I don’t know about y’all, but I think I like this judge. He manages to roundly offend people across the board, but he probably means well. Maybe I’m just sympathetic to people who try too hard to be funny.

Some people are offended because he is linking homosexuality with child molestation. Other people are offended because he is trying to paint a child molestor as a victim. I’m offended because he is implying that I might be inadvertently sexually assaulting my freshly laundered jockstraps. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

The major point he seems to be trying to make has some validity. He is saying that this guy was molesting boys, so if he’s claiming to be straight, he’s in denial. That doesn’t imply that gay = child molester; it just suggests that child molesters who show a sexual preference have a sexual preference. The major problem with this angle is that some child molesters are indiscriminate and molest children to assert power. I’m willing to give the judge the benefit of the doubt on that point, since it is a safe assumption that he knows the facts of the case better than I do. Still, he comes across as a bit too assertive on this for comfort.

It’s also valid to suggest that spending a lifetime lying to yourself and hiding your sexual nature might cause that nature to express itself in unhealthy and destructive ways. Perhaps this old child-molesting bastard is a victim, but that doesn’t make him the victim. Understanding an abuser doesn’t justify the abuse.

Even so, His Honor needs to work on his material. At the very least, he needs to lose the self-deprecating humor. I’m sure that he looked perfectly lovely in that prom dress.

Comments (17)
  1. Is that Tyra Banks wearing a judge-suit?

  2. Can we all agree that “I’m straight” is just a terrible excuse for why you could not have possibly molested little boys?

  3. The major problem I have is the phrase “developed an interest in homosexuality and young boys.” Cooooool line of thought. Related, I have recently developed an interest in having blue eyes and murdering people.

    • this guy knows what you’re talking about

    • Yeah, that phrasing bothered me too, but he was speaking in the context of this particular guy who is, in fact, a convicted molester of boys.

      I don’t think the judge was trying to say that those things go together, but rather that this man was clearly in denial about his own proclivities, and that denial led to his sexuality manifesting itself in a hideous way.

      Also, keep in mind that we only heard a small part of what the judge said, and it was out of the context of his overall statement. Those troublesome phrases might have been more understandable in context.

  4. Well, there is no place like prison to explore your sexuality in a healthy fulfilling way.

    • At first I wanted to say “I hope his sexuality gets explored regularly” or some such, and I still sort of feel that way but then I also am conflicted by the idea of wishing rape on a person, even a person as vile as a child molester.

      Being a grown up really IS hard!

  5. How gay is it?

    It’s so gay it likes to have sex with dudes if it’s a dude and chicks if it’s a chick. #punchlines

  6. Gabe hurries back from vacation to point out the main problem is that the judge didn’t rest his case.

  7. I would actually like to ask this judge where he gets his ideas.

  8. Wait, at the very end, does the reporter say “Fox Six nude”?

    Sure, I also have an opinion about important stuff. But come on, he said “nude”!

  9. “Gavel Gavel GAVEL!”

    ~ Sorry, I lost my gavel yesterday.

  10. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.