMA DOGMA DOGMA DOGMA DOGMA. alanis morisette plays GOD? Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are death angels or something? Jason Lee is in it but its STILL AWFUL. Please Gabe Please.

    Kick-Ass. Roger Ebert’s review here. http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100414/reviews/100419986

    Cherrybomb. Nathan from the Misfits couldnt even save it.

  77. Law Abiding Citizen please. Jaime Foxx. Gerard Butler. This piece of trash movie seems to think it’s some mind-blowing critique of the justice system, but…it’s just horrible.

  78. John Q because EXCEPTIONALISM, AMIRITE?

  79. does Jonah Hex count as a popular superhero movie?

  80. If you do a google search for “Takers poster,” the first hit is videogum.

  81. I Am Number Four. Ugh.

  82. Please please please watch and review THE SAINT starring hot Val Kilmer and Elizabeth Shue. It is a beautiful masterpiece of awful.

  83. Norbit is the worst movie of all time.

  84. Gabe, you’ve seen Somewhere — why not try another Sofia Coppola disaster? Marie Antoinette!

  85. Vanilla Sky. Please.

  86. Did anyone ever nominate “Grown-ups”? I’ve never seen it, but someone described it to me one time and it sounded awful, and my friend’s description was so funny I almost passed out from laughing, I can only imagine Mr. Delahaye’s description.

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  88. The Dreamers, please.

  89. Antichrist.

    It’s a skillfully made film that turned out terrible…maybe. I’m not sure. All i know is it had me thinking “what is this shit?” amid the howling, shielding my eyes, going EWWW, and wondering where I left the vomit bucket. You could say it’s the execution of a personal vision, but at the same time it’s kind of hard to see what that personal vision is other than women are evil and people are bad. I have mixed felling about it. I can see why people like it as it does have a pretty nice atmosphere, but i also think it’s pretty terrible. So in short

    CHAOS REIGNS

  90. I haven’t seen anyone suggest this yet and I don’t know how, perhaps it’s because everyone else had the courage to tell their girlfriend to fuck off for wanting to watch it. Picture Perfect, starring Jennifer Anniston and Kevin Bacon was so unbelievable cringe worthy that I killed myself after watching it. God has now sent me here to warn everyone else of this cinematic shotgun blast to the face.

    • I saw that recently for the first time. I was sick and there was nothing else on, don’t judge. Aniston’s character is so awful, the scene where she allows everyone to think she’s been bet up by the eventual love interest is just so unbelievably wrong. Who though, yes lets make mistaken domestic abuse the thrust of the story. Ugh. Why would you go near Aniston’s character after that?

      • Does Jennifer Aniston really like being in horribly, morally corrupt movies mascarading as romcoms? The last few movies she has been in. . .The Switch, where her best male friend secretly gives her his own sperm for her artificial insemination and then lies about it? And the new horrible bosses one, where she drugs her subordinate and poses him in a series of sexually suggestive poses, and it’s supposed to be funny? The Management, where she’s stalked across the country by an obsessive lunatic?

  91. Has anyone nominated “Belly” yet? Are DMX and Nas big enough to count as B-list?

  92. I’ll nominate Juno mostly because I want to see what Gabe thinks of it.

    • And I’ll second Juno because it has the worst dialogue in film. Diablo Cody is our generation’s Goebbels.

      • What about Jennifer’s Body? Which is basically all the “quirky” dialogue from Juno but with none of what made Juno semi-redeeming, and some people really love it, or at least say they love it. Oh and Megan Fox and Amanda Siegfried kiss for about 5 seconds, which i guess is awesome but not really.

  93. I would like to vote the terrible film starring Reese Witherspoor “How Do You Know?” In which nothing ever made sense, not even a triple combo of paul rudd – owen wilson and anthony hopkins could keep that film from failing.

  94. I’ll once again nominate 88 Minutes with Al Pacino. I have to think that the reason this hasn’t gotten in yet is simply because people haven’t seen it. Once you do, it’s impossible not to imagine WMOAT post as you’re watching it. It’s amazing. Everyone, do yourselves a favor, and see it so that it gets in at some point.

  95. Either I Hate Velentine’s Day, or My Life in Ruins with the My Big Fat Greek Wedding lady. Two of the most awful romantic comedies ever. I know they played in theaters in L.A. Hard to watch due to the star’s frozen smile face, but both have Rachel Dratch in a small role, so that kind of makes things interesting.

  96. DUNE!

    Please! At the time it was the most expensive movie ever made.

    The soundtrack is by Toto.

    Here is a sample of the dialogue:

    Paul: What do you call the mouse shadow on the second moon?
    Stilgar: We call that one Muad’Dib.
    Paul: Could I be known as Paul Muad’Dib?
    Stilgar: You are now Paul Muad’Dib!

    • i about spit my oatmeal out when I read “at the time it was the most expensive movie ever made.” GAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Kyle MacLachlan = HIGH-larious.

    • There’s too much tortured history and studio exec fuckery politicking to judge Dune fairly IMHO. David Lynch literally didn’t even have final cut over the versions released in some countries. Harlan Ellison et al discuss this (Ellison’s take is halfway down):
      http://goo.gl/zYfMn

      Also, it begat sweaty shirtless Sting (whattup Sumner!):


      which begat the I WILL KILL HIM riff on MST3K, which totally justifies to bajillion spent making it.

  97. Life is Beautiful. PLEEEEAAAASSSEEEEE.

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